Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, September 24, 2014

My thoughts - Everyone has a story

Something which i thought about the last day is how, there is so much about people which you dont know.
  So much about my friends which i still dont know... With my group of friends we are close and have a great friendship, but at the same time its not like we call each other late at night or tell our secrets... or maybe its just me? Maybe im out of the blue... haha

But even in my class, there is 33 of us and i see them almost everyday, spent 2 years with them... but still apart from my closest friends i barely know anything about the others in my class. Not that i dont want or havent tried. Its just that you cant go up to someone and ask them to tell you everything about them, haha.
 
Im going to take myself for an example, basically my whole life or 80% of my life is still a secret to my friends.. or not a secret, its just that how do you just bring up the fact that for almost 25% of your life you have struggled with a serious eating disorder and depression? How do you tell them that you have attempted suicide, that you have had scars covering your whole body? All the hospital appointments? How do you tell them that when you are so different now... when you have a smile on your face and a healthy body, it doesnt seem relevant. And it isnt, thats why i havent told them. But i havent even told them about my CF... something which is part of me.. something i will live with and there is no getting rid of. One of my friends has diabetes and is very open about that... so why cant i be as open about my life threatening illness as well? Maybe because i dont see myself as sick, but alsi  dont want others to see me as the girl with CF.
   However, my 2 tattoos... they are basically me putting the stamp and label on myself.
But also, my blogging, my emailing, helping people.... the previous day i sat in school and replied to emails and my friends came and sat beside me and were so interested in what i was typing.. and how fast i was typing. I just didnt know what to say? Telling them im emailing...? Spending 20+ minutes emailing, most teenagers dont do that. Though its just a part of my life, so i dont mind.



Not sharing these things about myself is a choice i have made, i can barely speak to my own family about certain things... i guess you can say im a closed book, though it may not seem like it on my blog. But thats because my blog is the place where i write out my thoughts, but still only like 40% of my thoughts really come up here...
   Sometimes i can find myself so different from my friends, i feel so much more grown up and mature. I've written about this before... i can feel so distanced. Like im not part of the group, like im soo different.... Though i know thats not the truth. Yes, i have been through alot but this brings me back to my main point. So has everyone else... there is so much about people which you dont know.

The way people behave is often because of past experience (as well as so many other things!). But the reason i can seem so organized, so controlled and in other peoples words perfect. Is because so much of my life has been chaos, i have been forced to grow up, to be mature. To make decisions... You can almost say i lost my childhood to a serious illness. I like to be organized and have things under control i guess for me, thats a comfort. I am not some control freak, but at the same time i like knowing things... i think rationally and think before i speak and before i behave.I think about the consequences of my actions... i feel like usually my mind is one step ahead of others.

This post has sort of taken its own turn, haah! But back to my main point!! Everyone has a back story, and remember that everyone has their own problems. Its easy to get caught up in your own worries but remember that everyone has been through something. Has something on their mind or something in their past. Everyone has some form of worry and stress (maybe not always, but most times)! So its good to think before you speak!


2 comments:

  1. Hi Izzy!
    I totally get what you are talking about! In my opinion, society nowadays is so superficial - people easily judge others just by what they see from the outside. But they don't really know anything! People should stop being like that but instead first think before saying anything about someone else!

    And I can totally identify with what you write about how you feel - that your head is one step ahead and that you are more grown up an mature than others. That's exactly how I feel, I couldn't describe it in a better way! Have you ever heard of being highly-sensitive? There's a great book by Elaine N. Aaron which I can really recommend! It's worth reading, maybe it's also great for you..?! :)
    greetings,
    Jana

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  2. I agree, I think you are more mature and grown up. And also there is an age difference. So since you are also young the age difference can be noticeable to you.
    Oh and about having a past that is so true! I think a lot of people like to think that everyone is as they appear and only they got a story to hide. Maybe I'm wrong. I've gone to the same school my whole life, so I've known a few people for 10 years. I am friends with them and I sort of know what's going on in their life now but their personal life, family situation etc. not so much. Same with me. I hardly say anything about my personal life and they don't know what I go through on a daily basis. But it was my choice, so I deal with it.
    Actually I think if you tell your classmates you have CF/had an ED it wont change the way they look at you. Not much at least. I understand you don't tell them because you think you'll then be the girl with CF or the sick girl. But they already know you are healthy and you've already known them for a while so for them to look at you differently it will take a lot more. Besides your illness is not something you can control. And your life wont drastically change once you tell someone. You will still take your medication and you will still act the same way.
    I'm not saying you have to or that I think you should. It's just if you do want to tell them then you don't have to be afraid :)
    Olivia

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