Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Sunday, September 21, 2014

Eating normal foods

How did you manage / convince yoursel not to eat anymore fatless /fatfree/sugarfree/sugarless item to eat "normal" plain food ?
I am struggling ... i just can't help myself when i go shopping scrutinising label to find the less fat quark or yogurt, les suger jam ou fruit dairy, less fat cheese and so one for everything....
I am alway aiming for 0% products.....
If not i feel so stressed when I have have to eat normal plain food....I just could cry when I have to eat regulat or plain yogurt/quark/cottage cheese?

To start off, i know how you are feeling, i used to feel the same way. Eating 2% yoghurt was the worst thing i know. The amount of arguments i had in the shop with my mum when she told me that we had to buy 2% and not 0,5% yoghurt is crazy. I even had a time when i got so much anxiety over the fact that we wouldn't buy low fat yoghurt or milk that i ran out of the shop and kept walking for about 2 hours straight, refusing to answer my mobile and my mum threatened to call the police if i didn't return. That type of thinking, that type of behaviour is crazy to me now. But it was a control thing, a fear and an anxiety. I thought that if  i were to eat the 2% yoghurt with a 10kcal difference, suddenly i would balloon up in weight. I felt like my body was expanding, just looking at the yoghurt... but that is NOT the case.
  And the most important advice/tip i can give is to face the fear. Because nothing bad will happen because you don't eat low fat. If im honest, the low fat options often aren't all the great.. just because they are low in fat doesn't mean they are better, infact they are often filled with other additives.

One thing with low fat products is that, they often dont fill you up... they are low calorie and often very light.. i.e the yoghurt is really runny, the milk is like water, the low fat bars are tiny... so within an hour or even 30 minutes you might be hungry again. Which can be a good thing if you are in recovery, to feel hungry and want to eat more. And then with the normal products, because they have a normal energy amount, and are filled with all the good stuff - instead of just additives and chemicals - they fill you up longer, which can be a downfall because then maybe you are filled up too long. HOWEVER, With the normal fat % products, you dont need to eat as much. Which is a BENEFIT in recovery, because it can be hard on your stomach to eat the amount you need. So buy choosing higher fat products you dont need to eat as much, compared to if you buy the lower fat or no fat products you need to eat double the amount to even make you full and to get the right energy amount.

Also think like this... What is your goal? I am pretty sure your goal isnt and SHOULDNT be weightloss. So why do you need the low fat products? Its not like eating the normal ones will make you gain weight, because lots of people eat the normal fat products and dont gain weight, they are a normal weight and a healthy weight. But the low fat products are often for those on a diet or need to lose weight, but im sure YOU dont. 
  Instead, buy the 3% yoghurt, but the delicious 10% greek yoghurt instead of the runny-doesnt-taste-like-greek-yoghurt 3% one. Go for the 34% cheese instead of the 15% cheese....  Go for full fat milk instead of skim milk.
    Your body will feel alot better with it. Instead of just having these chemically made ones.

Recovery ISNT about easy or about comfort. Its not about listening to the voice in your head and doing what feels comfortable. Its about facing your fears. ALL OF THEM. You cant live a healthy life with a fear of 2% yoghurt. That isnt healthy. So you need to face that fear.

Begin with, one week buying normal jam and full fat milk... use those 2 products. Get rid of the sugar free/skimmed milk... just face those fear foods everyday until they no longer give you anxiety. You have tobe STRICT with yourself. Dont let yourself listen to the voice in your head. Know that everything will be ok... Then the next week, buy full fat yoghurt and another of your fear food and keep facing them (as well as the others) until they are no longer fear foods.
  The only way to make a fear no longer a fear is to face them. Find a motto or mantra you can tell yourself when it gets tough, know that you are doing a GOOD thing by facing your fears. It might not feel all that good in the beginning, but it gets easier. Soon you will realise that you go into the shop and just buy the product you want, you dont sto and look at the nutrional value or fat procent. Because that doesnt matter to you.
  Give it a try... see what happens.

For me, the way i got over the fear was by facing it. At Mando all the foods were normal fat procent, so i had no choice. But when i was at home i wanted the low fat products but my mum became very strict and soon i wasn't allowed to go food shopping with her because each time i went we would begin arguing, i would begin crying, i would storm out and have a panic attack because of the anxiety. So each time my mum came home with the food shopping (when i was a day patient) i knew she would come home with normal products. It took a long time until i actually managed to eat those at home, if you know my story you know that for the first year at Mando whenever i was at home i just cheated with my food and did wrong, hence why i was an inpatient 4/5 times at Mando.
  But then when i had choosen recovery i knew that i had to eat the food we had at home. I couldnt argue with my mum , i had to argue with the voice in my head. Prove to my mum that i could be normal and eat the food we had at home and prove to my ED that i was stronger than it.

Now when i am healthy the food we have at home is the food we like. I dont always go food shopping so i just eat whatever my parents buy... some weeks its 0,5% yoghurt, other weeks its 3,5%. Milk is always the standard milk, cottage cheese is the normal fat procent etc etc
   Food is not chosen based on the nutritonal value or fat procent,but based on what we like, and thats how it should be!

Of course, buying a low fat product doesn't automatically make you sick, but being able to eat either or.. not being scared of food that has a higher fat content is important. You should feel relaxed eating whatever :) Ex. somedays i want a questbar, otherdays i want chocolate. Its balance. Some weeks we eat high fat procent yoghurt, other weeks we eat lower fat procent. Its all ok.

I hope this advice is a little helpful to you anyway!

^^How our fridge typically looks after food shopping ;)


  1. Great post. Can I ask your opinion? I've been in recovery for 6 weeks now and have been gaining about 1.5kg a week. This weight gain is freaking me out and it seems a lot to gain every week. I'm so worried it is going to keep on like this. I'm currently in day care so eating there. Is this gain normal? Is it too much? I want to restrict to stop it.

    Sorry for all of the questions.

  2. Another thing to remember is that fat is GOOD. We all need fat. There has been a lot of backlash against fat, but more recently (past ten years or so), they are finding that low-fat diets can cause more health issues than they solve.

    In fact, fat is required to digest all the nutrients in foods such as vegetables. You will get more out of a salad with a fat-type dressing (not fat-free dressing) than a salad without fat.

  3. Izzy,

    Many thanks for havieng answered my question.
    Saturday, whan i want shopping i bought the full fat yogurt. I have to say that yes they taste much better but whilst eating them i still had a small knot in the throat and stomach....even though i tried to get over it and not think about it.

    But my muesli milk is halffull milk or oatmilk or soy milk as stomac goes upset if i eat too much dairy.

    And unless i am mistaken, dairy are bad for helth arren't they ... its calf food not for humain...and we are not supposed to drink or eat dairy aren't we.
    But then I just ask myself ...what sahll I put il my muesli then? Fruit juice ?