I dont even know what ot think. I feel i cant think... i cant process it. I am pretty much 80% sure i dont want to move there, but i dont want to be the reason why we dont move if the rest of my family like it... i dont want that pressure on me. Its not my choice... i mean if we do move, well... then ill find a way to like it. Or maybe ill have found my own apartment by then? If we dont move... well i dont want to feel guilty, like im the one who made us not move?
I felt i had to get out of the house so i was glad that i already had my shoes and walking stuff on, so it was just to put on my new cap, plug in some music and walk...... i just wanted to walk and walk and walk. Sounds like im running away from my problems, but actually not. Thats how i process things. Daisy however didnt want to walk as long as me so after about 20% of what i wanted to walk i had to turn and walk back home again as Daisy wasnt co operating!! XD
For me walking, running and lifting helps me to process things.... whether its that i got an A in my test and am super happy and excited, then its just to stand on the treadmill and run at 18km/hr to get all my excitment out! Or if i did bad on a test then its just to lift some heavy ass weights and take my frustrations out.... Or in this case, trying to process a change where i feel i just want to walk and let my thoughts process and work through my feelings.
At the moment i dont know how im feeling... change can be both positive and negative and as there is a 90% chance we will move within the next 3 months i need to start seeing the positive things about this change.
For now.... i need to work through everything in my head whether that takes an hour, a day or 2 weeks... i dont know. But im working on seeing the positive about this change, and just writing this post is helping me....
Im sorry if there will be a lack of posts today... i just feel i need some space to breathe and think today.