Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

You have your own struggles and battles

If you are sick with an ED, please dont compare yourself to anyone else who is sick.
   I used to do it all the time, i mean it didnt help the fact that i spent so long stuck in hospital amongst loads of other girls/giys who were suffering with the same illness.
  Everyday I saw the other patients, I compared myself to them. I told myself that i wasn't sick enough to be in hospital, didn't understand why i needed a wheelchair, whilst another girl who was just skin and bones didn't need one.
   I didn't understand why I, the fat one, had to eat so much more compared to the others. I cried because i thought the staff and doctors had just put in hospital to laugh at me, to make me so fat... to taunt me as i had to be around all the other skinny patients.
   I was only sick for 4 years, that was nothing compared to some people... so, i thought, i couldn't possibly be sick... im not sick enough.
 Not even with a BMI of 13 was i sick enough, because there were others who had a much lower BMI than I.... i never really saw myself as sick. At times i thought i was just a fake....
  
My scars were never deep enough, there were others who had more scars than me. Other patients who had attempted suicide more than me...
  It almost became a battle of who was sickest... comparison day in and day out.

I compared myself to those who were getting ebtter... wondered what they were doing. Why they were allowed more time at home... i then began thinking, well im sicker than them... because ive spent more time in hospital.

All of those thoughts ^^^Very sick thoughts.
  No matter if your lowest BMI was 12 or 16, no matter if you ate X calories or Y calories... it doesn't matter. Dont ever tell yourself that you aren't sick enough, because you have your own battles. Your own scars and journey...
  everyone is different and you can't/shouldn't compare yourself to others... It doesnt matter if you were only sick for 1 year, or 15 years... it really doesn't.
   If you have had an ED or are struggling with an ED, you still have/had hhad an ED, just for a certain amount of time... and you should in faact be happy if you managed to over come you ED in a shorter period of time, not feel bad because you weren't suffering long enough?

Please focus on yourself, on finding the motivation to recover, not compare yourself to others who are sick. DOnt make yourself even worse, lose even more wieght just to try to prove something to someone or to yourself.
  
Eating disorders are not competitions of who is the sickest/smallest/lowest weight or has eaten the lowest amount of calories... none of that matters. Your recovery and health is the only thing that matters.


2 comments:

  1. If you ever have the time to write and wouldn't mind the topic suggestion, could you maybe write more about your depression and what it was like during your depression and things you did to overcome it? Do you think your depression was mainly caused by the anorexia and undernourishment or was it a condition separate from the Anorexia you had to deal with too?

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  2. When did the staff at Mando declare you healthy? They targeted the BMI? Or when you reached a specific weight , of course with the mind changing and a different attitude toward food?

    My feelings about food are changing already and I believe my mind is healthier, while my weight is not yet. How should I know I am physically healthy.

    Should I target a BMI?

    Love your posts :)

    Irina

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