Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Sunday, August 10, 2014

Recovered people VS. normal people (?)

Something which ive noticed and even been told while i was in recovery is that people who recover from an eating disorder are often more healthy than other people. Both physical and mental health. Usually when you recover from an eating disorder - actually recover, not any of that half healthy bullshit that many try to pull off. But when you dont get anxiety over any types of food, dont care about calories. Can listen to your body, live a life you love. Deal with the ups and downs of life without having to resort to ED behaviours. That is often healthier than normal people.
  Because the truth is, normal people do care and get caught up in all the latest diets. They count calories, follow the latest diet and can have body hate and even feel guilty over food. This is almost the normal, to some extent that people dont even react towards it even more. Its like girls almost have to feel bad about themselves and their body.... if a girl is confident and doesnt hate her body or herself she is made to seem cocky or egoistic. (??!)
I find that i am healthier in many ways, physicaly and mental than some of my friends. I love my body the way it is, i dont feel i need to change. I dont panic about the stretch marks or cellulite on my body. I dont care so much (though a little of course ;)) about when im bloated. Exercise is not something i do to compensate, i dont feel guilty if i dont exercise. I dont feel guilty for eating junk food and i dont have to tell myself to not eat it. I dont skip cookies or cakes because of anxiety... i eat them if i want it, i dont eat it if i dont want it. There is not much more to that. But many people - especially teenage girls and women have this constant battle over whether they should eat that cookie or not. They feel guilty for eating dessert... there is a battle with the scale. They dont like their body, they feel the need to change their body. (though of course, not everyone is like this. This is a generalization!!!) But after you have recovered from an eating disorder, you have had your years of self hate and now you are ready to love yourself. And you love your body for how it looks, for what you can do with your body and should feel little to no need to change your body.

Also when it comes to food and portion sizes. Ive written about this before but many actually eat alot less than they can... they think they have to eat miniscule amount to keep their weight. And yes, some might have to do that. But many have been eating so little for so long that they dont even know a normal portion anymore, but they dont have an eating disorder or disordered eating. Its just that they have lost their hunger signals.
   You might find that after you recover you have more healthy eating habits than your friends. You eat your 5-6 meals per day and eat quite regularly where a friend might not eat breakfast then eat a small lunch, eat some chocolate for a snack. A huge dinner and then crisps for a night snack or nothing at all.....I personally find that very strange. I couldnt go without a minimum of 4 meals per day.And i always need my fruit and veggies, otherwise i feel something is missing. I am also very intune with my body... i know when something is wrong. When i need to change something, whether its to rest more or to eat more salt or eat less of something or more of something. Whether i need to eat more etc I know how my body works and i know how to take care of my body... this is something many dont know and many wont ever know as they dont really take care of their body. Many drink too much, smoke,  never exercise, eat lots of junk food etc they dont take care of their body.
    But often when you recover and learn how your body behaves and learn to listen to your signals you feel happier in your body and healthier mentally.

You know how to cope with stress, which is something which many dont know how to cope with either. You have good techniques and coping methods for anxiety, stress, panic etc

I feel this post is getting a little dragged out, and i dont know what else to write... (thats the downfall of having loads of noise around me when im writing, i seem to lose my focus!!!)

But basically, after all the months or years you've been sick you come out healthier than normal people. You have more balance in your life. You know how to cope, how to love your body, how to eat without anxiety and how to live a happy and healthy life. But also, you might do more with you're life and be more thankful for life and the small things because you know how it is to live without them.
  Example, every morning or every time i go for a walk i truly enjoy it because i know the times when i wasnt allowed to even go outside. And also the times when i forced myself out everyday when i hated it. So now when i choose to walk becuase i love it, i love every moment of it. Just like when i look in the mirror i can 85% of the time love how i look and not feel the need to change!!!
  So not everything is bad :) You do grow, become stronger and learn from all your past mistakes!!!'


