Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, June 25, 2014

How to cope on holiday

Going on holiday can cause alot of anxiety whie you are suffering with an eating disorder. You have your routines and habits which you dont want to change. Going on holiday can mean alot of triggers and anxiety... different types of food, eating at different times, no routine, no control.
  But none of this is bad... infact this can be exactly what you need. To come away from your daily routines... To change. Not just do the same thing over and over...

For me while i was sick, once i had made my routines and habits, there was no breaking them. At that was what i found so difficult, because no matter how much i wanted to change my routines.. not do all these things like the constant exercising i made myself do, these rituals and habits which i hated... i made myself do them, because they were part of my routine. And i couldnt break that.
  And just thinking about going away made me feel anxious, travelling was the worst thing i knew. Because then i was really giving up control. I could no longer decide what and when we would eat. I had my times i exercised, i had my habits. But i would no longer have that when i was on holiday. And it scared me....

I wish i could say that going away magically helped me while i was didnt. It didnt make me better -. but that was because i wasnt willing to let go of my routines or habits, so i kept them with me during the times i was away (2010 & 2011). But once i began recovering, making decisions towards a more healthy me... the fear of travelling got less and less the more i travelled. And now i know i can comfortably travel anywhere, even to Ireland (even if it does bring back bad memories) i can travel without worry about food, exercise or breaking my routines. A week or two away wont make me fat, wont ruin any exercise progress... it will just give me a break from my daily life. And i wish i could travel away this summer, but that wont be happening. But its not something i fear anymore, its something i secretly long for... a few days or a week anyway :)

Sooo... my tips on how to cope while on holiday.

You need to realise that breaking your routines is a GOOD thing. Nothing bad will happen  because you eat different things and different times. Or because you sleep in or dont exercise. Worrying and feeling anxious about those things is what is going to ruin your holiday.... you will look back on the holiday and wish that you had been able to enjoy it, not just think of calories, food and fear of weight gain.

And now the holiday weight gain which everybody seems to fear... can we all just let go of that fear. Unless you are eating HUGE amounts of calories and a LARGE excess of food, you dont need to worry so mcuh about gaining weight.
   -> Branching onto another topic, but 1 of the reasons among many why you should be eating a large amount of calories to gain weight is that if you are gaining weight by only eating 1500kcal a day, this will make it very difficult to actually eat alot when you are a normal and healthy weight... if you are gaining weight by eating around 3000kcal a day, that means that you can maintain on about 2500, and means that you can eat alot more than others without worrying about gaining weight... you increase your metabolism. And means that yes, when you are on holiday etc you can eat quite alot without worrying about weight gain.
  For me personally, i always seem to lose weight while on holiday even if i eat lots of ice cream, cake, dessert and dont do as much exercise. Its because i eat different things, i dont eat my normal 6 meals per day or the same amount of energy that i need.

But also, dont underestimate how much you do burn while you are on holiday. If you are doing alot of walking - sight seeing, you are using alot of energy. You might not see that as exercise because you think running 10km or doing 2 hours weight lifting is exercise, but the fact is if you are out walking in town or shopping, you burn alot.
  So DONT undereat while on holiday. You DONT need to choose just salad and fruit because you think you arent burning alot, or because you are scared to eat anything else.
  Dont let the voice in your head ruin your holiday.

You CAN eat a pizza and not worry... you can eat pizza for lunch and ice cream as a snack and then dessert after dinner while on holiday, its OK!!! Ive done that before, there is nothing wrong with that. I can eat ice cream 3 times in one day, or chocolate all through out the day while on holiday. Its OK!
  It canbe good for your body to get different types of food, not just the same thing again and again.

Preparing for your holiday -  Mentally prepare yourself. Know that you might - or hopefully not - get anxiety for some reason. But have a good way of coping, whether its takinga  few moments to breathe. Talking to someone. even having a stress ball with you in your bag that maybe you can squeeze when you start feeling anxious :)
  Know that your routines WONT be the same. But thats ok... you DONT need to exercise. You DONT need to eat at the same time and the same thing all the time.
   However you need to make sure that you eat enough.

If you are travelling with parents or family, setting up a plan can be good. For me when i go on holiday i like knowing what we are doing... just so that i have some sort of plan. And that can be comforting for some.

Learn to relax and know its ok to spend a whole day lying by the beach, or a whole week as well :) Its a break. Its a holiday... its time for rest :)

Just as its ok to eat pizza and ice cream on holiday, you dont need to just eat junk food... there are ALWAYS cafes and nice restaurants to visit which have all types of things on their menu. But choose from your HEART not your head. If your heart wants pasta carbonara, know that its ok. And that it is going to be super yummy. And nothing to feel anxious about... and if your heart thinks it would be fresh with a salmon salad, thats also ok.

You WILL BE OK on holiday. Fight your ED. Dont let your ED ruin your life, ruin your holiday. Holidays arent exactly the cheapest, and ruining it for yourself and your family is something you WILL regret later on in life. Trust me.
Make the decision that you are really going to TRY. Thats the most important, everyday might not be perfect you might get anxiety for a few meals.. but if you atleast try to eat. And face your fears as mcuh as possible, that is the most important. If its your first holiday in a while, it might be tough. But it gets easier in time, thats what ive learnt anyway... the more i travelled, the more i learnt to let go of control the easier it got!!

Let go of all your fears.

And a note, it can also help to start preparing for the holiday once you know you're going. I.e going out to eat in restaurants, facing fear food, letting others make you food. Finding a way to cope with anxiety. Not exercising. Changing your routines etc
   This can REALLY help, and will help you in your fight for recovery :)


  1. Thank you so much for this post, it's jsut what I needed today. I'm not actually going on holiday but I'm working for about 8 days at different festivals and I am really scared about not being able to exercise. Even though I know I'll be worked off my feet on 12 hour shifts, I've been actually trying to convince myself that I am not being lazy by not exercising. Thank you.

    1. Im glad i could help :) I knwo it might not feel like exercise, but when you are doing alot of standing, walking, doing things you are burning alot and i reccommend that you eat more than on normal days because your body will need it!!