Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Eating without guilt

Food is one of the necessities in life, just like air, water, sleep etc..... Without these, you cant survive. Not for long anyway.

You dont getanxiety or guilt after every breath you take, so why should you feel guilty after every bite you take? The fact is, your body - most of the time - can handle food. If you eat excessively for a long period of time, then your body begins to gain weight,.... or if you eat too little for a longer period of time your body begins to lose weight.

You dont (or shouldnt anyway) feel guilty for drinking water or sleeping, they are necessities which your body needs to survive.

You need 2-3l water everyday to make your body happy and healthy, just like you need 2000 +/- kcal everyday for your body to function properly. Why deny yourself this?

The most important thing to tackle the guilt is to ask yourself, Why do you feel guilty? What is it with food that causes you guilt or anxiety.
  If its the fear of gaining weight, then think rationally... will eating this 1 meal make me gain weight? No. Will eating these 6 meals in a day make me gain weight? Not necessarily, however if you are on a weight gaining meal plan and you need to gain weight, then the meal plan is of course made for just you and your needs. And weight gain SHOULDNT be something you fear.... you should work against that fear. Know that the weight gain is a good thing. You are going from underweight to healthy... not from a healthy weight to an overweight, because that is a completely different thing.
   If you get guilt or anxiety because of whats in the food... then once again think rationally? Will a little sugar or butter or cream etc really harm me? It wont do any damage to the inside of your body, and it wont do any harm to the outside of your body either.
    Your metabolism and body should be able to break down all types of food... use the food to recover and repair. To give you energy... thats what the body does. It uses the food you eat (all types of food) to break down into energy. Some of the energy goes to your cells to repair themselves, to grow stronger, recover, repair and the rest goes to the movement of your body and thinking etc So really, why be scared of that chocolate cake slice? Thats nothing to be feared.
  Am i recommending you to eat a whole cake just because the food will break down into energy and be used? No im not.... what im saying is that everything in moderation is ok. No matter what type of food it is.

Before and after each meal decide that you are going to enjoy the food. That it will NOT give you anxiety. That instead, you will sit and enjoy what you are about to eat. And after each meal remind yourself that you did a good thing by eating. That the food is helping to nourish your body...
  No matter if you are underweight, normal weight or over weight you need to eat. Your body needs energy. How much energy your body needs is very individual.

And if you binge? Well, you cant erase the past. HOWEVER you can take this mistake and learn from it.... to not repeat it. To find a way to NOT binge. To find what triggers your binges and to cope with that.... binging isnt the same as eating a normal sized meal, or taking an extra bit just because its so delicious. Binging is not a healthy habit, but once again.... you shouldnt feel guilty. You should just realise that what you did wasnt a good thing, that you need to try to change that behaviour and mindset that goes along with binging.

Avoid compensation due to guilt. You will still eat your next meal because your body needs the energy. You WONT excessively exercise just because you ate a fear food, you WONT purge or self harm. Or any other form of compensation.
   That wont help your body... you shouldnt have to punish yourself for eating. Eating is a natural thing which your body needs, not something that you have to go run 10km to earn or to burn.

Fight the guilty feelings. And find a way to cope... find your HEALTHY coping mechanism. Find what can distract you from the thoughts...  talking, writing, listening to music, resting, drawing etc etc And if you are out at a cafe or restaurant, then take deep breaths. Have a motto or mantra... stay calm. Think rationally.

Because the truth is, deep down you KNOW you shouldnt feel guilty for eating. That you might have enjoyed the meal whether you admit it or not.... dont listen to the voice in your head, think of the rational side. Because your ED isnt rational.

Remind yourself before the meal to enjoy it and after the meal that the eating was delicious and that you did a good thing by eating - even if it doesnt feel like it. Fake it till you make it.


  1. Thank you soo much! This really speaks to me. Whenever I eat something 'unhealthy' (don't like that word -_-) I mean I'll eat everything in moderation like I'm supposed to, but I can't help feeling guilty. But I know I have GOT to fight it no matter what. Your post came at a good time :)
    It's so sad reading this, realizing that someone feels guilty for eating (even if it's fries/cake/ice cream, whatever), for freakin' eating (sorry), it's just food! Even though I'm in the same situation. It's like there are to sides to me. One that thinks rationally and knows whats good for me and another one thats stopping me from living freely, happily.
    Anyway, have an awesome day! You rock!! :)

  2. And what if you want to enjoy the food, but something just ruins everything?
    I mean, I am usually looking forward to eating: IF the food I'm gonna eat is delicious, sometimes even my favourite, but there is sg (a certain circumstance, a comment) that makes it impossible to enjoy the food, no matter how delicious it would be. Sometimes it happens that I have to eat with others, with people with whom I do not like eating with. I don't want to hurt anyone really, but you know: there are people who are munching while eating or an insect is flying around or you eat in the garden but there is an unpleasant smell. I know these are stupid things, and I have to learn to eat among or with others, but sometimes I just want everyone to leave me alone while I am eating. I don't even like talking then. And the worst: okay, you have convinced me that I should not care about people commenting on my food or the amount I am eating. And I thought I am over this, I mean I try not to care, but they are really driving me crazy. For example, i was eating salmon (which has a typical smell, I know, and I am also aware that some people hate even the smell of fish) and my collegues complained that it stinked. I know it didn't go off, but I just didn't know what to eat. Finally I did, but I have this obsession anyway that if I eat sg "bad" I become disgusting. It was really delicious, but I care too much about what others think and say. I don't tell them that eating let's say beef is disgusting even if I hate it. I know it isn't true, but some say that you are what you become. Then will I become disgusting and unacceptable just because sy says that the food I am eating has a bad smell?! It makes no sense, right?!