Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Sunday, August 3, 2014

Nothing is unhealthy in recovery

Something which i personally think is that eating less healthy food is far better than not eating at all. If you eat the 'less healthy food' several times a day, everyday and eat an excess of it then no, that might not be healthy in the long run. But you have to realise tghat in recovery, you and your body is not like everyone else. Others might have to think more about how often they eat chocolate whilst in recovery you can know that you can eat it several times a week and thats ok. I mean i still eat chocolate (milk or dark) 3-5 times a week because i love it!
   You DONT and SHOULDNT follow all the diet rules out there. Of course an excess of anything isnt good, no matter when. But whilst normal people who are at a healthy weight or on the higher weight need to be more conscious of some food, you in recovery who needs to gain weight you DONT need to be.

What i find is that, i would rather eat a pizza - which i dont like than to skip dinner because there is nothing i like. If i am at a friends house or out all day or on holiday and know i need to eat something but if there isnt something which i like or say they are just loads of unhealthier (not meant to be triggering!) food. I would rather eat that than just skip food because there is nothing say i personally want to eat.
  Eating lesss healthier food now and again is fine for everyone. But in recovery, you do need to eat it more often. Mainly to face your fears... to be able to eat all types of food with no anxiety involved. You might eat cake 5 times a week and thats OK!! Dont panic or feel guilty about that. When i was recovering, and actually deciding and fighting to gain wieght and recover i ate chocolate covered nuts and trail mix 3-5 times a week because i liked that and prefered to eat it instead of yoghurt. And also i went out to eat cake or buns to face my fears... to get rid of the anxiety involved with pasteries. Summer 2011 when i was trying to recover and face my fears and fear foods i think i ate some form of 'junk food' 3-5 times a week. And that didnt make me fat... i didnt even gain weight every week even if i ate those things.

^^This was one of the first times i went out for a bun with my mum and the anxiety involved was on top notch... i love how the spoon is pointing at me... i was so unwilling to eat there that the spoon was facing the wrong way. hahaha

Dont compare yourself to others because while in recovery you arent like others. You need a higher energy intake and a lower activity amount. You need to eat more than others and do less than others... but realise that this is just a period of your life. You need to focus on YOUR goals. And fight each and every day. If some people trgger you, stay away from them for now. Just know that soon you will be able to have the freedom of how much you eat and when. Be able to choose what foods you eat.

So for now, if you crave that cookie eat 1... Hell, eat 5. Eat ice cream as well :) Now of course if it becomes binging on these types of food, then you can cut back a little... but you want to get rid of anxiety involved with certain foods. Be able to eat all types of food and know its ok to go out for McDonalds once in a while or grab a frappichino when out in town or eat a few cookies followed by chocolate cake at a friends house even when you are at a healthy weight.

What i thought when i was in recovery was that, ill eat junk food now because i wont be able to eat it and still keep my weight when im healthy. I didnt think it was possible to eat ice cream 2 times a week and chocolate covered nuts 3 times a weeek and still keep my weight.... if i eat it in moderation of course i can still keep my weight. I could eat half an ice cream pot everyday if i wanted and still keep my weight.
  But when you are at a healthyweight its more important to find balance ofa ll types of food... because even if you can eat 10 cookies everyday doesnt mean that you should. However, when you are in recovery... its a different story!!!

I ate pizza several times before i realised that pizza just isnt my thing, sure i can eat it. But now i have the freedom and choice to not eat it.
But i also have the freedom and choice to eat a whole Ben and Jerrys when i have the money to buy one :) :)

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