Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Friday, June 13, 2014

If i can do it, so can you

I think something which you all need to remember is that I am only human too. I am not some superwoman... i know at times it might feel like, Ohh she recovered. But shes special, i cant recover. Im too sick. Or maybe you even think, Im not sick at all, or im not sick enough.
  But thats not the case....

For me, i hit absaloute rock bottom before i began recovering, it took me years, to reach such a low weight and such mental exhaustion for me to choose recovery. But dont let it go that far.... You can make a change TODAY. You dont have to wait until tomorrow, or wait until you get admitted to hospital, or wait until you have tube feeding to make a change... you can choose RIGHT NOW, that you are going to eat your snack. That you are actually going to eat pasta with your meal. You can call your friend, mum, partner and say that you want to go for ice cream or go get coffee.
   Its you who needs to make the change. Its scary, its tough, it requires hard work. But in the end its worth it.

If i hadnt made those changes, if i hadnt taken control over my life again, fought the voice in my head i wouldnt be here today, writing my blog. I would be  buried under ground, as i really didnt have much of a life left at the stage i was at.
   No, i might not have been as thin as some others who have been sick, but its not a competition of who is sickest. The fact that you are starving yourself, binging and purging, over exercising etc That is sick and requires help. You dont need to be near death to be classified as sick.



It can be easy to think that i am some special case, but remember that while i was sick i pretty much accepted the fact that i would never be healthy. That i would be one of those special cases that recovery wasnt meant for. Mando gave up on me, my mum pretty much gave up on me. I had practically no friends left, and my relationship with the rest of my family was next to none.
   I really didnt think i would recover, i didnt want it either. Not until i was sitting as an inpatient at Mando for my 4th time with constant supervision (there was always staff there) but now i had to have someone sit beside me to stop me from any form of exercise or from cheating wtih myfood. It wasnt until i felt so completely hopeless, exhausted, shaking from the coldness, tiredness and anxiety that i felt like I cant do this anymore.
   That i physically felt i couldnt keep starving myself, that it wasnt worth it. I wasnt getting what i wanted out of it... i wasnt happier, i wasnt prettier, nothing good had come out of it. Just loads of negativity, for both me and my whole family.

You need to find your motivation, your reason to recover. And KEEP FIGHTING. Even when its tough. Face your fear foods, fight your triggers, fight the ED thoughts in your head. Do things which scare you, step out of your comfort zone. Stop counting calories and weighing food. Stop weighing yourself, learn to let go and reach your goal weight.
  Learn to live life again and love life.

I am only human, but i have gone through so much and still made it through .So who says that you cant? You might feel like you are a special case, that you will never recover... whetehr you have been sick 1 year, 3 years or 10 years Recovery is ALWAYS an option. 
  You just need to choose it. Accept help, accept support and Start making changes!!!!




2 comments:

  1. I love this kind of posts - your words are so warm, so alarming, so genuine, so HOPEFUL. Thank you, for the 10000th time, for walking this recovery path with me.
    J

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  2. Beautiful post! I especially loved the part where you put that you could call a family member to go out for ice cream - that would have tackled two things in one for me with my disorder: I was very depressed and feeling very alone with my social life essentially gone due to my controlling ED.
    Courtney

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