Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Friday, August 22, 2014

Diary Entry

  Inpatients - Mando.

Will things ever get better? I can't see myself as 'Healthy'. But that might be because i see myself as 'healthy' now.
  I feel i have the energy to do the stuff i want to.
 But im so scared, i feel so small.
Theres a whole big world out there, but even though i want to, i dont think im ready to jump into it.
 But it feels like Mando is holding me back anyway.
 They're not letting me go, holding me back, while im struggling forwards.
 But then, all of a sudden it will be them pushing me forward. They'll be the ontes to shove me out into the big world, and thats when ill try to go backwards.
   Im not readu for the big world.
  I feel so small, invisible.
   How many doors have closed in my face? How many times have sliding doors nearly closed on me?
Im invisible, people dont see me, they walk into me. Im small and invisible. I dont like this feeling.
  The world is too big for me. I dont like the crowds od people, they way they look at me.

I dont want to live in the big world, i dont want to be forced to live my life. It would bea  fake life.
  I have energy, but i dont want to go into town. I dont want to be on the tube. People walk into me, they push me to the corner, making me fall over. Doors close on me.
   I hate all the people, i get so much anxiety. I cant even eat in public . It feels like im invisble, but at the same time everyone is staring at me.
  Staring at my body? What do they see? a fat girl, a girl who should lose weight? do they see my scars? what do they think?
   i want to hide. Hide from the world. I dont want to live my life, but i dont want to be at Mando for the rest of my life.
   I dont want a life. Not if its like this. I dont know where i want to be, what i want to do...

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