Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Monday, August 4, 2014

Stages of recovery

Just a little sum up of how the typical recovery occurs. Please dont feel offended, this is not supposed to be 100% serious. Remember, there are always exceptions in recovery, but it is called exceptions for a reason. 

”What step did you reach today?”
Level 1 - sick
You are sick, and you dont want to change, and/or dont think you have a problem. Refeeding is in most cases necessary in order to level up from here.
Some stay here until they die. Some stay here for years, other weeks, before eventually leveling up to nr 2. 

Level 2 - to be or not to be
You are sick, but one part of you want to change. Even thought you know just as much as recovery and food as your psychologist, nutritionist and doctor alltogheter, and give tons of advices to others, you come up with reasons why you should wait; you dont know xx, you can not do xx without xx etc. You are afraid you’ll spend the rest of your life with an eating disorder, but the thought of recovery is just as scary. 
Some stay here until they die. Some stay here for years, other weeks, before eventually leveling up to nr 3.

Level 3 - recovery begins
You increase your intake gradually. 
You gain a lot of weight really fast despite eating little. 
You are 100% sure you are different from every person who has been in recovery, and that your metabolism is broken, that all you gain is body fat and not water weight/food in your system, you are doomed to eat little for the rest of your life and that you will keep on gaining x kg weekly forever.This whole eating thing feels weird, scary, safe, disgusting, amazing; everything at once. You go from crying about feeling like an obese whale, to feeling motivated and energic. You may feel unpleasant physical symptoms such as edema, nausea, stomach ace, fatigue, headache - just discomfort and pain in general.
People dont stay here for long. Some people gets scared by whats happens, and level down to level 2 - relapse. Others keeps on going.
Level 4 - extreme hunger
The weight gain has slowed down somewhat. Your moods are still up and down. Sometimes you feel sad and fat, other times normal or even good. Sometimes you miss being sick, other times you feel like you have seen the recovery light, and mood and energy levels are sky high. The unpleasant physical symptoms from level 3 may occur. Some people smoothly levels up to level 5, but a majority experience EDs biggest fear; extreme hunger.
Not long ago you had troubles eating and keeping down 2000 calories daily. Now you are so hungry that you could eat your whole fridge. And you eat. A lot. This terrifies you. You are convinced you have destroyed your hunger/fullness signals forever, that you will become an obese, emotional binge eater. 
Some people accepts this hunger, eventually gives in and dont restrict, purge and/or overexercise. 
You think you will end up in Level 1 or 2 with an other eating disorder; binge eating disorder, but in reality you level up to level 5.
The sad thing is that at this point a lot of people end up in level 1 og 2 with an other eating disorder; bulimia. The extreme hunger gets to scary, and they turn to purging, overexercise or restriction. Sometimes people get weight restored despite using these compensary techniques, but mental recovery? Nah. They have just replaced anorexia with another eating disorder. They wrongly think the problem is the binges, not restriction, purging and/or overexercise.

Level 5 - recovered but not recovered
Extreme hunger is not as strong anymore, but it may occur now and then. The weight gain has slowed down, but you are still not recovered mentally and/or physically. 
If you were very underweight when you started recovery, you may have reached a not severely low bmi. You are obviously still very thin, but you think that is ok because (*insert invalid reason that often includes skinny family member and/or that you were skinny before puberty, like most people were). You convince yourself your set point is low, but the thought of letting your body decide that freaks you out. Some people may also be weight restored here, but not recovered.
You still have some disordered behaviours such as for example calorie counting in order to maintain your weight, obsessions with food, calories, weight and body, weighing yourself, end up spending a lot of time reading about health, body, nutrition, cooking etc, exercise to feel better about eating or to maintain your weight (even though you tell yourself it is because it makes you feel good), food rules and so on. You may have troubles ‘letting go’ of the obsession with being the thin one (if you are), and feel like your life is a bit pointless without ANY food/body/health focus.
Some people realised they are not recovered, and level up to level 6. Others skip level 6, and go straight to level 7.
Level 6 - what now
Level 6 is just a pit stop where a lot of people consider to unconsciously end up in level 1 or 2, with a new but physically less dangerous eating disorder. Examples of these are;
- You see the raw vegan/paleo/low carb/fruitarian/gluten free diet/(any other diet with food rules) light. You end up spending hours obsessing and reading about food. You have found the holy truth, and your new diet have saved you from an eating disorder. 
- You see the fitness light, and start a fitness journey where you still spend hours obsessing about body, exercise and food, just in a different and more socially accepted way. Some people will go as far as becoming professional fitness athletes - EDs wet dream. That means that starvation, orthorexia, exercise and zero body fat is ok, because there are some muscles underneath that skin.
- You get (or keeps) orthorexia or any other food obsession, where you obsess about always eating clean, and often weird food. You spend a lot of time cooking, and rarely eat the same as those around you. The weekly highlight is to go to the post office to get your package from with all kinds of weird organic jabagdalawananana nut butters, zero calorie sauces and sugar free bubble gum that tastes like candy. You tell yourself that you have a healthy relationship with food and health because you are brave enough to have some pieces of chocolate now and then.
- Any other lifestyle choice that has do to with food control. You may combine level 6 with level 5, for instance becoming a thin, ‘healthy’ and calorie counting vegan who runs to maintain his or hers weight.

Level 7 - end of recovery
You feel more comfortable eating foods that used to scare the shit of you. You may get weight restored here, and have accepted that this does not mean balancing on the line between normal- and underweight. If you count calories, it is to make sure you eat enough to gain those last kgs. Sometimes your eating disorder dominates your thoughts, but this mostly does not affect your behaviors. You keep on going, keep on challenging yourself, until you reach level 8.
Level 8 - fully recovered
High five! Food does not dominate your thoughts. You dont have food rules. You dont do things to ‘maintain’ your weight, such as exercise or calorie counting. You can go out to eat with your friends. You dont obsess about your weight. You eat regularly. 
Yes, ED may scream during your bad days, but the real you screams louder, always.

Text source:
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  1. really helpful and encouraging thanks x

  2. interesting. i haven't experienced extreme hunger yet. :(