Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, June 30, 2014

Chocolate cravings

All of yesterday i wanted trail mix... it was like all i could think about. But i just couldnt be bothered to go to the shop... i kept wishing that, if i thought hard enough for trail mix, it would suddenly appear in the pantry... Hahaha, NOT the case!!!
   So today, on my way home meeting my friend i decided to go to the shop and finally buy myself some trail mix. Yesterday i was more craving chocolate covered nuts, but today i was craving more salty... so lots of salted cashews & salted puffed corn!! Mmmm
   
Something which i have never really understood is when people crave something, lets say chocolate... and then they eat fruit instead, or make an avocado mousse or some healthy hot chocolate or something... For me, i could eat all the chocolate substitue.. i.e stevia chocolate, chocolate oatmeal, dark chocolate, healthy chocolate muffins.... normal chocolate muffins. But if its regular chocolate im craving... then no matter what type of substitue i try, its not going to fix my craving!!
  Im like... if i want ben and jerrys, eating banana ice cream isnt going to make that craving go away. And eating an avocado chocoalte mousse when im craving chocolate isnt going to fix it!! haah XD

Of course, cravings = there is something in that food that you are missing/lacking, so of course these other options can be very helpful. But im all for eating my actual craving, and not tring to eat something similiar to the craving.




^All for meeeeeee XD

Brinner (Breakfast for dinner)

This morning after breakfast i got ready for an aeroboxing workout with my step dad. which went great!! I love how flexible aeroboxing is... there are no 'set' exercises... you just use what you can, whats around you. Make up the moves, the sequences, how long etc
  Its like high intensity interval training!!! I do need to study more on how to actually put together a full workout, i can put together short ones, like 20-30 minutes (ok, not that short... it depends what you view as short, but the typical workout should last from 45-75 minutes according to my instructions book ;)) There is a plan on how you build up the workout - warm up, strength, cardio, cool down etc. So going to read more on that.
   I'm now waiting for more courses and training so i can continue to get more information and feel more confident in my teaching and instructing :)

After that it was lunch that followed and after that some cleaning & series watching before i met my friend in a shopping centre. We got stuck looking at the sales before we went to a cafe. The cafe however was a -10... the person working was extremely rude. The coffee cups were dirty and extremely small (like 100ml coffee cup? ). The coffee was overly expensive, but it was refill... and i wanted to go take 5 0r 6 refilly, just because the lady working was so rude to us. (And i know i shouldnt be mean, rude or judge... (i wasnt rude back!!!) as everyone has their reasons, and it might have been a bad day for her, but still.... haha)
   
Came home and when i felt my stomach start rumbling for dinner, looking into the freezer i felt very uninspired for typical dinner food. Infact, the only thing calling me was oatmeal.... All i could think was 2 portions of oatmeal, please :)
  So home alone, feeling lazy... what better than to make breakfast for dinner!!!

2 portions egg white oatmeal, quark, strawberry jam, strawberries (&coconut milk added afterwards), 1 grapefruit & an egg & green tea!
   Super delicious, and this evening i have salted nuts and chocolate covered nuts waiting for me!!! Nom nom nom!




Once in a while breakfast for dinner is ok :) 

Healthy is individual

Health... The definition of Health according to WHO is: "a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity." SOURCE

Health is about social, mental and physical health... Health is very individul... its not the same for everyone.
   For extroverts, they feel most healthh and happy when they spend time with others, whilst me.. im an introvert and i feel very happy, content and healthy when i spend time on my own .I NEED time on my own for my health, for my mental health. Whilst my sister, who is an extrovert she hates spending time on her own, and is always with friends or family or talking to people.

I consider eating chocolate and candy when i crave it - whether thats 3 times a week, or once every 2 weeks to be healthy. Others find that eating candy one or two times a week is healthiest for them, as it keeps them from binging on it. And others, maybe people who have diabetes find that they cant eat alot of chocolate at all...
  and some people dont even like chocolate, and find that for them...part of being healthy is eating chips on a Friday evening.

