Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Maintaining weight at a low calorie intake

Anonymous said: I am maintaining a healthy weight on around 1400 calories :( I have tried upping to 2000 but my weight just shoots up so quickly and my metabolism refuses to catch up even after 4 weeks! After I gain then I go back down to like 1400 and lose the weight again... I just can't seem to get past this mile stone and I feel so lost. What do I do??! Why does my metabolism refuse to speed up like this no one else's seems too! If I increase to 3000 I'm scared my BMI will getso high and I can't handle it!
This is an example of why you should never recover on less than 2500-3000+. KEEP THIS IN MIND, READERS!

Answer from: XYou are not a unicorn. If you gradually increase the weight gain will stop and your metabolism will get back to normal. You can not escape the laws of energy. The weight gain is mostly water weight. More calories -> more repair -> water retention is a sign of healing, read more about it HERE.
If you gain weight despite eating normal amounts of food, it means you have not reached your set point weight. You have two choices:
1. Accept recovery, despite potential weight gain (a big part of it, in some cases all of it, is water/food in your stomach and system), increased calorie intake and ED screaming at you for a little while. Ps, thoughts and feelings are not dangerous. Bonus; increased life expectancy, glow, energy, freedom, health and a good metabolism.

2. Spend the rest of your life in starvation mode, sick and miserable with a body that does not even have enough energy to do basic things in your body, such as keep a normal temperature regulation, fertility, bone density hair growth, nail/skin, give you energy, and make your brain less rigid, food/body obsessed and disordered.

There is no other way than trusting me and the laws of energy, and eat more, no matter what. If you overshot your set point, you will loose the extra pounds without any restriction after a while. Imagine this; my naturally underweight sister goes on a weight gain diet to reach bmi 21. She eats 4000, reaches bmi 21, and then she starts eating by her hunger cues again. What happens? After a while she bumps right down to her previous, low bmi. Because she is not naturally a bmi 21.
Then imagine if a woman with a natural and healthy bmi 23 diets down to bmi 21, reaches it, and then starts eating by her hunger cues. What happens? She bumps right down to her previously bmi 23. Because she is not naturally a bmi 21.If they want to stay at bmi 21, they have to eat more/less than their bodies tell them, they have to overrun their bodies’ signals. This is by the way not the same as if a person with an anorexic bmi of 17 knows he or she has to gain weight, but fell stuffed and therefore ”can not go against my body”. Eating a lot is a part of recovery. But I dont think people who are naturally a bmi of, lets say 18, should try to gain weight just because they want more curves, just like I dont think people with bmi 23 should diet because they want to become thinner. Love yourselves boys and girls, no matter size. 


  1. Trigger warning!!!!!

    THIS THIS THIS!!! I have the exact same problem and it's horrible. I'm now at a healthy bmi 19 and I'm happy with how my body looks. My period is back and I look healthy(in my eyes, don't know how others see me). I look skinny now but at least I'm at a healthy bmi right? And I'm also happy with how I look(and that is a great feeling as you know:)))) ) BUT I can only eat like 1400 calories a day!! When I eat more calories(aka 2000 or sometimes a bit more) I gain weight! And then I mean LOTS of weight. Till a bmi of 23 and then I maintain.. But I'm small (162cm) and I don't know but I look very very fat when I have a bmi of 23(and this is true cos people said I was becoming fat-.-). I just hate myself with that bmi but I like it how I am now. But I just gain weight very easily with this weight and that sucks.

    1. I think a cause of this could be what kind of foods we eat. For instance, (I am NOT encurageing to exclude macronutrients or foods in your diet!!!) protein is the scientificly proven most satisfying macronutrient. Protein causes the digestive system to slow down / take longer time - because it takes time for your body to break down into absorbable amino acids. Your body uses energy to digest the foods you eat. When you eat foods that are hard to digest, your body has to spend more energy digesting the food. Let's say you eat 100 calories from tuna versus 100 calories from pure sugar. The sugar will be digested easily while the tuna will be digested slower. Your body will spend more energy digesting the 100 cal-worthy of tuna, than the 100 cal-worthy of sugar. So your body will have more energy from the sugar than the protein when the amount has been digested (put a bit on edge, remember to eat all types of food as it's important in a balanced diet). 2000 calories from mostly easily digested carbs will provide your body with more energy than 2000 calories from a proper amount of fat, protein, healthy carbs (and if course some "unhealthy" treats ;) ). Try including more protein (not powder, but from real food as powder is easily digested) and eat more fiver rich food. That will not only make you stay full for longer but it will also make you feel more focused and energized. I may seem to promote some kind of extreme low carb diet here, but I'm not!! Eat your carbs, plenty of them if you work out. But don't forget about protein, healthy fats and fiver rich foods such as vegetables and fruit, nuts and seeds etc.

      Anyone, feel free to follow-up because explaining has never been my strongest side :)

    2. ****fiver is supposed to be fiber! :)

    3. Eating 1400 isnt enough and the reason why you gain weight easily is either because you have ruined your metabolism from eating too little, or because your body doesnt actually want to be at BMI 19, even if your head thinks you do. Your body knows better... or its a combination of the both.
      But i think you should increase your calories, slowly say 100cal increase everyday for 1-2 weeks and after that increase again. Your body NEEDS more food, so what if you gain wieght. Eating too little will cause problems for you. And being so focused on weighing a certain amount or only eating a certain amount isnt healthy.

      And like the person said above, maybe the foods you are eating play a role as well`?

