Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Friday, July 25, 2014

Some thoughts

As i mentioned this morning today i was going to look at an apartment with my family which we are thinking about moving to.

I was open going there... thinking, no negative thoughts. Be open for change. However, dissappointment overcame me (though i tried to keep it from my face).
   The area where the apartment is is far from school and town. Theres not much of a forest or walking place either, just sort of many apartment buildings. The apartment was bigger than the one we have now, though it felt smaller, the bedrooms were definitely smaller than what we have here (though there were 3 bedrooms, not 2).
   Walking around in the apartment, i just had all these feelings overcome me. I dont want to move. And having to move there gives me fear, panic and anxiety. Its like this bubble in my stomach, my apetite gone completly. All i can think about is that we could be moving there and i just dont want to. My mum can tell that i dont want to move there, that it wasnt the place for me... but i dont think shes taking that into consideration.
   
Changes can be good, but i feel this isnt a change i am willing to make. My sister wasnt happy either... both of us like living close to town. I have early and long school days, if i were to begin at 8am and finish at 4pm (which is most of my school days) i would have to leave at 6.30am and wouldnt come home until maybe 6pm, and if i were to workout aftre school - most likely, i wouldnt come home until even later.
  The reason i can make my school life, personal life, online life and my workouts work is because i live so close to everything. I can walk to school or the gym (20 minutes). And c.a 10-15 minutes with the bus. Meaning that i have more time for study as i dont need to spend 2+ hours on public transport to and from places. This makes it easier for me to workout often during school time.
   
I like knowing i live close to town but also that when i feel i need a break i can go for a walk and there are lots of different routes, anything from 2km to 20km i can just walk and get away. And that makes me feel happy, being close to nature but also close to town.¨

I have so many mixed feelings and i dont even know what to think or what to do with myself anymore. I dont have much say in this decision, but i am starting to feel panic and thinking that i better start signing myself up on apartment lists soon if i want to move out. Maybe this is the kick in the butt i need to start doing these things on my to-do list such as applying for loans and apartment looking, im old enough for it now.



Im sorry for the negative post, but my blog is still my outlet for these types of thoughts and feelings.

11 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Sorry, I have deleted my comment. So how does this "apartment-list" work in Sweden?
    I am working now and earn enough money to rent a room, and I am an adult now, but still fighting with anorexia and so my parents don' think it would be a good idea for me to move. And to some extent they are right, because so far my weight has always gone down when I was left on my own. What's you opinion about this. Izzy? Do you think it's better to reach my goal weight and then move?! Maybe my family thinks that if they cannot keep their eyes on me I'll relapse.

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    1. Getting an apartment in Stockholm is very hard, the rest of sweden not as hard. But in the capital people wait years until they get an apartment :( So its alot of searching, wishing and hoping. And having good contacts is important as well, that helps!

      I think that you should feel healthier until you move out... i know it can be nice to have your own pllace, especally for your ED. But that wont make you healthier... right now you need someone watching you. Supporting you and making sure you fight the voice in your head. If you are on your own, would you eat your meals and do what you should? Right now, dont listen to the voice in your head but listen to the truth... If you feel you could cope, then go for it. But i think you should wait until you can begin following your meal plan properly with little to no anxiety, gained more wieght and you feel that you can begin living life more and have more responsibility and know you can take care of yourself :)
      So think about the pros and cons!

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    2. But it can also be a motivator and incentive for you to keep fighting and gain weight and fight for healthy so that you can have your own place :) Maybe set that up as a goal for yourself!

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  3. Is there even a slight chance you could rent an apartment, for example? I'm sure you'd do well in an own place, since your family still lives, in theory, in the same city :) There's no reason having to bear long distances if you could get an apartment, it would be extremely hard and stressful if you like to do things properly and independently as you seem to prefer to do them!

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  4. I've been wondering... how old are you? :)

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  5. Hey girl... calm down :) you know it will all work out in the end. If you do move there, just think of it as an adventure. Something good may come out of it. You will move out and live on your own sooner than you know... but until then... enjoy the change. You will find new routines and ways to do everything you enjoy :) !!!!!!

    Ryley

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  6. Aw petal, I'm sure it'll be okay. Deeeeeep breath; inhale, exhale. Moving out on your own is a biiiig task, and an even bigger one (from the sounds of it) when you live where you do. This could be the kick that you need though. Just remember that it's not permanent, and that change is a gooood thing :)

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  7. It's nice that you're being open sometimes your best posts come from when you open up! You could put your name down on the waiting list for a flat and so how you feel if one comes up as you said it could be months. All I would say is that don't stress yourself too much with school and running a flat as it's easy to underestimate the time needed for general upkeep, cleaning, food shopping etc aswell as your blogging and working out! :)

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  8. I'd put your name on the list now. As you've said, you could be waiting a while! :)

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