Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Thursday, August 7, 2014

Good news and bad news

Today at the CF clinic i got the results of all the tests i did a few weeks ago. And generally everything looked good. ... Some of my vitamin levels were better than average.  And the same with my bone density and physical level. However there were signs that my lungs are getting worse. .. that they are getting more clogged up. And it is also something i feel.... like with running. It's not my legs that stop me, it's the fact that i feel like I will start hyperventilating because I can't get enough oxygen in. And this scares me.... I'm not that old, but my lungs are already starting to worsen. Only a small amount I'm not going to be a drama queen. But the doctor made it clear that even if it's just gotten a little worse it is a serious matter. ... because if it keeps getting worse and my lungs get more and more clogged for each year, then it won't be lung until I would need a lung transplant or can't breathe properly at all.
   I do my CF treatment and it feels like in general my CF doesn't stop me from living. And that's why it's scares me even more, to realise that I'm not like everyone else. That even If you can't see it... everyday If suffer from a life threatening illness. That it needs constant care.... that i can't ever skip medicine, skip doing my treatment. This was the exact feelings I had when I was 12 years old and realised I would be lucky to live until I'm 40 years old. I feel like the shock of knowing my lungs have gotten worse does really affect me. ... because what more can I do that i amnt already? Though I guess even more intense treatment. But at the same time,  it feels like I have this dark rain cloud over my head.... All these thoughts. But in a while I'm going to meet a psychologist. .. maybe I will feel like talking about this? As it's something not alot of people would understand.
    Just like with all hospital appointments, they always make me super tired.  So i just want to go home and I'm hoping soon to be able to buy some Ben and Jerrys ice cream ;) Yes... i do use food to treat myself!!! :)

4 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear the bad news about your lungs. Even though your illness may not be something you can control, everything else you do is. How you react to the news and how you decide to live you life is still up to you. From the posts you write, and knowing that you have gone through the hardships of anorexia to get to where you are now is proof that you are strong both physically and mentally. Though it may still be hard at time, try and stay positive. Take each day as it comes, do what you enjoy and what make you happy.

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  2. I'm sorry, that must be scary. It's frustrating to do all the right things and still not be able to control something. I hope you're proud of your higher-than-average scores, though, because that sounds like a sign that you ARE making a difference in your health where you can.

    If you don't mind my asking - does lung function usually fluctuate? Is there a possibility that yours will improve again, or is the change not reversible? You don't have to answer if you'd rather not. :)

    I hope you're feeling better emotionally now, but it's okay to not feel okay too.

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  3. I am sorry about the not so good news. It must be scary. But right now you are doing everything you can to stay healthy, physically and mentally. You are such a great person, have helped a lot of people and have so much ahead of you. Some people call this 'got your sh*it together' haha! Try not to worry. Just continue doing what you love and enjoy. Ben&Jerry's sounds good :)
    Sending you a BIG hug! ;)
    Olivia

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