Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Diary Entry 2011 - dont give up

May 2011

Ive hit a wall.
huge, brick, stone wall. its all i can see. it caries on up, up, up. and all the way infront of my path.
I cant see past it.

Ive been strong to long, i cant carry on. this wall is stopping me. i cant go by it, all i can do is turn back.
All my good work, gone. all my hard work.

I just want to stand in a corner and cry.

I cant do this anymore. its all too much.

I want to turn back.

I dont want to gain any more wieght. i dont want to sit here and eat. i dont want to live my life anymore.
I cant get past this. things are too hard.

Ive done this for too long,ive been fighting too long. all my strength is gone. and suddely, in a split second. I give up.

Recovery isnt easy. Recovery is hard. It takes time. It takes energy. It takes strength. And it is easy to give up.... most of my time recoverying i just wanted to give up. I wanted to stop eating. To just let the anxiety control me. I wanted to stop the anxiety. I didnt want to eat. I didnt want to be strong... but i was. I was strong. Everyday.
  I fought, i didnt let the anxiety destroy me. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run. I wanted to jump infront of a train. But i sat quiet, writing out my feelings and thoughts.
  Each day was hard... but in time i realised, i was getting stronger, the anxiety was fading. Eating wasnt as hard. 
  Even if somedays were harder than others.... and soemdays i thought i would never be healthy. I never let go of my motivation to become healthy. I kept stronger, even when it felt like i would break.

So remember that.
   Somedays are hard, but you cant give up just because of that. You have to be extra strong those days.You can recover.
  I believe in every single one of you who are struggling, with whatever illness it is you have. 
  Or even if you dont have any illness, i believe that you can achieve any dream/goal you set!!! :) (post i wrote about (you've most probably read?) that recovery is possible!)


  1. Dear Izzy
    Thank you so much .. I'm doing a therapy as an inpatient at the moment and I have already gained 5 Kilo. But I need to gain 13 more and it's so hard... you really help me. I read your Blog every Day and showed it to my therapist. She loves it and says that it is a really good recovery Blog. She gave the adress to other girls of our Group and sometimes we talk about your posts (positive thinking, healthy snack ideas,...)
    You are a real rolemodel and you are good the way you are. You Show that life isn't always easy but you can handle up's and down's.
    I hope you have a nice Day. ♡

  2. Hi Izzy! Thank you for this great post. Shows how amazing and strong you are.
    I hope you don´t mind that I share some thoughts I´ve had.
    I first started trying to loose weight when I was twelve and really made it happen when I was 17. Now I´m 23 an haveve been diagnosed with anorexia for 5 years. Still stuck in underweight and half recovery with all kinds of ed rules and safe foods and obsessive exercise.
    But here is the thought. Why am I stuck? What more could anorexia show me? I have had about all the symptoms, I have been hospitalized several times and I have even had surgery because of the damage I´ve made. Why on earth am I still holding on to this disease? Why not give recovery a chance? I know that this illness gives me nothing, it has only taken everything!
    There is no way that eating more will make me less able to exercise, less able to study or less able to work!
    Why am I stuck?

  3. Thanks Izzy! You're right recovery is hard and it's a fight everyday. I'm at an healthy weight now but struggling everyday so I won't relapse. I want to get over this! May I ask how long it took for you to recover and actually how long does it take to see some progress with strength training? I just started and also want to change my diet but I'm scared that I'll relapse if I do so :/ (I do eat alot of nuts though haha) do you maybe have an example meal plan for muscle gain?