Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Half recoverd

Half recovery... a very tricky stage. In some parts, both physically and mentally you feel healthy. Like you are normal... like others, but there are still certain restrictions and fears you have. Not quite letting yourself fully recover. Maybe scared of reaching your healthy set point..scared of letting go of your comfort and your ED. Scared of certain foods and certain things/events/food evoke anxiety... feeling like you can live life, but at the same time there is a wall around you stopping you from really living.
   But you cant fool yourself into staying in this place... thinking that this is all there is. Because it isnt. There is MORE to life than half recovery and you cant give up there... you have come so far. You need to keep fighting.

If you want to read about my half recovery and advice on how to overcome this stage click HERE

When i was half recovered i felt fat... i felt HUGE. I had this fear that when i reached my healthy weight, after gaining another 5kg i would be even bigger. But its now when i look back at photos from that time that i realise how skinny i was, that i didnt look healthy. And that those 5kg DID make a difference to my mental health. I still had ED habits and thoughts and was still depressed. But with the weight gain it brought energy and strength to help me really recover.
  One thing which i find sad though is that i have had people tell me, mainly through my blog that i looked better at this stage... when i was half recovered. That i was still skinny and pretty, i looked good and that that is there goal body... Hearing this makes me sad. I was STILL underweight and i was FAR from healthy. I binged, purged, restricted, self harmed, was depressed. I wasnt healthy. And aiming for that body - an underweight body, SHOULDNT be someones goal.
  Whether someone thinks im prettier then than now doesnt make much difference to me, because i am happy with my body now. I dont need anybody elses approval, but the fact that an underweight body is seen as a goal weight and perfection is the thing that scares me and makes me sad. It shouldnt be that way.



  2. The fact that people think you look healthy at this weight confuses me. You look very, very thin and underweight. How is underweight more attractive than you now? How is it better than healthy?
    You look absolutely gorgeous now, ignore those comments.
    Hope your day's gone well so far!

    -Rose x

    1. Its a strange thing that... many dont see this body as underweight because its not like 'bones sticking out everywhere'.. but its still underweight and not healthy. My body was not a healthy girls body.

  3. I know you said you don't need anyones approval, but I think you look much more beautiful now then you did before. The important thing is you are happy and alive. I'm going to be honest, I can in some way understand those who aim for that body. I'm in no way saying you should do that or that it's a good thing. It's just that I was like that too. I believed that kind of body, an underweight one, was perfect and for me. Now I'm trying to get away from that place. I truly think you are absolutely beautiful right now! And knowing that your body is functioning and not suffering is also nice to know :)Olivia

    1. Thank you :)
      You really should try to get away from those thoughts... they arent ones you want in your head. They will just bring negativity and sad feelings because you are perfect just the way you are. Losing weight wont make you feel better either, or make you happier.
      And yes, knowing my body works properly is the best :)

  4. You look So much healthier now. I've still got 15kg's to gain to get to the minimum bmi and I feel enormous. Your post has showed me just how distorted anorexia makes our perception of ourselves. Thank you again

    1. You can do it, i promise! Ive gained c.a 23/24kg from my lowest weight, if i can do it, so can you. You have to see the weight gain as a good thing, because it is a good thing. Its helping you!

  5. How can people be so inconsiderate? Izzy, you are so beautiful the way you look now !! Beauitful, healthy and happy. I just don't understand how people can say stuff like that. Like it's all too easy to believe this yourself, in your own head, when you are suffering from an ED - " I look better being skinny/half-recovered". but when people make such thoughtless comments like those, well...what can I say. These sort of remarks are essentially making it even harder for people with EDs to make a full recovery, to accept that thinness is NOT pretty.
    I can really relate to this post Izzy, as I suppose I am sort of at this stage of half recovery. And I often get down and anxious when I look at myself and think...I know I am not FULLY recovered, I know I still have a bit more to gain, but...I will just be so big if I gain any more weight! My belly is so huge enough, as it is! But I am determined to try more than ever to be healthy and fully let go of my ED...for I know deep down that I still have a way to go. But I am lucky in that everyone I know tells me that I will look so much more better if I DO gain a bit more - noone has ever said that I should try stay the way I am now. I am so, so glad Izzy that you have learned to ignore hurtful comments like these - and it is very true that it is a very, very sad and scary thing that there are people out there who think there is beauty in being underweight, anorexic, or half-recovered. Thanks a million for such an inspiring, motivating post Izzy.

    1. Thank you :) Yeah, those types of comments can definitely be triggering for those in recovery. Luckily i am happy in my body and so they dont affect me... somedays i might think a little extra about them, but in general, not really :)
      Its good that you have a supportive family, who remind you to keep going and that it will be better to full recover! So keep fighting :)