  2. You might not be at your set point yet, as 1400 is so little :/ I'm shorter than you (148cm), i dont count anymore but i'm sure i eat more than that :) and bmi 23 is a healthy bmi, and as long as u can maintain it without restriction than it's probably your set point :)

  3. I had a similar situation. I
    Went from restrictive eating and being underweight to eating a lot and poorly. I gained weight but was still a healthy weight. BUT no matter how much I weighed, I wanted to lose weight. So then I kept going back and forth, my weight was never the same and I wasn't happy at all. I was miserable. I thought there was no hope, that I couldn't maintain a healthy weight by healthy eating and balance, because I'd gain weight really fast even once I started eating normally. And even if I did I wasn't happy with the way I looked.
    After a period of time I decided I wasn't going to weigh myself anymore. First it was because I was terrified of seeing the number on the scale thinking it was too high. But now it's also because you shouldn't care about the number on the scale. As long as you know you are a healthy bmi you're good. And I know it's hard sometimes to accept your body's natural, healthy weight. But by eating so little you are not doing any good for your body. Your metabolism is suffering. Do you want to live on less than 2000 calories a day for the rest of your life? Do you want to worry about every bite you take? Is it worth your life? Life is so short and spending time on worrying isn't going to benefit you. You may like your body at a certain weight, but it's not always your ideal body weight. We're all different. Loving yourself NO MATTER WHAT is the important thing. Think, maybe a few months or years from now you'll think 'why didn't I just accept my body, myself and eat healthy, freely? Now it's too late' but it's not!!! You won't be happy even if you maintain your desired weight (if it's not healthy for YOUR body). You won't be able to enjoy life!
    I'm not a nutritionist, but what I can say is not eating enough won't help you in ANY way.
    I know maybe some think I'm being harsh or rude (I'm not aiming at that), but I really want you to understand. Because I've come to realize that worrying about food and calories isn't worth it!! I just want to help you and maybe you'll feel that something inside you agrees, you have a side that wants to forget about calories etc. and just be healthy. You may think I'm being hypocritical as I've been in the same situation and am still struggling. But I am fighting and so can you! :)

    1. Why does everything turn out so long, why can't I keep
      Anything short(er)? Haha ;)

    2. Very good advice :) But remember to follow it as well, when you feel you are struggling or want to lose weight or not eat, read back this comment which you wrote and remember these words :) I haven't read your latest email, so not sure what you've written. But i hope you are doing better and can follow your own words :)

    3. Aww thank you ;) But I don't think I would've been able to right that kind of stuff before, without your help. I also wouldn't have known half the information. Sometimes I write motivational texts like this (really long ones, haha!). And it helps. And you are right, maybe reading something you've wrote earlier while motivated can help you get past your struggle. I also sometimes write out my feelings, how I feel while obeying that voice. Of course I feel far from ok. So seeing how bad it was can also help.
      Thank you :) I really hope so too.

  4. So what about if a person's set point is a below normal BMI and your body just keeps going back to that? Surely just accepting that that's your body's set point is okay and you have to keep overriding the signals so you can at least be a healthy weight.
    And also, who is to say this whole "set point" thing is correct? It's not scientifically proven. Take for instance the person who eats more calories to gain weight gains the weight and reaches a healthy weight. Then she decides to eat as "normal" who is to say that the amount she reduces her calorie intake to is normal? Your body can adapt to anything if you expose it long enough. If you eat a high calorie diet to maintain a healthy BMI, your body and mind will eventually adapt to that and there shouldn't be any issues of going back to some lower value you believe is "normal" for you.

    1. Well the body does have a natural set point, but you are right... it can change. All my life, before i was sick i was underweight. I don't think i had ever had a healthy BMI, which was why i found it so unfair that i had to have a healthy BMI to be declared healthy. However, that is such a sick mind of thinking. Yes, my body naturally is very slim and has a low weight set point, but that doesn't mean that i can't have a healthy weight. Because that's what i have now. Granted, eating lots and doing strength training is what helps me keep the weight. Im not sure what i would weigh if i didnt strength train.
      But the body naturally has a healthy weight, for some it's less, for some its more. I mean there are many people who are naturally very skinny and there BMI would be on the underweight side, however there body works fine and they are perfectly healthy... just there weight is a little low. But no matter how hard they try they can't seem to gain weight and keep it on.
      Everyone is different, some people naturally have a higher healthy bmi. Ex. my sister and I. We look very different in body shape but both are very healthy and are at our healthy set points... Our body keeps us at the weight we are (when we're at the set point) and it takes either eating a very high calorie amount for a long time to gain weight, or eating very little for a long time to lose weight.

      However the important thing after someone has had an eating disorder is to actually be a healthy weight. I do admit, alot of focus is put on weight when it comes to recovery which i dont think there should be as much focus on. But i think (could be wrong?) that there is a higher chance of relapse for those people who have a lower bmi after recovery as it just takes a little bit of weightloss to trigger the ED thoughts again.
      Thats why its important to have a healthy BMI and also because the body has been under so much stress that it takes more for it to feel healthy again.

      Im not really sure what your aim of the comment was... i.e critisizing or informative, so maybe i've jsut written loads which is unrelevant to your comment. But im a little tired right now, haha.

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. I just found this blog last night and it has been wonderful to see I'm not alone in my thinking! I'm afraid to sit for too long...I have had to limit my exercise (that's from my doctor) causes me anxiety if I don't get to exercise...the goal right now is to get me to eat at least 1200 calories a day (from doctor) but that's hard to do since I'm afraid to gain weight. But then knowing I don't meet 1200 calories most days - especially with exercise, walking/running, swimming, and being on my feet all day...yet feel I am gaining weight/thickness :/ It's so frustrating!!! Then I see my sister (or others) who yes are taller and made differently eat and she does exercise (but not excessively) and yet she is so slender :/ Anyways... any thoughts? or help? Thanks.