Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, July 27, 2014

Diary entry - before/during my relapse

At the end of 2011 and beginning of 2012 was when my relapse began. I wasnt healthy, not by far but i still liked to classify myself as healthy... though i still had alot of fear foods. Alot of fears left.
    I weighed between 53-54kg during this period (end of 2011 until middle of 2012) i refused to gain weight. I didnt want to. I felt fat at that weight though i was still underweight and was threatened many times that i would end up back at Mando. All i wanted was a happy and healthy life, but it was like i had given up on recovery at this stage. I didnt wantt o keep eating, keep gaining weight. I had lost sight of my goal... i didnt think it got ebtter than that... a half recovery. Stuck in the grey zone.
  Calories and certain food gave me anxiety. Weight gain gave me anxiety. I felt fat. I was very restrictive with how i ate and what i ate....
Its easy to get stuck in a half recovery stage, but it IS possible to fully recover. To get past this stage, you just have to keep fighting. And NOT settle at this stage.

Diary entry (23/12/11)

SaVE ME FROM MYSELF - Usch im  cowering away on my own.dealing with my anxiety and fear. i look in the mirror - it see myself as fat. but i  feel fat. i feel horrible. i feel like i need to run. theres this huge pull making me want to put on my shoes and go running. exercise. its hard. im making it hard for my sister . im trying to talk. but i don't want her to think im falling into bad ways. but im wondering if i am? i don't feel well.
     i feel like Anas taking over. the calories of all the food is.bothering me. i dont want to eat. all i want to do is go home. be with my mum. im my room with my computer. safe Swedish food and i miss normal. 
  i miss my dog. i miss going for walks.i know this is an anorexoc thing. im not enjoying myself. I've started counting down the days to go home. i dont want to be here.  i want to enjoy myself. but its hard.
   i think im just tired, i took an attarax (calming pill) i couldn't handle the anxiety. i felt like bursting into tears and i did when i went upstairs on my own.
 I can't wait for bed for it to be another day tomorrow.  Im gonna get through today, go to bed early and do things tomorrow. Counting down the days until i go home, i dont want to be here. I dont like not having my normal food. I dont like the food here. I just miss being at home where everything is normal.

You can see from the photos that i was far from fat but still, 80% of the time i felt fat. That is what the voice in your head does to you... makes you see and feel things which arent true.


  1. Hello!
    I don't think you look fat... but I must admit that I think you look perfect in those pictures ... And that's a bad thing of me to think! I'm seeing it with society's glasses on...
    I know your body are so much better and healthier now Izzy!
    Thanks for helping me getting my thoughts straight!

    1. I know many would think that i look perfect in those photos and now i just look too big, and that doesnt matter so much to me. But the thing is, in those photos i was underweight, i think i had a BMI of 16 or 17 there. I was still struggling wtih my ED and going through a relapse, and the fact that the body of someone who is sick, underweight and not eating enough is seen as 'perfect' is such an awful thing. Its something society has engrained in us that skinny is beatiful, but thats not true. All body shapes, sizes are beautiful. And yes skinny people just like over weight people, everyone is beautiful. Though aiming for an unhealthy weight or size is NOT healthy or good.

  2. ^ what an awful thing to say. You know you did not look perfect in these photos, and socitiy would think your muscular hot now-you are way prettier than the photos above of a quite sick girl:) You are very inspiring :)