Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Saturday, August 2, 2014

Cloudy beach day

Today my plans were slightly undecided... i had alot of plans to choose from. 1) spend the day at home 2) go to the Pride festival/parade with friends (and walk in the parade) or 3) go with my other friend, 4) go to the festival i am volunteering at or 5) go out to the beach with my family....
  I felt very undecided, but then i felt that i didnt really want to be in town. I didnt want to be surrounded with loads of people and i knew that if i was at home i would just feel bored and most probably eat the contents of the frdieg. So i followed with my family out to the beach.
  However when we got there it was super cloudy so not much sunshine, but all 3 (my mum, sister and step dad) all swam!! I was surprised ;) I just sat and watched!!!

After that it was fruit and chocolate and coffee and i managed to drink a liter pepsi Max... heh hehe ;) And we also played word games and different challenges... also, I have the best memory!!! We played the food shopping list game (when you have to remember what the previous people said and keep adding words!) :) I've always known i have good memory though!! Clapping games with my sister, lots of talking and laughing as well :)
  So even if the sun wasnt shining and it was slightly cold it felt fun to be out there. Spending time with my family, it was much needed :) There were even a few photos taken!! (below!)

How have you spent your day? :)

I took photos of my sister and rest of my family but they dont want tthose types of pictures posted so just loads of me... hahaha I make it seem like i have 101 photos of myself... which i do, but i also have 101 of my family as well! (and like 500 of my dog :))


  1. Hi! I was just felt like sharing my thoughts with someone... I'll try to keep it short allthough I have SO many thoughts right now. I ate too little and exercised a little, but because my fat percent was a little low, I looked quite fit. I ate way too much fiber, a healthy amount of fat, moderate/high protein, but not enough carbs. I ate only 200 grams or so. I didn't pay attention to my macros, but I ate healthy foods - bread, milk, nuts and seeds, vegetables, avocado, quinoa, chickpeas, oats, cottage cheese, salmon, tuna, chicken etc etc. I am 173 cm, and one day I weighed myself and the scale read 52,8 kg. My goal weight after recovering from anorexia was 55 kg! I panicked and started eating alot more food without really paying any attention to my macros, just more of everything. And I got up to 56 kg and was happy with how I looked, but I had some digesting trouble because of all the fiber I ate and all the fats made it take really long to digest all the food, since fat slows down the digesting prosses. So I went through everything I ate and it was around 3600 calories or so, sometimes 2500, 3000, not the same every day. I also had some trouble with my period missing, but once I started eating a lot more, it came back after two weeks. I stumbled over a hormone called "leptin" on internet, and that I most likely had low levels of that hormone when I ate less, and that could be the cause of my missing period, and that I only had to eat more carbs. Some weeks later I weighed my self again and the scale read 58,9 kg! I first laughed out loud, but then I started to worry a bit. It was like my body wanted me to be upset about gaining that much, and mostly fat, but I felt care free. That's a good thing, but soon I felt like I had gained enough weight. When I ate less, I had energy to exercise, but now I was so bloated and full and my skin started breaking out. I had gained a lot of weight really fast (in less than a month!) and I discovered that I had gotten a lot of cellulite on my but and front and back thighs. I started crying because all I wanted to do, was the right and healthiest thing. But now I've only made it worse. I wished so badly that I had only increased my carbs and gained some weight slowly. I am bigger than my friends that I used to be smaller than, I still have som muscle in my arms and stomach and I love how it looks when I flexs. But I feel really uncomfertable in my body. I am not this big naturally! I started making a meal plan with the right amount of fats and carbs and protein, with a decent amount of calories (2500). But I am a bit of a perfectionist so I can't make the meal plan "perfect" and I end up just going back and forth fixing small details... I get so much anxiety because of this! I "have to" make the meal plan perfect, but I can't decide how much of what I want to eat and I don't know how much calories I should really be aiming for. And I want to eat a lot of carbs because I love to exercise, but then again I want to eat a lot of healthy fats and because of that I end up with double the recomended amount of fats I need. I am freaking out because I know these thaughts are not healthy, but I just want to have a body full of energy that can run and strength train and be happy. The cause of all this maniac thinking and overanalyzing may be that I am exercising a lot less at the moment. I have inflamation in my hip and should be careful walking, running, cycling etc. And exercise is what keeps negative thoughts and anxiety away. I love to exercise. Okay, so I guess I didn't manage to keep this as short as I wanted to. Hope you don't mind :) Can you please give me some advice? This is so dificult to talk about with other people :/

  2. Hey girl. I understand your pain. I suffered with this as well. You need to start loving your body for what it is no matter what. You need to learn to eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full. There is no such thing as too much healthy fat. Stop counting and weighing. Everything will turn out right in the end.