Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Sunday, August 31, 2014

Sickness to fitness

I am sure many of my readers are aware of the fitness trend on social media. And most probably are following a few fitness account on either IG or tumblr or elsewhere..... and i am not going to deny that im not part of that fitness trend. Because i am....However, would i consider myself fitness obsessed? No i wouldnt.
    But also something i want to clarify is that i recovered from my eating disorder -> Both physically and mentally before i began exercising more again. My diet has changed with the years... during my recovery i came into a phase where i drank alot of alcohol and ate chocolate or cakes 6 days a week. And i didnt feel well mentally or physically. I didnt get anxiety for it, but i developed a sugar addiction (and a diet coke addiction) but i decided i wasnt treating my body fair. Going from restriction, harming myself, purging etc to then eating too much (in my opinion) sugar and chemicals so then i began focusing more on whole foods and from there my diet has just become more balanced. A balance that works for ME. It might not work for others, but for me it works and thats the most important.

One thing which i want to bring up though is that many who are recovering from an eating disorder start exercising too early, cut down on carbs or start following a vegan diet or paleo or some other diet. They begin strength training just because everyone else is, they want to shape their body. Continuously trying to change their body, see some form of change and progress. And  im not saying anything is wrong with that, because sure... seeing progress is fun.
  But if im honest Seeing and FEELING progress that im stronger, that i can run longer, that i can run faster that is MUCH MORE rewarding than seeing some quad definition. Has my thinking always been this way, of course not. But when i realised that exercising to change my body WASNT bringing me happiness, but exercising and working out what i love. Doing things that make me happy, that made ME happy. But also loving my body for the way it looked... That is more important than trying to change your body.

One thing which i pretty much ALWAYS tell my readers or people looking to me for advice is to FIND SELF LOVE. You wont find happiness when all you are trying to do is change your body. You can spend hours at the gym, lifting weights or running until you collapse, so focused on trying to change yourself. Trying to see abs, trying to have visible abs.... but happiness wont come from that.
    I wrote THIS post which is one of my top posts and got alot of responses and views. I had abs, visible abs did it make me happy? Not really... because i never saw that... i just kept wanting to change. Wanting to see more definition, putting my happiness in the way my body looked ISNT happiness. Because your body bloats, holds onto water etc and you cant always control that (and if you do, then its not a healthy mindset or behaviour). And if you feel sad everytime you will bloat, trust me... you will spend 50% of your life sad.

Exercising is healthy, its something i do reccommend people. But exercising for the RIGHT reason. Not just to try to change yourself.
  Its great to have goals, to want to run 5km in 20 minutes or want to be able to squat 80kg or be able to cycle 30km etc etc or whatever goals you have, thats great. But having goals like having visible 6 pack? You wont feel happy even when you reach that goal.

Many recovering think that if they just eat extra chicken, some sweet potatoe, drink protein shakes and lift weights they are healthy? They let muscle gain be their weight gain but still have a too low fat procent. They hate their stomachs and their legs, they feel sad when a workout hasnt gone the way it should. They never treat themselves or their treat is 80% dark chocolate.
    Going from one restrictive behaviour and controlling food to  another controlling behaviour and food obsession isnt healthy. You arent healthy going from one obsession to another.

Now you might read this and think, Amnt i just being hypocritcal?
   You CAN like and do exercise after recovery, that is ok.... i mean thats what i do. And no you dont always have to eat cake 5 times a week after recovery. After recovery, when you are physically and mentally healthy you can make your own choices.
  But when you are in recovery its not going to help if you begin exercising too early or think you are being super healthy by never eating bread and only eating whole grain pasta etc etc

People think they have to look a certain way to be fitness, but the fact is... what is fitness? Fitness is health. Fitness is exercising and eating healthy for YOU. Fitness is NOT a body type!!!!!



  1. I am glad that you do fitness for 'you' and not because you feel the pressure to like I believe a lot of society does. It's funny as I was not sporty AT ALL during school and when I was young (I like to dance and act, but that's about it), and even through my ED's (except my relapse at the start of the year) I didn't exercise at all. I didn't even go for walks! (I was very depressed and so had very little energy). But then last year I discovered the gym and fell in love, and watching myself get stronger was amazing. I remember the first time I ran 30mins without stopping - I think I cried!
    When I had to stop exercising I thought my body would just turn to jelly, but in fact, I actually can still see ab definition and my muscles are still there. And now I am slowly returning to the gym this is getting even better! (although I am SO much sorer than I used to be! ): ).
    But since I started exercising again, I feel like I am constantly hungry! It's scary, but I am just letting myself eat and hoping for the best!

    1. The feeling of getting stronger and seeing progress is great :) I think many people develop that fear, thats why they develop exercise addictions because they think if they dont exercise for one day all progress will be lost. Which is silly because progress doesnt happen over night, so why would you lose all progress over night :)
      Whenever i take rest weeks or a few days of rest i always come back feeling stronger and more 'defined' ;) Its strange that.
      And its good that you are eating what your body needs, you are most probably burning more than you think now when you exercise. And your body needs lots more energy to recover and repair itsself!!! Eating more will lead to you seeing progress, so dont be scared of that :)

  2. But you do have abs izzy!

    1. Everyone has abs... and yes, now they are a bit more visible. But that is not my aim with exercising... i dont care whether they are visible or not, and most of the time they arent. In those few pictures i post where they are visible thats just good lighting ;) Having visible abs doesnt mean that someone is unhealthy, however having an obsesion with having visible abs is unhealthy. That is not an obsession of mine.