Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Thursday, September 18, 2014

Answers - weight

Would you share your current weight?

Between 62-64kg... though i only get weighed at the CF clinic every 4-8 weeks, and thats the weight ive been at for the past year or so :)

How long was it at your healthy weight your period came back
A few months. You have to give your body time to feel safe and healthy... but also remember that doing too much exercise can prolong the time it takes to get your period back.

what made you see weight is just a fluctuating number?
I was never someone who was super obsessed with the scale as we never had a scale at home. However i did feel very freaked out and got anciety about the number... i never really had a goal weight i wanted to be at... i just wanted to lose weight and felt i wasnt allowed to eat. But then during recovery once i found out about my goal weight it set off alarms in my head and it took me 1,5 years until i accepted that i had to weigh that number.
  But like i said in my post a few days ago, once my case manager told me that if i was actually healthy then the number shouldnt matter to me. That really hit me and i realised that it was just a number, that my goal was to be happy. TO be healthy, to live my life. Not to weigh a certain number. I tried to stop focusing so much on numbers... on calories, clothes sizes, calories burned, hours exercised etc etc They were just numbers.
  For me it helped alot that i didnt have a scale at home, i think my obsession and fear of weight would have been even worse if we had a scale at home. But when i was only being weighed every 2 weeks or so it made it easier to instead focus on other things... focus on being happy and healthy. Doing things i enjoyed, eating.. not thinking about whether it made me gain weight or not.
  It also helped me to realise that some weeks when i ate LOADS, and had eaten ice cream and chocolate all week and really tried to gain weight and rested i hadnt gained weight. It made me realise that gaining weight isnt as easy as just eating an extra apple.
Also, once i decided that i wanted ot be healthy. I wanted to be declared healthy i had to realise that there was no way out of gaining the weight, i HAD to do it.I could spend years going back and forth, not actually trying to recover, just half trying... or i could really try. Really give full recovery a go.
   I was also give an ultimatum from my case manager. I was only going to Mando once every 2 weeks or so but she told me that if i didnt try to gain weight i would be back to day patients from 8-4pm and i didnt want that. I didnt want to go backwards, i wanted to go forwards. So that helped me to not panic so much about weight and weight gain because i knew what was waiting for me if i didnt gain weight. And i wanted to avoid it all costs.
   So sometimes an ultimatum or a kick in the behind is exactly what you need.

But like ive written many times, weight is just a number... i mean i weigh more now than before. More than i ever thought i would. I was so focused on the numbers, the number on the scale determined my happiness, determined how i was feeling. But now, well if i weigh 62kg one day and wake up and weigh 64kg the next day, it wouldnt really make so much difference to me. Though i mean if i were to wake up and weigh say 68kg and have no reason why, then i would feel a little worried, if it was an unknown weight gain just like if i woke up and weighed 58kg, then i would feel a little panicked, not knowing why i had lost weight. But its not the actual number that would bother me, it would be not knowing why it had happened.
  Though as we dont have a scale at home i really dont know my weight, but ive kept a pretty stable weight for the past 2 years  ;);)

Not my best advice about this subject, but i hope it helps a little. haha.


  1. What is your favourite brand of yoghurt? And what is your favourite kind of yoghurt? Do you prefer Greek, soy, any other kind and what brand do you like the most? :)

  2. Where do you get your quorn fillets from? :)

  3. I have gained weight but I still haven't had a period Izzy. I have only ever had my period once, about five years ago, but before and since then nothing at all..i am worried that i have caused irreversible damage to my there nothing I can do or is it really too late ? :(

    1. Hmmm... its hard to answer without knowing you or anything like that. But you might need hormone pills... or it could be that your body doesnt actually feel safe enough and you need to gain more. Remember to give it time before your period comes back. Its not like you suddenly reach your goal weight and your period comes back. Otherwise, if you are exercising that can be affecting it as well. If you exercise too much this puts stress on your body and prolongs the time until your period comes back, or can cause it to not come back at all as its under so much stress from the exercise.
      Or it could be that you dont have enough fat on your body... so all these different reasons, the best thing is to go to your doctor :)

  4. Hey Izzy :)Would it be inaproppriate to ask how tall you are?