For me, healthy is exercising when i have the energy and motivate for it, whether thats 3 times a week or 6 times a week. Others find that going for walks a few times a week is healthy for them, and others have the energy and motivation to do hardcore training 5-6 days a week, and for others... just getting out of the house, sitting in the sun is healthy for them.

Of course there are general guidlines, like exercise 30 minutes a day, dont eat alot of salt or sugar, spend time with friends and family etc
   But those are just guidelines, people are in different stages of their life, going through different things in their life.

When someone is depressed, maybe just sitting outside, saying hello to a family member is a BIG thing for them.
  When someone is recovering from a restrictive eating disorder, or from a very low weight then exercising 30 minutes a day ISNT advised.
   As i have CF but also sweat so much through exercise, my salt intake needs to be higher (as my sweat is extra salty).

So remember health is very individual... you cant necessarily tell someone that just because they dont eat candy as often as you, that they are unhealthy. Or because someone eats candy more often that you, they are unhealthy.
  Its about finding the balance For YOU!

Of course, there are guidlines of where the balance of too healthy becomes unhealthy, or where too much exercise or too little exercise is unhealthy. Just like with too much healhty food or too unhealthy food becomes unhealthy... but its about finding what works for YOU.

You dont need to follow someone elses way of living, the way they exercise or eat. That wont necessarily make you healthy if you feel sad, always hungry, not enough energy etc

Bloggers who joined my summer list questions!

Aimee who has the blog healthypetite.wordpress.com joined in and answered the summer list questions, however as its winter for her she changed teh questions i little Which i love!! :) Even if its winter for you, you can still join in and answer the questions :)
   Read her post here: http://healthypetite.wordpress.com/2014/06/26/winter-list/

Veronike with the blog: http://recover-mind-and-body.blogspot.se also joined in and adapted the questions to a winter version!
   Her answers: http://recover-mind-and-body.blogspot.se/2014/06/winter-questions.html

Johanna from https://recoveryschmecovery.wordpress.com joined in and as its summer for her, answered the summer questions!! :) (Her summer breakfasts sound delicious :) )
   Her answers: https://recoveryschmecovery.wordpress.com/2014/06/26/summer-list/

If YOU also want to answer these questions, the post is here: http://living-with-anorexia.blogspot.se/2014/06/summer-list.html

I would love to read your answers :)

Stages of recovery

I was asked about digestive pain, bloating and water retention in recovery. And that is PART of it... its almost unavoidable. Your body has been under soo much stress, it just wants to recover and rpotect itsself. And water retention and bloating is part of that... its protecting your organs. But also, your body doesnt know what to do with the food, as it has gone so long without food. Its a shock for the body.
  Keep eating normally, regularly and enough. Thats my best advice, and especialyl for bloating.
 If you restrict to get rid of the bloating, you are making the situation worse and when you do eat normally again it will take longer for this phase to pass.

The text Below if from HERE

3. THE PHASES OF RECOVERY

There are three distinct phases and one critical final phase for complete weight recovery and here's a bit of what to expect.
Yes, you can experience symptoms of multiple phases at once and you can seem to progress from one phase to the next and then, for no apparent reason, seem to back track. That’s all normal and not cause for concern.
Remember the body is not a machine but it knows what it is doing as long as you are providing the energy and resting.
And finally, please keep in mind that no one (absolutely no one) sails through this process with no slips or problems. Whenever you slip back into more restrictive behaviors you have not failed. Instead you must treat the experience as an opportunity to learn more about what are your specific triggers that cause relapse—that will make for a far more resilient remission in the end.

Phase I—edema.

Water Onboard

The body seems to gain 7-16 lbs. (sometimes more than that) in the first couple of days or weeks when you get to re-feeding amounts for your age/sex/height.
Someone not prepared for this will panic and restrict before she gets too far along. The "weight" almost exclusively water retention (edema). The body needs the water for cellular repair and the normalization of both liver and kidney functions [WB Salt, 2004; GFM Russell, JT Bruce, 1990].
The water retention dissipates past the second month, but only if the patient is reliably eating to the minimum guidelines or more every single day.
Very rarely, extreme edema (most pronounced on hands and feet) is one of several symptoms of refeeding syndrome. It is one of the many important reasons why medical supervision is a necessity in the early phases of refeeding.
Further details on water retention are available in this blog post: Edema: The Bane (and Blessing) of the Recovery Process. 
One of the tenets of the MinnieMaud treatment approach is to stop weighing yourself at all. You will find the Your Eatopia Forums strewn with panicked ED-driven meltdowns after someone in recovery has succumbed to stepping on a scale.
The scales are one of the eating disorder’s most favorite of torture implements that it gets to use on you to generate an easy relapse. Do not give it the satisfaction.

