Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, June 12, 2014

Changing clothes sizes in recovery

Once you started gaining weight, did it show when it came to your clothing sizes, or did you find that a lot of your weight gain went to restoring bone/muscle/organ weight? Of course I have bloating, like we all do, but my actual clothing size hasn't changed too much. Was that the case for you? 

When you recover one of the things that you need to accept is that you might not fit into the same clothse that you wear now... but you need to ask yourself, Do your clothes actually fit now, or do they hang off of you, sit loosely or just dont really fit properly?

For me, i never found clothes that fit. The smallest sizes were always too big anyway, so i often wore alot of bigger clothes. But that was what i found comfortable in. I wore dresses, big hangy jump/tops with tights... i rarely wore jeans. And even today i still hate jeans, i prefer tights with skirts of jeggings.
   As my clothes were already too big for me while i was sick, i just sort of grew into my clothes.... infact i still have clothes from when i was sick that still fits me. Not that ive ever worn them, they are just sitting in a bag, ready to be given away as i dont want the reminder, even if they fit me.
    Infact while i was sick i was wearing clothes from when i was 12, as my family didnt have alot of money to actually buy new clothes but also i didnt want to buy new clothes. I was so uncertain of what size i would need... so i just wore these too big clothes, and felt so stupid wearing clothes from several years ago and that they still.... sort of fit me?

It can be easy to think that all the weight is just going to go as fat on your body and that when you're done gaining weight you will be rolling forward, not fitting into any clothes. But thats not true.
   ALOT of the weight goes to your organs, your brain, your cells, muscles... all trying to repair your body. I mean from my lowest weight to my goal weight i gained 20kg, and yes you can see that i gained weight when you compare pictures from those 2 times, but its not like i am overweight... i didnt go from normal weight to over weight. I went from underweight to healthy weight, and that s what you need to remember. Hearing that you need to gain 10kg, or even 5kg can make you panic.... but that weight doesnt just suddenly appear around your midsection. It distributes, and most of it is actually helping your organs, helping your body function.

So yes, you most probably will go up a size, but instead of seeing this as a negative thing. See this as a good thing, you get a chance to buy new clothes that fit your better.I know people dont always have alot of money so it can be awful knowing that you might not have clothes that fit you anymore... but then i suggest you buy things which are just a little bigger... not the tightest fitting clothes, but not huge things either because you most probably wont fit into them after you've gained weight anyway.

Like i said above, the clothes i wore when i was sick still fitted me when i had gained weight, and still fit today. The only thing which didnt fit anymore is jeans.... those i threw away the moment i found difficult to put on.
  It was tough, infact i had bought a pair of really nice skinny jeans which cost alot when i was sick, and had gained a little weight. But then i lost loads of weight and the jeans didnt fit anymore. And i forgot about them, and then when i was my goal weight i found them again and was super happy, thinking now i could wear them. But they were too small... And that hurt alot. As my legs have always been my problem area, and suddenly i had these jeans i loved but didnt fit.....
   And it took some time, but i came to the realisation that was i really going to starve myself just to fit into a pair of jeans? And give everything else up...? Give my life up for a pair of xs jeans? No i wasnt.... instead i was going to buy new jeans that fit me better and get rid of my old ones. And thats what i did.

And i havent thought about those jeans until now...

I know its tough when you no longer fit into your old clothse. But instead, look into the future... in a few months, or in a years time you wont even remember.... you will have bought new clothes. Thinking and worrying about other things.
    I suggest that if an item of clothing doesnt fit anymore... give it away, throw it away or chop it up and do something else with it instead. Dont have it there in plain sight reminding you of something you dont want to go back to.


  1. I felt this way when I made the decision to gain weight and be healthy. At first, I was upset that I would have to buy new clothes because it would cost money, but then I realized the following: 1) there are clothes that would still fit me because they were too big, 2) I would be spending more money going to doctors due to ED instead of getting my health back, and 3) I didn't need to wear clothes that people my age typically did not wear. Another way to buy clothes without spending too much money is going to local shops were there are second-hand clothes (ex. Salvation Army, Goodwill, etc.). The garments are perfect for in-between sizes in recovery.

  2. I have done most of my clothes shopping at thrift stores for the time that I am gaining weight and need new clothes. They are cheap AND you don't have to worry about sizes as much. These clothes have already been used, meaning they have shrunk or stretched and are all types of brands- you can really tell how silly it is to judge yourself based on a size because with three pants of the same exact size, one may be slightly too big, one might be slightly too small, and one might fit!

  3. This is so true. I never really bought clothes that fit me when I was really underweight because i knew that 1 day i had to gain weight. Now I just perfectly fit into my clothes that i used to wear when i was deep in my ed. I think its also a lot easier this way. Im sure that if I had to change clothes size i would have panicked like crazy.

  4. It has been 1 year and 6 weeks since my start to recovery. I went from a size 2-3 to a size 9 today. It was hard to swallow at first. I had to get new work clothes because nothing fit me. I have started to love leggings (that fit) and sweater dresses...I can say that I look forward to not being too cold this winter!