Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, September 4, 2014

Restrictive to binging - Answer

Hi Izzy :). I almost recovered from anorexia, but now, I started to binge...I can't stay without food, especially at night. During the day I have rare periods when I binge and then I purge, I vomit all the food, and then I say "Enough, it's the last time when I binge, and the last time when I purge", but then, in the night (every night), I start again to binge fruits, popcorn, peanuts. I tried to have regular meal during the day, but it doesn't worked, I still have craves in the night and I can resist without eating. I crave and I eat even the food I don't like. It's creepy how I eat whatever I have just to eat something. I almost achieved my normal weight and I am afraid not to become too fat because of those cravings and uncontrollable binges. I want all this to stop. Did you passed through this situation during your recovery or is just me? What can I do to control all this stupid uncontrollable eating? 

Im sorry to hear that you are struggling and going through this binge/purge cycle. The first thing to think about is WHY you binge? What is it that is making you eat? This can be hard to know why, but try to figure out is it stress? Tiredness? Boredom? Or because you don't eat enough during the day.
   If you aren't eating enough carbohydrates or enough energy through out the day you can get cravings, especially for things like fruit/bread/pasta/chocolate etc during the evenings. Or maybe it's just that you need some extra sleep or are very stressed?
  Try eating more during the day and drinking plenty of water and tea is good as well. During the evenings drink plenty of water and maybe chew gum, and decide that you will eat dinner and a night snack but that you dont need to eat the whole contents of the fridge. 
   Make a meal plan for yourself with 5-6 meals per day. Make sure to have a good night snack, something that makes you full... oatmeal or something with protein is good. Have veggies available for if you feel that you are still hungry. Eat things that really fill you up, foods such as popcorn and nuts aren't that filling... instead maybe go for some bread or whole grain bread with toppings. Or oatmeal or some greek yoghurt with nuts and berries and maybe an egg or two (Just an example. I dont know what types of food you like).

Also try to distract yourself... if you feel you are binging out of boredom or just because then do something with yourself... go for a walk (if you're allowed.) read, draw, call a friend, maybe start a hobby in the evenings. Try to avoid just being in the kitchen or wandering to the kitchen, instead have set times when you eat... (of course when you no longer have these binge periods, then you dont have to have set times when you eat, but it can help also knowing what you are going to eat before hand can help keep the binges away.) Drink tea and water with meals to help fill you up.
  But the most important is that you eat enough during the day. And if you binge DONT PURGE. Because trust me, its more likely that you will binge again later in the day or the next day. Instead, stay calm and keep the food inside of you. The food won't harm you, but the purging will. Also, if you purge you are more likely to binge again. And DONT compensate if you binge, then it will turn into a restrict-binge-purge cycle which i did go through during my relapse. The way i got through that cycle was by increasing my carbohydrate intake and eating more. Also returning to a meal plan, so i knew when and what to eat. I didnt have to think about it, and when i no longer binged anymore i began listening more to my body. Able to eat enough for my body and not binge.

Also, talking to someone about this. DONT be ashamed about this, going from restrictive to binge eating is more common than you think. And there is help.... but most important, find out (or try to figure out) why you binge and fix that problem.


  1. Thank you for the anonymous who posted this comment and to izzy because i really needed this help right now as i am going through the exact same thing!! :( i just either stay at home and eat all the time or come back home from somewhere and eat so much!!!!! :( it is really difficult because i feel i used to have so much control... :/ thank you both and let's stay strong together :)

    1. This was an email i got and the reply i sent, but i thought it could be useful to others so i posted it as well :)
      I think it can be good if you get a hobby or find a good way to distract yourself. But also talking to someone.... because it is a problem. Its just as bad as not eating if you are constantly binging or purging. You need to find balance with your food intake.
      Don't be scared to ask for help :) You can get through this, it's tough. But you need to find balance and moderation in your life and diet.

  2. I know it's not true for everyone, but I always find that if I start bingeing it's usually because I'm not eating enough throughout the day. If you are at all underweight (and you can be below your body's ideal weight even if you have a "healthy" BMI) then it's always worth thinking if the bingeing is just a natural biological mechanism to get more food/energy into you.
    "DONT compensate if you binge, then it will turn into a restrict-binge-purge cycle which i did go through during my relapse. The way i got through that cycle was by increasing my carbohydrate intake and eating more"
    This was key for me to stop bingeing too.

  3. These are all good ideas, but I wanted to throw one extra thought into the mix. As someone who has recovered from a 10-year+ eating disorder, and later a severe drug addiction that also affected my nutrition and weight, I have been through this refeeding process several times. The best advice, and the best lesson I learned, was that in this phase, at any time after a a period of prolonged starvation or malnourishment, when food becomes available again the body simply, very naturally, wants it. A lot of it. All of it. It feels out of control, it feels scary, it feels wrong - but it's totally, scientifically normal! This is the one single thing I wish someone had taught me in my earlier years, as this period always terrified me and spurred me on to relapse, to try and control it, etc etc etc, and led to awful feelings, compensation urges, etc. But the fact is, it's okay, and it's expected, that when you start eating again, you will most of the time want to eat a lot. And honestly the best thing to do is just allow it. You haven't been properly fed for a long time. Let your body feed now. And keep in mind that this period DOES END. And it will end the quickest if you just allow it to take place and not try and stop it. I know it's really scary, but it does end. Its really common to acgtually overshoot your target weight in this period, but your body does know best, and it will level off, and when your appetite returns to normal you will generally go back down in weight to your healthy set point. Fighting this phenomenon just prolongs it and builds further unhealthy habits. If you get in the habit of bingeing and then trying to compensate, you will continue to binge, you will label it "bingeing", and it can become an ongoing problem that DOES put weight on. If you look at it as simply a refeeding phase, and don't attach all this negative bullcrap to it, then more than likely your body will just do its thing, the weight will go on yes, maybe more than you'd like, but then it'll slowly taper off and one day you'll realize your appetite has been normal for some time and hey, what do you know, you're not so bloated anymore, and things are regulating, and your weight is stabilized.... Really the best thing is to try and keep your emotions out of it so that it doesn't become a further extension of your disorder. Allow it to happen. It can take months, that's okay. I just went through this again in the last year, it was freaky, I was scared, but I let it go, gave myself permission, and today I'm at my happy weight, I NEVER binge (after bingeing for years in one of my earlier recoveries because I was always fighting it!), and things are pretty good. think about it anyway!