Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Talkback Tuesday: Eating disorders and relationships

This week i thought i would discuss about relationships when having and eating disorder. These are just my point of views, but feel free to comment with your own.

Ill start with, i was very young when i developed my ED so i guess i was just beginning to think about boyfriends, but it was never a big deal for me. I had my friends and school to think about... but i had that one crush who i thought i was cute. However as i got sicker and wasnt able to go to school or socialize so much anymore and saw that my friends were getting together with guys that made me feel a little jealous and sad. I also wanted a boyfriend. I had had one boyfriend but that lasted about 2 months and was far from serious... It was more having a boyfriend because everyone else was.

Then as i got sicker my thoughts of a relationship disappeared and so did my so called sex drive ;) Not that i had much sex drive as i was so young, but i mean... i had hormones. But those disappeared, which is what happens when your body is undernourished or you are depressed. Your body doesnt produce enough of those hormones, but also i always felt so ugly... i thought if someone was looking at me they were just looking because i was fat.
  I also used to say and think, I would rather exercise than have a boyfriend. I.e exercise was better than a relationship.

Since i recovered all of those thoughts, hormones, feelings and wanting a relationship have come back. But finding a guy you like isnt as easy as A B C. It takes time...

A relationship is about 2 people... two people who connect, want to spend time together. And i think there is where it goes wrong when you have an eating disorder. You can become very self centered and self obsessed. You focus on yourself, your routines and habits. Everything has to suit You. You find it hard to love yourself and so others might find it hard to love you as well as you dont let them love you. You shut your partner out. Relationships in general become strained when you are sick but with a partner it can become more strained. They want to help you, but dont know how. If you are in a new relationship it can be alot harder to last, but it can even take its toll on long lasting relationships. Your partner might feel that they cant cope with your behaviour anymore or cant be there to support you anymore.

When you are sick you are often quite selfish, you think about yourself. But the problem might also be that you do everything for others, and not enough for yourself which can be hard to deal with... if someone is constantly making food for others but never eating themselves. Or always making sure that others are happy but they cant seem to smile themselves.

When you are in recovery however, its ok to be selfish. Then you DO need to put yourself first... realise that recovery will be tough and if someone is keeping you back i.e making you feel bad for gaining weight, or eating the amount you need to or anything liike that... Then get rid of them. But at the same time, having a partner who can support you, motivate you, help you realise the good things in life... thats almost priceless.

When you are sick your sex drive and hormones decreasing making thoughts of sex, relationships, intimacy disappear but they DO come back when you gain weight. When you eat like normal and regularly and your body begins to feel safer and produce the right hormones again. So dont worry about that.

There are both pros and cons to having a relationship while being sick.... your partner can either motivate you, help your recover or they can hold you back. Trigger you or just not be supportive at all.

During my recovery i began wishing i had a boyfriend... i am not much of a cuddl-y person, but i think i just wanted someone to care for me. Show me they loved me. However i now know that i was NOT ready for a boyfriend, no matter what i thought. Becuase when you are in a relationship... things change. You meet and go out to eat or go for coffee, you let go of routines and habits. If you spend the night at your partners place or they stay the night with you then things are different and you have to be ok with all of that which can be very hard when you have an ED and have control issues.
   I think for me right now is the perfect time for a relationship. Im ready for one.... I know i am capable of the changes needed in a relationship... changes which i wouldnt have been able to do before. Its a growing progress..... But of course, with relationships comes a slight bit of anxiety, nerves, butterflies, excitment etc etc
When you are in a relationship you have to remember that there are 2 people... so dont be selfish but dont be completely selfless either!!

What are YOUR thoughts and opinions about relationships or relationships in recovery ? :)


  1. Very well written!! I agree with pretty much everything you said :) I think that having a relationship during an ED can also provoke fear of having to explain to your partner why you can't eat this/why you can't come to this, etc... And create an unhealthy relationship where you are not completely open and honest with the other person... You are also in a constant state of anxiety: will my partner ask me out to a place where I will have to eat this?? And then it will break up my routine of exercise?? (just an example)
    Great idea for the talk-back Tuesday!! :)

    1. Thank you :) And thats true as well, however that can almost be a good thing... that your partner gets you to eat things you might not want to or to make you break your routine/habits!

  2. Hey Izzy, thanks for writing about this topic! This is something I have always wanted to discuss - ED & relationship. Recently I have made a guy and we are sort of in a relationship. I found him really helpful for my own recovery because I am doing this partly for HIM, as I do not want to ruin our relationship, and I want to feel comfortable when he looks at me (I still feel embarrassed about my boney outlook). I think the power of love would be a great weapon to fight against ED the evil!
    J (with love for ya!)

    1. That makes me so happy to hear :) And actually having a relationship/partner can be a great motivation to keep going and keep fighting, though remember you have to wantt o recover for yourself as well!

  3. Great post Izzy..I've been seeing someone for a few months now. At first I was very self-conscious about how I looked as I still have a fair bit of weight to gain) but as time has gone on I've started to not be so dismissive when he compliments me or tells me I'm beautifal.
    I think a relationship in recovery-be it whether your struggles are mostly mental, physical or both is really down to the individual. I think you have to put your needs first, but if the right person who is supportive comes along it can help you push you out of your comfort zone and experiences in a positive way.
    H x