  1. One of the first arguments in the beginning of my recovery was that "no one eats this much!", when they told that the meal that they were bringing to me was just the normal, average amount of food you're supposed to have. Even now that I think I can call myself pretty much entirely recovered, I see that my statement had a great point. During recovery I helplessly checked the amounts of food other girls had at school, and well, they always were nearly half the portion in had. And in warm meals, I still eat that same amount that I did back then (without gaining anymore), and this is still relevant. Million times I have wondered if my body just magically breathes out a third of the energy that I consume, but after all I'm quite sure they might just have made their bodies cope with that amount of energy, or then they just regularly fill it up with loads of treats. I don't know, but then again, I don't really care more than that either. I'm glad to eat all the lovely food that I eat and if some others can't have that, then it's their loss - more food for me ♥ If they manage and don't get anxiety (= have an ed), then ok.

    I'm glad someone shares this thought with me! Obviously there's no one that I could chat about this with.

    And yes, it sometimes gives me huge thankfulness to be able to witness the living outdoor world and that I guess I didn't even get permanent organ problems! It's a wonderful life :---)

    1. I had the same thoughts in recovery, and i think most people do. Because like i said normal eating to other people isnt always eating 5-6 meals per day... that is something you learn in recovery.But its one of the habuits i think should stay even after recovery, though listening to your body is also key!
      And exactly, instead of comparing... just enjoy that you can eat more food!!! :)

  2. I had that same argument when my nutritionist told me what a normal meal was! Definitely would get frustrated when people who didn't have eds skipped breakfast or just had small lunches, because it kind of helped along my "people don't eat that much" argument. But that's just one of those things that I've had to learn to get over. You don't know how people are compensating for a lack of calories when they're not at school/work. And at least you get to know that you're getting the energy that you need.

    Also, Izzy-how do you feel about walking as a form of exercise? It's the only thing I do, just because I'm not super into running/gyms, but is there a way to make it a better work out even though it's not normally considered as a traditional work out?

    1. Exactly, you might see that someone eats a small lunch but you dont know what they eat later or before. All you should do is focus on yourself and what your body needs!!

      I think walking is a great exercise form. I just walk because i enjoy it .- not because of exercise. But you can make it more powerwalking - i usually walk at 7/8km hr so i walk fast. And this gets the heartbeat racing and sweat pouring = great exercise form. You can also try doing intervals or even 1km you stop and do some burpees, squats, lunges etc :)

  3. Thank you so much for posting this and answering all my confused thoughts! This was perfect and it shows the reality of things. You can't always sugar coat things, because a lot in recovery is daunting and not all normal people are perfectly content with their body, but then there are some that are and those are the people that are happier. So thanks again <3 xx

  4. hey izzy how did you finnally motivate yourself to fully recover and how did you feel gaining the last few kgs?Ive gained a few from my lowest weight but Im sort of half recovered.Like I dont feel weak but I still get so cold and have disordered thoughts.Yesterday I ate 200g of chocolate and lots of fruits then I felt guilty.I love reading your blog though as it reminds me that its not a bad thing to eat chocolate and you LOOK AMAZING.never stop blogging haha XD

    1. Thank you.
      Gaining the last few kilos was tough because i was in a half recovered stage, where i felt sort of healthy and tried to convince myself that i was fully healthy but i knew i wasnt. Because my ED was keeping me back from truly living. I couldnt travel, change my routine, spend time with friends or eat like normal. I still had so many rules about everything.. i wasnt happy and i knew there was more to life. I wasnt living life the way i wanted so i tried to change that.
      I realised that i HAD TO gain weight, i couldnt compromise with my ED. If i wanted to be healthy i also had to gain the weight. So i began truly fighting all my ED thoughts. Eating my fear foods and forming a more relaxed thinking around food. And that is what made me the person i am today... i foght against ALL the thoughts. You cant hold onto ED habits or routines, you need to take a leap of faith and fight against all of those things and thoughts.
      Realise that there is more to life than the way you are living now.

      And chocolate is yummmy :)