This day 2 years ago i sat in a room with my case manager, the doctor and another staff member adn they asked me lots of questions, how i was feeling, what my thoughts were. Did i have anxiety over food, my body, training.... everything looked good and i got declared healthy and then began my follow up treatment. Which continued in 5 years (i.e 3 years left) and now i only go once a year.
Its been 2 years that ive been healthy and i have completely moved on from the person i was when i had an eating disorder. I can no longer relate to the girl i was before. Now it is no longer a question of whether i should eat or not, now its a question of what do i want to eat.
I live my life... the life which i so long fought for. Living my life, having friends, going to school, having a boyfriend, That was my motivation, that was what i fought for. And now i have it... (Infact my whole body is tingling when i write this and i have a huge smile on my face.) I got the life which i wanted... all my hard work has paid off!!! The days, weeks, months filled with anxiety, panic, guilt.... fighting against the voice in my head. Doing things which scared me. Fighting against all the negative thoughts, It was worth it!!!!
Never ever would i go back to the cold, tired, sick girl i was back then. I love my body now, i would never want to go back to 40kg... that was NOT me. I wasnt happy, i didnt feel pretty, i didnt even feel skinny... the one thing which i so long wanted to feel. I just felt fat and had so much self hate.
These past 2 years, i have grown so much as a person. I have changed so much from the girl i was that day when i was declared healthy. Since then i have gotten even better at trusting my body, eating all types of food with no guilt. No over thinking of my food or food intake. Exercise because i enjoy it... making choices which benefit me. Doing things i enjoy. I also challenge my fears and anxieties whether its social anxiety, fear of bridges or other things. I step outside of my comfort zone to keep challenging myself.
I keep growing as a person and just become happier and happier. I experience new things, new adventures.....
If i had given up, if i had relapsed i would not have gone to the school i go to now - i would most probably have gone a distance school. I wouldnt have the friends i have now. I wouldnt have gone to Disney land Paris, i wouldnt have visited New York. I wouldnt be who i am now..... I would be in a completely different situation now.
Not everyday is great, i did fall into a depression again at the end of 2012 due to school, stress and friends but since then ive been positive and havent fallen into any depression again!!!
Instead of writing a huge long text (which i pretty much already have!) i am just going to post loads of photos from the past 2 years, to show my life the past 2 years and how i have grown and changed!!!! (Beware - ALOT of photos... i went through everyday for the past 2 years, and i just had so many photos!)