Digestive Distress

Digestive distress is common in this first phase: bloating, gas, pain and abdominal distention, diarrhea or constipation. You can alleviate this a bit by eating smaller amounts more constantly throughout the day: 200-250 calorie increments from the moment you get up until you go to bed.
This digestive distress occurs because starvation has drastically reduced all the critical bacteria in your gut as well as all your digestive enzyme levels. In order for the bacteria to recolonize to acceptable levels they need the energy in. [MD McCue, 2012; PD Cani et. al. 2007]
For many patients in this phase they also have to overcome gastroparesis. [RW McCallum et. al., 1990]. Gastroparesis is a survival mechanism whereby the stomach doubles its emptying time to the small intestine, meaning the food is churned in the stomach for longer to try to allow for the small intestine to maximize the too-little energy coming in to the body. Gastroparesis begins easing within a few days of doggedly staying at or above the minimum intake and it resolves quickly if you persist in eating the recovery guideline amounts, usually within a couple of weeks to a month. In fact the motility of the entire gut is slowed to try to extract as much energy as possible during starvation [M Hirakawa et. al., 1990] and this resolves during dedicated refeeding efforts.
Don't be tempted to lower the calorie intake because of the discomfort—just space the food out throughout the day. Yogurt with active cultures will be your best friend [C Coker Ross, 2008; E Nova et. al., 2006]
If you could tolerate lactose before the restrictive eating disorder took hold, then you will again once recovered. However, many patients in recovery can experience transient, otherwise known as secondary, lactose intolerance. This is because the system is so stressed that it can no longer reliably produce lactase to break down the lactose. If you find having milk, cream and ice cream cause bloating and diarrhea, then replace them with soy and rice options or ideally use a lactase supplement (such as Lactaid). Do not have any low-fat or non-fat options for any foods in your home.
Also, while dehydrated in the early phases, resist the urge to drink lots of water. You will get adequate hydration if you eat to the recovery guidelines. If you do have drinks, make sure they are full of calories. So instead of sodas, it's ice cream shakes and fruit smoothies with full fat yogurts and extra oil and nut butters too.
Coffee tends to increase gut motility (that means moving things faster through the colon) [SR Brown et. al., 1990; PJ Boekema et. al., 2000] and this is usually not an issue as most have very slow gut motility due to starvation. However, do limit coffee intake to one or two cups a day and make sure they are loaded with creams and sugars to focus on getting food in the system.

Pain

Edema, water retention, causes a considerable amount of aching throughout the body. You may feel very sore all over.
When you twist your ankle and it swells with fluid, heats up and hurts, that is the healing process at work. In recovery, the process is happening on a body-wide scale. Pain forces us to stop and rest. That subsequently allows for the body to deal with whisking away all the damaged cells and providing energy for the development of new, healthy cells without having to deal with new damage all the time as you “push through the pain”.
Those of you who applied excessive exercise, purging, diuretic or laxative abuse when you were actively restricting, will likely experience more swelling and pain in this phase of recovery.

Rest

Many of you will feel like you have been hit by a freight train’s worth of exhaustion and tiredness. You will find this confusing because you were “so energetic” during active restriction and now that you are really working on recovery you just want to flop and sleep.
As mentioned in the previous section, there is marked hyperactivity during active starvation for those on the restrictive eating disorder spectrum.
In the throes of restriction, you have a very effective "signal jammer". Basically your brain is not able to really receive and interpret all the distress signals from your body. This is why non-ED people feel horrible when they starve and yet eating-disordered people initially feel energized, calm, dissociated from bad feelings etc. There are marked neurotransmitter anomalies that appear to have something to do with it and they occur in various emotional centers in the brain, specifically those responsible for threat identification.
It is a good sign if you are exhausted because it suggests your body is finally able to communicate its needs for recuperation and energy in a way that was not happening during active restriction.

