Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, June 21, 2014

Will the thoughts ever go away?

I got asked if i thought that the ED thoughts would never go away...
   And it took some time for me to think about this question....  Do i think that the thoughts will never go away for some people? And you know what, No i dont think that. I think that it is possible for the thoughts to go away for EVERYONE suffering with an ED. For some people it takes longer time, but you know what, fighting the thoughts isnt  a dance in the park. Its hard. Its YOU who has to work with it... work AGAINST your eating disorder.

You can sit at home, think how awful life is, feel  sorry for yourself that you are suffering and wish that things would change. Think that you will never recover, think that you will always have ED thoughts. But thats not true, because YOU have to make a change. Its not that some people have it easier and others dont... thats not how it is. If you have an eating disorder, whether you have suffered 5  months or 15 years, you still have a voice in your head telling you to starve yourself. That you arent sick enough, that you are too fat, that you cant eat etc
 Of course there are degrees of the illness, some people only suffer with restriction others have exercise addictions, depression, self harm, purging, binging, OCD etc etc
  But that doesnt mean that you cant recover, that you will always be sick.

But its about fighting the voice in your head, doing things which scare you. Step outside of your comfort zone. No, it isnt fun to test a fear food. To do things that scare you.

I remember the first time i was going to eat on my own in public... i ended up standing in a bathroom because i couldnt eat infront of people.
  The first time i was going to order out in a cafe i spent 20 minutse trying to decide what i wanted and when i got what i ordered i didnt want it and cried because i didnt know how much milk was in my coffee.
  THe first time i tried chocolate i ran home and purged. All these fears, these challenges. But i took myself through them.... I got up and tried again. No, i might not have managed to keep the chocolate down the first time, but the second time i kept it down. The third time i could try a little more.
 
You need to FIGHT the voice. Do the opposite of what the voice in your head says. You need to eat even though you might not want to. You need to rest. Talk to people, ask for help. Dont isolate yourself and sit and feel sorry for yourself... you might not want the attention or help, but you need the help and support. Thats important.

You need to find a way to cope with the anxiety. With the guilt and panic. Small baby steps = full recovery.

Even when you are half recovered you cant give up, you need to keep fighting. Its so easy to give up, thats the easy option. Its easy to just lie down on the ground and refuse to get up again, especially if you have relapsed, or relapsed several times. But the fact is, nobody remembers the person who gave up. Its the winners... its the people who succeed who are most remembered. This isnt meant to make you feel bad.
  What i mean is that if you want something in life, sometimes tyou have to work hard for it. You cant give up.

Nobody else can fight the voices in your head, and i know it sucks... There were times i wished i could wake up healthy. But it didnt happen over night... all these small changes i had to make.
 
Gaining weight is easy compared to fighting the mental part.. you can have reached your healthy weight but still be struggling with your thoughts, so its easy to think that they will always be there. But thats not true....

I know many who have recovered from an ED who are now healthy. Living healthy, exercise, eat pizza, eat ice cream, eat salad, go on holliday, live life and look happy and healthy. Just like myself...
   I have fought all the voices in my head.

I dont measure food or count calories. 90% of the time i like my body, i dont have fear foods, i eat all types of food. I let others prepare food for me, i eat with others, i eat out. Im not depressed. I dont exercise to burn calories or compensate.
  I live life, im happy. Of course everyone has ups and downs and sometimes you have fat days. But its not a voice in your head telling you to starve yourself on those days... its merely a feeling that passes withing 24-72 hours.

Know that recovery IS POSSIBLE. But its YOU who has to make changes. Dont think its not possible, because then its not.


This is my post to YOU. To make you keep fighting. Even if you want to give up... Fight the voice in your head, change the thoughts. Be STRONGER than the voice in your head. Its possible!!!


2 comments:

  1. hey izzy thanks for the positive post :) you mentioned that you once found it even more difficult to eat in public - I still struggle a lot with that. could you do a short post about how to deal with it and whether it is normal or not for a person with an ed to not eat in front of others. perhaps try to explain why it makes it so much harder to eat when someone whatches you :-)

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  2. Really love your blog so so much it calms me down everytime!! Thank you for writing this :)
    I am just getting slightly fustrated as yes, I know we all need rest days and our bodies need the calories and stuff, but just HOW LONG does my body "need" the calories for? Ive been having anorexia and orthorexia for 3 years now and it just seems like such a long time for my body to "need" calories or the "rest" from exercise.. If you know what I mean.... Im terrible at explaining :(

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