Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Monday, September 1, 2014

Hunger after recovery?

I have a question: do you find yourself less able to stand hunger after your ED (even you've fully recovered)? I don't know if ED has this long-term damaging effect, although I'm not fully recovered yet, I find myself unable to stand hunger and am constantly afraid of getting hungry. I vaguely remember before my ED I wasn't this weak at enduring hunger (e.g. getting hungry in lessons -> could wait until lunch break; if this happened now, I would not be able to concentrate at all). I don't know if there is any scientific study about this 'fear of hunger' thing, but I am wondering whether ED has affected your ability to stand hunger or not.
Thanks in advance Izzy!

This is actually a really good question, so thank you for answering.

I dont know whether there is any scientific study or reason behind why someone with an ED might feel hungrier or be scared of hunger.

With the scared of hunger i think that can be because hunger reminds you of when you were sick, of when you wouldnt let yourself eat. You dont want to feel that feeling or have those types of thoughts so avoiding hunger is a way of avoiding what could be a triggering emotion for you?
  I wouldnt say that i am scared of hunger, because im not... but i mean i wouldnt purposely make myslf go around hungry and if i can eat i will. I love food.

I do think that with feeling more hungry than others has to do with during recovery you expand your stomach. Also you get used to eating your 5-7 meals and then your body and stomach gets used to that... so when it comes to your normal eating time you get hungry as your body is used to getting food then.
  Also during recovery you keep increasing calories meaning that your body adapts to a higher energy amount, often increasing your metabolism also meaning that you feel more hungry... infact people who have recovered from restrictive eating and have successfully and successively increased their calories often need and can eat more than normal people.
     As you might see on my blog i often eat large portions (hahahahah Extra large ;)) and very frequently.  I do of course have CF and exercise often so that contributes to why i am so hungry, but also my body is used to eating at certain times. Thats why i find in school when it comes to 11am my body is hungry for lunch, so it sucks when i then have to wait until 12 or 12.30 to eat and then dont finish until around 4pm and am home by 4.30 or later and during summer i would eat a snack at 3pm and dinner at 6 or 7pm... so now my body i guess is just trying to get used to the different eating schedule.

But back to topic.... With being able to stand against hunger? I do actually think that when someone has recovered from an ED they are alot more aware than others to make sure they eat at the right time and make sure they get the proper energy. They dont so easily forget to eat, but also that meal times should hopefully be something the person looks forward to. Whilst many normal people can forget to eat or wait so long until they are super hungry and then just eat some sandwiches for dinner. They dont really know how to listen to their body... but i find that i know my body so well. I know when im hungry and what it is i want to eat... whether that is for everyone who recovers from an ED or not i dont know. But i do think that when someone has recovered they should hopefully know how to listen and trust their body. To eat when they are hungry, not just wait....
   My whole family are people who forget to eat and i used to be the same, but now when im hungry i eat.

I did have a period 2 years ago or so when i was thinking about hunger and i realised that i no longer had, what i saw as self disciplin..... If i was hungry i ate, i couldnt and wouldnt wait. This also has to do with the fact that i get low blood sugar if i dont eat every 3-4 hours (i.e headache, mood swings, feel faint, lack of concentration, irritation and even anger). But i felt like if i would ever go on a diet i wouldnt be able to follow it because i felt hungry so often..... Though this isnt something that has bothered me because im not planning on going on a diet ;) And when i did do intermittent fasting for a while it worked fine i.e i was able to control myself. But it wasnt a long term thing anyway and weightloss wasnt what i was after.
   If i need to fast for bloodtests or things like that then i am able to that, and really there is no other reason why i should need to fast or keep myself from eating. 
The problem can also be though, that when you recover from anorexia it can go from super strict control over food to letting go of control of food and eating and you begin binging. Which is another ED and its not good to turn from that... so if anyone feels that they are constantly eating huge amounts and cant control it. (Though have extreme hunger and eating alot during weight gain isnt the same thing as binge eating).

This post is dragging on and im losing track of the point, hahaah!!
    But yes, i do feel that i cant stand against hunger as much as i could before i was sick or when i was sick. But thats ok... because my body needs food, it needs energy so i dont see why i shouldnt eat when im hungry. If i need that snack inbetween classes then ill eat it.
Everyone is different of course, so hunger and fullness and all that is individual :)


  1. Izzy, thank you for answering my question in such great details! This really helps a lot. People around me often forget/too busy/too lazy to eat, and seems like they never get really hungry, and eat small portions/fill full very soon even if they say they are hungry. I'm often confused when I'm eating with them, since I feel like I'm the 'abnormal' one (but in fact I think I am). But as you've always said, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT, so I just have to ignore the negative thoughts in my head and do my own thing :-)
    J :-)

    1. I understand your concern so much: I often seem to feel hunger with some kind of super radar but, you know, after reading the story of so many people who recovered and above all thanks to this blog, while I do believe of course that recovery is possible, I also think that the ED changes us. The fact that you recover means you overcome it but as Izzy also says it, it made us more conscious of the importance of a balanced/adequate/good/healthy/conscious (your pick ;) ) relationship with nutrition and health. We'll never be the same, but it might as well had been an improvement. I am not saying at all that you need to fall into an ED to start reflecting on your habits and the way you listen to and appreciate your body, but the ED was kinda the harsh way to learn it. So as much as I hate ana, it leaves us with this better understanding that could seem odd compared to people who don't really care. I am also trying to convince I'm not that abnormal ;) but oh well, what if we are right ? Cheers ! (sorry I made it so long ^^)

    2. I totally feel this way too! It seems harder to stand hunger, almost harder than when I was restricting? When I sense hunger, I can only think FOOD NOW. It's annoying when I'm in class, I've had to start bringing snacks/juice to class in case I get hungry.

      I think one reason for this is that recovering has made me feel so much better, and now I realize how much misery I was tolerating before, and I don't want to be miserable any more. When I'm hungry, I get more anxious/tired/sad/grumpy/unable to concentrate. I know that food will help, when I was deep in a disorder I didn't know any better and put up with misery because I thought it was unavoidable.

    3. Thank you all for the sharing, I'm glad that I'm not the only one who is feeling this way :-) Screw the hunger, just EAT!