No Exercise

Removing workouts and exercise from your regime tend to be more difficult than increasing food intake for many. It is a common question as to why it is necessary and can’t one just consume enough energy to support the expenditure of energy.
Most will profess that their exercise regime has nothing to do with restriction and that it is merely for all the mood-modulating benefits that exercise will provide.
Yah, no. Mood-modulating benefits can be achieved through simply sitting outside and the mood-modulating benefits of exercise are far from scientifically definitive as well.
Furthermore, because you do not have a mechanistic body you cannot actually magically consume enough energy to necessarily support expenditures because the body is conservative and cautious when it comes to how it chooses to use energy intake. In other words, even if you doubled your intake that may not result in your body being comfortable assigning energy to repairs and weight restoration because the cortisol levels suggest the body is under stress and therefore the energy should be socked away in case.
Just stopping exercise will be highly anxiety-provoking and that is why an approach of “replace and distract” is recommended by experts in the field of exercise dependency:
There is plenty of clinical evidence that there seems to be no way to return a woman who is on the Female Athlete Triad (inadequate energy intake, amenorrhea (lack of a regular menstrual cycle) and bone density de-mineralization) back to a regular menstrual cycle with adequate bone re-mineralization without having her cease all activity. No matter how much we increase the intake, or change the timing to try to negate any energy deficit, nothing happens until she is usually injured out and the forced rest reverses the situation [DL Wiggins et.al., 1997; R Olyai et. al. 2009; NH Golden 2007].
I also have my own direct experience with patients with this condition. One in particular spent 5 months trying to increase her intake to have her period return regularly (she was weight restored after a long intermittent history with anorexia, then bulimia, then anorexia athletica). Within one month of finally hanging up the running shoes, her period returned with no additional weight gain at that point (she was already BMI 23).
There is nothing wrong with taking this in steps, but essentially you have to keep focused on replace and distract while getting to the minimum daily intake every single day. Once you get there, then you have actually started a full recovery process.
So, replace and distract.
If you workout in the morning, that is easily replaced with sleep. If you set your alarm to do those aerobics sessions, then set the alarm later and then continue with your morning routine minus the workout.
For some, that morning session provides some grounding—in that case, still set the alarm, but do slow yoga stretching, or mindfulness exercises, breathing exercises, or just sitting quietly in the kitchen with a nice mug of something hot (and ideally full of calories too!).
Others have to also include distraction because the eating disorder ratchets up the anxiety when you don't follow through on restrictive behaviours. Have family breakfasts. Set up mid-morning get-togethers with a friend for a coffee and a muffin.
Enroll in activities (non-exertion) that you may have had some interest in in the past. Crafts, languages, learning new software packages—flip through what's on offer at a local community center to get inspired.
Getting out in the nature is mentally valuable, but put the breaks on the exertion and duration. So again, a bit of replace and distract. How slowly can you go around the block? Make that your task. See if you can get it to 15-20 minutes for one block. Take in absolutely everything in your surroundings. Note every change. Bring a camera and take a picture of the same view each day so you can then compare after your walk whether you actually missed a detail from one day to the next or not.
Consider pot gardening (as in plants in pots!) on a patio or deck. This will allow you to be outside and connected to some of the benefits of gardening without the more strenuous aspects of hauling mounds of dirt etc. Set up a bird feeder (I have a hummingbird feeder I love). Sit out and admire your handiwork growing in the pots and watch the birds.
If one kind of replacement strategy doesn't work, then try another. Basically enter the process with curiosity about what things you could include in your life to broaden your horizons, rather than entering the process with trepidation assuming you will simply be pacing the floors with nothing better to do.

