Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Irrational fears

Something i was thinking about today when i was doing a little mini spa session and was using a scrub made of sugar and oil. Just the thought of that before, having to put 2 of my worst fears - sugar and oil - anywhere near my face or mouth would have sent me into a panic attack. And it did... my mum had made a similiar scrub before while i was sick and told me it would be good for my skin (i had awful hair and skin when i was sick... not enough nourishment or minerals.) and i started panicking, just thinking about it.
  But now it was like.... ok, so what. So what if its near my mouth or i end up swallowing any of it?

While i was sick i had the irrational fear that food molecules would seep through my pores and into me and make me fat... i would literally run by food stalls. I couldnt stand being around places where it smelled of food because i thought it would make me fat. I even had a period where i couldnt be around others eating and i couldnt bake or make food as i thought some sort of food molecules in the air would get into me.... though that didnt last long. Because i was someone who spent hours looking at recipes and constantly baked when i could and made food for others. I took pleasure in making food for others and seeing them eat, while i wouldnt let myself eat any of it.

Let me just start off by saying If food molecules or the smell of food made people fat - we would ALL be overweight. Because really... it smells of food everywhere.... but also, there arent calories in the smell of food and it doesnt seep in through your skin either. Unless you digest the food i.e swallow it and keep it down, then no calories or energy are getting into you. The smell of food WONT make you fat, that is just a silly fear. Though it might not seem so silly when you are dealing with those types of fears.
  They were very strong fears and they did NOT seem silly at the time to me... even if i knew that it might not be true, i still couldnt convince myself otherwise.

But i am here to bust these thoughts and remind you - that if you are struggling with these types of irrational fears. That they arent true. You have to know that unless you swallow the food, you arent getting the calories. But also, calories arnet something to be scared of. They are energy.... There are different forms of calories - protein, carbs, fat. and they all have different roles to play in the body, to help your body function properly and nothing to be scared of. They are NEEDED just like oxygen is needed. You cant live without air and you cant live without food... not for long anyway.

You need to fight all your fears and try to think rationally and like most other people!!! What you can do to fight fears is to write all your fears down on paper and go through the list... think rationally.

Will the smell of food really make me fat? yes or not?

And any other fears you have such as pizza will make me fat. Eating sugar will make me fat. eating 6 times a day will make me gain weight etc etc

This can help you to think properly and fight the fears!!!! Keep fighting, dont let these thoughts take your life away from you.


  1. When I first started dating my now husband, I didn't want to kiss him because I was scared that calories from his food would end up in me. Now I realize how ridiculous and irrational that is.

    1. Oh my gosh me too!! My boyfriend helped me face so many fears I had. I learned to eat in front of people again with him, I faced my fear of kissing him, and I learned that I was beautiful. He never let me forget it :). Good for you for facing a fear!! You are so strong :)