Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Friday, July 25, 2014

Fat phobia

Something more and more noticable in todays society is the fat phobia rising in both girls and guys. Being fat has become a fear for many, something even worse than death. They would rather starve themselves, harm their body physically and put their mental state at risk to avoid becoming so called 'fat'.
  Ive been there, that emense fear of becoming fat. Thinking that eating even a little would suddenly make me fat.. it was like i thought the food i ate would sit as a clump on my belly... Thats not the case.
 In my journals from the kids psychiatric ward in Ireland i was 14 and i said I would rather die than be fat.

That was how i thought all the years i was sick... dying was better than having any fat on my body. But now when im healthier and happier i can think what is so wrong with fat on my body? The body needs fat to function properly.... i get tummy rolls when i bend over, i have a layer of fat all over my body some places it jiggles more than others. But whats so wrong with that?
  Does it make me not pretty? Un smart? Un happy? un-anything? No, it simply means I have a healthy, happy and properly functioning body. I dont need to change anything about my body.

Those models you see in magazies, they also have fat however thers has been photoshopped away  because society doesnt seem to want to accept or acknowledge the fact that the body needs fat to function properly. Its especially important for girls, and if you dont have a high enough fat procent you might not have your period.

Now dont get me wrong, im not saying being obese is healthy. Because that ISNT either. But having a healthy body fat procent is needed. Whats the point of being super skinny if you become infertile and cant have kids in the future (or your own biological kids anyway)

Is having fat on your body really the worst thing out there? Is it worse to have fat on your body than to get hit by a car and become paralyzed? Worse than having your parents die? Worse than living an unhappy life just because of your fear of gaining a bit of weight and fat?

Many email and write to me wondering how to gain muscle without gaining fat...But it doesnt work that way? Why are you so scared of gaining a little fat. Its extra protection for your body and organs.

I recently read a post by a Swedish blogger who wrote "I wonder how some girls dare to wear a bikini on the beach." "I compare myself with others so that i feel better about my body" "It must be nice for some girls to not care how they look and let thier stomach stick out".
   After reading that, i had a real rage to my sister.... its those types of comments that lead to this type of thinking and fat phobia. Its those types of comments that lead to people feeling insecure about thier bodies, thinking they have to look a certain way to be happy or confident.

That isnt the case.

I am just glad that i am free from all those thoughts, all the fat phobia and fears i had. Now i can truly be happy in my body, not care how it looks or panic because im bloated on camera. Thats how my body is.
 For many, that is not the case. However with my blog i want to promote body love, loving your body at all shapes, sizes and weights. And remind you all that a HEALTHY body is a HAPPY body. No extremes!!! And YES, your body does have scars, marks, spots, bits that jiggle and a stomach that sticks out.. thats OK!!


  1. thank you izzy, i really really needed this right now... especially since it is summer and i am so uncomfortable wearing my bathing suit... :( but we are beautiful no matter what our size is!! :)

    1. Dont forget that you are beautiful just the way you are :) :)

  2. Some men who have got sucked into this fitness fad seem to claim that there's no such a problem such as too small fat percentage, that the less fat, the healthier girl. They say that obsessive fat dropping is purely a good thing, something that cures our population out of everything. Orthorexia doesn't exist in their opinion: it's just like another word for building a sporty lifestyle.

    I wish everyone who knows better had the guts to write it with caps for those ignorants:


    That kind of jerky way of not being being able to think in perspectives makes me ill. And it makes the whole world get ill as well.

    Ps. Got a problem.. Mom has throughout my recovery nagged how I've lost weight every damn time we meet after my time at dad's. And every time it has been more of a gain than loss. I work out like five hours a week, she does never. Despite my reached physical wellness (= full period, in my case) she constantly claims how I exercise way too much, like a professional athlete (which obviously isnt true, I can easily find normal, sporty girls who train like 12 hours every week. That'd not be for me, though). She claims I'm still obsessive and sick when I've never been this happy to work out.

