Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Dont let the number on the scale scare you

**I write numbers... could be triggering?**

Something which i thought i would write about - quickly - is about the scale.... Its so easy to stand on the scale, holding your breathe, not wanting to see the number but at the same time wanting to see it. Wnating to know exactly how much you weigh.... And can i just ask why? Why is it so important to know how much you weigh?
 You dont measure your height everyday....  you dont take an IQ test everyday, you dont count the amount of breaths you take each day, so why weigh yourself everyday... worry about a number. A number that doesnt even define you.... Nobody else sees or knows the number apart from you.
   I weigh more than some people i know who are roughly the same height, but we look completely different. Nothing alike at all.... what does it matter if i have a heavier weight than them. That just means that my mass to the ground is heavier.. but it could be due to water, bones, muscle, fat, hair etc...All these different reasons.

Also remember that the number on the scale changes ALL the time. All throughout the day. If you weigh yourself first thing in the morning, after going to the bathroom you will be your lightest... but if you weigh yourself after you eat you will most probably weigh 0,5kg+ and if you weigh yourself in the evening after eating and drinking you can weigh anything from 1-2+kg.... have you gained 1kg fat? No you havent. Its water & food and other things.
   You dont just gain a kilo of fat just like that... trust me, we would all be overweight then.

Yesterday, Monday when i first weighed myself at the CF clinic i weighed 63kg. I thought nothing of it as i vary between 63-65kg. And then today when i had to weigh myself again i weighed 63,9kg....
  So, did i gain 900g over one night? **OOoopps, it might have been all the salted nuts and home made bread i ate? O_O *JOKE*
  No, of course not. I had different clothing, different time of day, had just drunk water etc etc

So DONT panic over the scale. DONT weigh yourself... not more than once per week, and then try to do it at the same time - in the morning after going to the bathroom.
 But dont step on the scale in the evening or after eating.... Because thats NOT EVEN logical? Of course you will weigh more then. But its nothing more than food weight, and like your body bloating...

Get rid of the fear of the scale and the fear of the number on the scale. WHAT does it matter to you? Your weight is individual... you NEED a healthy weight.

You all know, deep down that the number on the scale doesnt matter. So what if it says 55kg or 60kg? The MOST important is that you are a healthy weight... whether that healthy weight for you is 50kg or 65kg, well blame your height and age. NOT your doctor. If you want to weigh 40kg, well then wish that you are 130cm or something.  
   If you are like 170cm+ then YES you will have to weigh more than someone who is 150cm... So DONT compare weight. If you are taller, have more muscle, have a stronger build then yes, you will weigh more than someone who is shorter or more petite... but it doesnt make you bigger or fatter than them, not necessarily anyway.


  1. Hi Izzy,
    Just to comment on this post. I have had an eating disorder since the age of 17 (I am now 26). Throughout the years I have followed numerous bloggers (including you) with eating disorders , learning about how different people with eating disorders think.
    What I have come to realise is that 95% of them watch the scale constantly (4-5 times daily; sometimes way more).
    I have been both bulimic and anorexic on and off throughout the years, however, I would never watch the scale. I am so terrified that if I have gained weight, I would get a panic attack and this happened quite a few times. I always buy myself the smallest possible jean size I can fit into and measure my weight that way. As soon as I can feel that I have lost a lot of weight I would get myself to weigh myself and as soon I see the numbers dropping I find my inspiration from there to lose even more. But as soon as I binge and purge I know I would not have lost anything and then the anxiety kicks is. And this is how my cycle continues.
    I have also been able to know exactly how little (according to science) I can weigh for my height and age for me to be just above border not to be hospitalised. This does not mean that I have not been to numerous doctors to be put on medication just to keep me from not fainting from being so underweight.
    All I am trying to point out is that it is interesting to see that the majority of women with eating disorders worry about the scale, whereas I (even though I worry about the numbers on it) am absolutely terrified of it!!
    I suppose it just comes with low self-esteem and perfectionism ;)
    PS - I absolutely LOVE your blog!

  2. Hello :)
    I am sorry that yiu are struggling. But it's not good to keep yourself at such a low enough, but just enough to not be hospitalised. Think of all the long term damage from being underweight and undernourished. Please DO seek help. For your health.
    You DONT need to fit into the skinniest jeans or weigh the smallest weight. Its not good for you.
    For me, I was never obsessed with weighing myself. We never had a scale at home so my goal was never to be a certain weight. ... i just wanted to feel skinny. I just wanted to get rid of the fat, but i constantly felt fat no matter what weight. It was only when I got to Mando and we were weighed once a week that I developed a fear of the scale. . It was when I got my goal weigh which the number on the scale started scaring me. But otherwise it hadn't been such a big deal for me.... So of course not everyone has a fear of the scale or weighs themselves constantly when they are sick That is a generalisation. But quite alot of people with EDs do have a fear of the scale and the number, but obsessively weigh themselves.