Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, September 25, 2014

Readers story

I struggle with recovery since April I think after breaking emotionally 
down and even confessing my parents I had a problem and needed help but 
they never started helping me actually ... My mum even told my sister to 
insult me so I'll feel bad towards myself I don't know if my mum thought 
this will push me to recovery ... He'll NO it made it even worse but 
somehow I started recovery on my very own and slowly realized the only one 
that can help me is myself .

I struggled a lot forth and back but tried to set goals for myself to push 
myself to health ... I relapsed ... Or better said I fell back most times I 
saw my mum as most times she'll say some things like how much weight I 
gained or that I'd eat too much but I stood up each time again and now I 
almost reached my healthy weight . And événement started working out and 
running again as those are things I just need for myself to escape any 
hardships and cope with them better ... To feel alive and increase my 
happiness :D

I set myself the goal that when I weigh xkg I can work out again and xkg I 
can run this and that much and it really pushed me ... Scooping peanut 
butter most of the time to gain weight ... I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER that's why 
my blog is called peace, love and peanut butter :D

I am in the same stage for several months now ... I'd call it half 
recovered actually ... Still afraid of some foods still having some ed 
thoughts and restricting when thinking I ate too much but started to give a 
shot to the voice in my head and trying to overcome the last step to a 
healthy me and guess what? It seems to work so far ... each day I love 
myself more and think less about what I eat and more about to fuel my body 
right since I am an athlete as well and need nutrition to keep my body 
going ... I feel so energized the last few days and happy ... I smile 
almost the whole day :D

Hmmm~ I try to avoid my mum as good as possible she doesn't get in conctact 
with me anyways it's always me contacting her ... But not anymore I'll 
surround myself just with good people and nice people I cherish and that 
cherish me :3 ... And also people in the internet that help me getting 
through this like izzy
Thanks to you rock~~

If you want to read her blog:


  1. I have just come to realise that maybe I do not want to recover because I do not want to please my mum.
    She would be over the moon if one day I fully recover and become the one I once was, the one she has In her memories. She always tells me that I am actually a strager for her and that she does not recognise me....that I am not her daughter.
    Psycologist always told me that I had an issue with my mother...we are to "fusional"...I alway told them it was bulshit I taht The problem was me and only me not my mother.

    Maybe I should listen to them....maybe after all I refuse to recover because I do not want to obey, for once, at the, to please her.....

    But I am also punishing me....

    I am lost !

    1. To read this makes me sad somehow cause why would a mum not want their child to be healthy and happy ... Choose recovery for yourself not for your mum and really what's that for a psychologist? Sorry but never ever someone alone is the reason why a relationship between two people doesn't work it is always both sides fault in my eyes ... Even with me and my mum it is my fault as well as hers we both have to work to have a good relationship but neither her but me seems to want to work for it

      What i want to say is that you have to réalise that you néed to choose recovery for yourself ...

    2. we had number and number of discussion, trying to "solve" our issues, but she refuse to listen to any negative comment about her behaviour...not only with me but all the familly...she can harasse us, insult us but we do not have the right to tell her that she is wrong....SHE is ALWAY RIGHT she is the good one and we the uglies and always whant to hurt her.

      She always end up the discussion by saying that I am a liar, and worth nothing without any willpower to recover and that i will remain ill until the rest of my life and that is is useless to talk to me, "talking to a wall" and that he is pissed off.

  2. oh, I also have to add that she can be very very harsh on me, tell me that i am a piece of shit, taht the better thing that can happen to me is die, taht i will never recover and will never never talk to me again....

    Maybe , but i do not fully realise it, i do not want to see her ever again, talk to her ever again...

    I leart this morning taht she has been lying to me about something my dad would have said about me....i fact she invented everything ...I asked him as it was something very very hurting...He NEVER said this !!!!!
    It was crap ! I can not trust her anymore !!

    I am done, now I will be more precautious and not believe her what ever she says....

    Some days I just hate her

    1. Wow that really is tough ... I can imagine how you feel but maybe if it helps just try to set your goal to show her that you CAN actually recover and prove her wrong in anything she said .. don't know if it helps but please don't give up and maybe try avoiding her for some time till you are better and feeling better yourself

    2. She completely undermined my confidence

    3. I am sorry to read that you are struggling and have it tough at home. But the fact is, not everyone is supportive. There are PLENTY of mean people out there.... why let your mum ruin your life? Dont listen to her.. dont listen to her words. Be stronger than that, because you are. What will slowly killing yourself do?It just means that you are ruining your life, not letting yourself live a life. Instead, be stronger than everything weighing you down. Accept that you might not get support from your mum, but that there are other people out there who are willing to help and support you. Is there any way you can move away from your mum? Live with someone else? Live with a friend for a while or another family member? Or seek help somewhere, or as an inpatient as that might be needed if you feel that you dont want to recover.
      You need to realise that recovery needs to come from you... you can waste years of life, but in the end you are just missing out on all the good things.

      You need to push past the negativity... not let others push you down. But fight back... Remember, living a happy life is the best form of revenge.

    4. I am so sorry you have to deal with this kind of thing. And I know how it feels, you don't want her to think you recovered for HER sake. But recovery IS worth it and you don't have to do it for your mom. Do it for YOU. Don't listen to anyone who puts you down, it will only make it harder.
      There are so many people I am sure would love to help you and I am one of them :) even though I don't know you it would be very sad for me to know you gave up on your own life. Finding people who support you I think would help a lot. It can be scary, trust me I know, but I think it would help you tremendously! You can do this!

  3. Yes you can!! :) thinking of you a wishing you lots of luck :)

  4. Izzy, things are a little bit more complicated ...if only I could escape as you suggest I would without an hesitation. I have my own apartment but my mother came without really warning: told me on a friday that she take the plane saturday and would be by me on monday and that i leave the apartement keys in the letter box so that she can enter.
    She lives abroad at more than 5 000 miles ...she had a little argument with my father, got into a huff and decided to find refuse in my apartement.
    So she is .... My other sister do not want to have her in their house. No way.

    Do not know how log she will stay....probably until X-mas or will leave before ...also have a argument with one of my sister and say "if it so i go back home" and she will take the airplane the day after. Exit the mother.

    Actually my dad arrived from abroad also and lives in my apartement I have my father AND my mother...and me in between them when they have arguments !!!!

    Sometimes i hide in the kitchen or in my to bed early...;get up early....go to the office....

    Yesterday they came back from shopping and gave me a bento to take my lunchs at the office....I told them that I already have 3 other bento that I do not even use and that they take it back to the shop...I fact I did not want to have something offered by my mother but could not say it into her face...anyway it is not possible to say such thinks to her otherwise she can get very very upset and can get in a sulk for several days and atmosphere is impossible.
    We always have to use indirect means with her and it is exhausting !

    She will babysitting her grand son tomorrow...but not for the night because she doesn't want to, it pisses off her to do it....get what she told my sister: "i can't babysit him for the night because he will sleep in you sister's room and will disturb her" I am the ugly one....and it is not the first time she does this....last time she told her: "your sister works the whole week and is exhausted on the week end and wants to I can not babysit"...the thruth was that she was pissed off and did not want to help out my sister....and I was the naughty one !!!

    I am just tired but can not tell her not to come or to get out of here.....

    I want to recover to be strong enough to tell her the truth ...that I do not want to see her for a while and how so poisonning she can be !!!
    This could be the only motivation I could have right now!