    It was like yesterday that she casully congratulated me for my period, with pride. And yet today, she once again claimed that I have lost weight (in reality: +1 kg from last month, and it is here to stay even though my weight has been averagely stabil for months) and that my face has barely any fat and that it looks hollow. I know that I haven't lost a thing, and it hurts to think that nothing's ever enough for her. I almost wish that I'd get morbidly obese so that I could then ask her if she still thinks that I've lost weight. Besides, my cheeks have been one of my toughest places, they were the first place that I kind of kept measuring in the beginning of my gaining. I still feel kind of shy for them if a really bad day appears. That's why her statement today really annoyed the shit out of me.

    How can I get her stop? I'm sure you've dealt with such lack of trust a couple of years back in time. It sickens me to go all "No mom, my weight is perfectly same" in the presence of people she without a dare asks these private things. I've mentioned that I want to keep these things private, but I guess she's starting to get the dementia from her genetics now... I seriously don't know how I'm supposed to take these irrational accusations anymore.

    1. I get annoyed with those fitness people who say that as well, that having a low body fat procent is ok.... i mean having a low one and having a too low one is a BIG difference. One is ok, the other is not ok. They cant seem to see anything other than that... but i guess that once again is sort of 'fat phobia' and how people think that being super skinny is ok, because then we are fighting the obesity problem. But really another problem is just occuring.

      Hmmm, with your mum i think talking to her is your only option. Tell her WHY you exercise, maybe ask her to follow with you someday? I did that with my mum once and well, she was shocked haah!! She was almost surprised that i was so strong. Though she has never critisized me for my working out or how often i do it because she can see the difference in me and how happy it makes me.

      Tell your mum that you arent losing weight, show her if you have to... (if that doesnt trigger you9 when it comes to recovery actions speak louder than words. That was the most important thing i learnt (ok, not most important... but still) I had to show that i could eat chocolate, pizza and drink normal soda. It wasnt enough to say that i could eat it.... and once i had regained trust then it was up to me to make my own decisions and i no longer had to prove i was healthy because everyone knew i was.
      So its tough in the beginning when you first recover to regain peoples trust. But show them that you are healthy... show your mum why and how you enjoy exercise. Show her that you eat enough and that you arent losing weight.
      Remind her that you actually are a healthy weight and that you dont need to gain wieght if you dont want to... theres not much she can do it about it.
      Otherwise maybe going to a therapist - both of you can help. Because then you can both talk about your feelings, its tough for your mum. She just cares about you and wants your best and doesnt know what to think or how to act.
      But communication is key :)

    2. Thank you so so much Iz! I actually opened my mouth and asked if she'll ever be satisfied. She asked again why I "have to" work out so much, but I finally found the right words (she's a doctor, so no matter how I claimed that my exercising is just in its way a normal, even a recommended amount, she always told me that she knew better). I told her that what I've seen in the young people around me at school, for example, this is a very average amount of exercising that I have. She gave in immediately, she realised being kind of short-sightened.

      She actually has seen me eat pizza an such lovely things, yet she has said that I eat too strictly, when in reality, I eat as free and mood-according as I can as I still am basically stuck with my old meal plan, which I have twisted a little during my progress so that it now matches with my normal energy needs, I guess (although that's why I kind of take it differently every day, just like you eat more some and less the other days :)

      ↑ That is something I've never really mentioned either.. I've taken my own care a lot since I know that things happen much slower if they always have to go through five different people. I've been the one dealing my own business, mostly, and maybe that's another reason for my mom's lack of understanding.

    3. That sounds great :) And its good that you spoke to her, maybe things will change now:)
      And its good that you can make adjustments which you feel you need :) Hoepfully you will be able to eat more freely soon!
      And like you said, it is quite an average amount :) No extreme amount anyway, and a reccommended amount as well :)

  3. Eating a brownie loaded with cookies and chocolate does not make me fat. Eating a strawberry does not make me healthy. Food is food and I need to know that foods essential to survival. Fuck the eating disorder and eat it away, love it away, laugh it away. Live it away. Thank you, Izzy.