Phase II—vital organ insulation

If you get here, then the body is now focused on protecting your vital organs. It assumes you will starve it again soon enough and without insulation around your mid-section, your organs are in grave danger.
The body preferentially lays down fat around the mid-section to insulate vital organs from hypothermia. [L Mayer et. al., 2005] Again, someone in recovery who is not prepared for this will freak. You can feel huge (a combination of fat around the middle and the residual bloating and gas of a digestive system struggling to get up to speed again). Unfortunately, many relapse here.
The redistribution of all that fat around the mid-section to the rest of the body only occurs if you persist right the final phase. [LES Mayer et. al., 2009]
Phase II is a neither/nor phase that is difficult for many to navigate. The body is focused on conservative maneuvers to ensure your safety should you starve again. For many this tends to be a phase of extreme impatience—following all the guidelines day and day out and yet still wearing floaty and stretchy clothes and feeling like an alien in your own body seems unfair.
You may still be restoring weight and that will bother your eating disorder-generated anxiety. Your ingrained sense of an acceptable weight may not be your body’s optimal weight set point. Your body may additionally need to temporarily overshoot its optimal weight set point in this process in order to return to a correct fat mass to fat-free mass ratio. [A Dulloo et. al., 1996, 1999]
This phase will test you. It requires that you double-down in your trust of your own body. It requires that you work to identify your value beyond weight, shape or ideals found in our cultures and society. It is a phase that lays the groundwork for your ultimate ability to maintain a resilient remission.


Phase III—bones, muscles, almost there

Assuming you have been purposefully eating to your minimum guidelines and responding to extreme hunger without compensatory restriction up to this phase, then you start to get rewarded for all your hard work.
Osteopenia and osteoporosis begin to reverse (the completion of that may take up to 7 years, but it begins to reverse in this phase).
The fat deposited around the mid-section is now beginning to be redistributed throughout the body.
Hair, nails and skin begin to have increased pliability and suppleness.
You also start to feel more connected and self-imposed isolation diminishes. You feel less emotional blunting and start to want things for your life.
This occurs for many at around the 4-6 month mark, but for others it takes shape between months 8-12.
Unfortunately this is often when an almost-fully recovered patient makes a series of mistakes (often also due to misguided advice even from her own medical and professional team). She assumes she can now maintain her weight and that she is recovered.

Last day of June

And we are now half way through the year....Crraazzzyyy!!
  The last day i one of my friends posted a picture of how many days there are left to Christmas...^_^ Please dont remind me. I love Christmas, but i mean 6 months of the year Sweden has terrible weather... cold, icy, snowy... so i want to enjoy these summer months. Though, the weather has just been awful.. No sun at all!!

I want to thank all of you who have been commenting recently, its soon to see when you comment, its like then i know that im not just writing to no one... even though i know there are many reading my blog :) I also want to thank all of you who read my blog!! :)

This morning after breakfast i am going to do some Aeroboxing with my step dad, and after that i'll see where the day takes me!! :)
  What are your plans for today?



Sunday, June 29, 2014

Everyone else is exercising, so why cant i?

Something which ive noticed more and more, is that people who are recovering from an eating disorder are turning to exercise Way to early.
   And this isnt healthy... For me, i wasnt allowed to exercise until i was 2-4kg away from my goal weight. And then it was light and moderate exercise that was key. No long runs, no heavy weight lifting, no extreme exercise.. light exercise like walking, swimming for 30 minutes, a jog for 30 minutes etc

The type of thinking like Im just gaining fat... im just going to be fat when ive reached my goal weight, 'normal' people and others recovering and exercising. I want muscle, instead of fat.
   I also have people emailing me asking how they can gain muscle and no fat...

And i just want to hug you all... this type of thinking is SO wrong. You have to realise that you are underweight... even if it might not feel like it, you might feel huge, or fat or whatever when you look in the mirror. But that ISNT true.
   You are NOT going from normal weight to over weight, then yes... gaining fat might not be optimal. But you are going from underweight to a healthy weight. And you arent just gaining fat, if thats what you think... your bones are getting stronger, your hair and nails are growing, your organs are repairing themselves, your muscles becoming stronger - even if you might not physically be working them, your muscles are getting energy. Water weight, bone density, a little fat which redistributes itsself, muscle, organs etc...
  No its not just fat you are gaining.

And no, you cant just gain muscle mass without putting on a little fat. Unless you have super help frmo a PT who knows perfectly what they are doing.
  But also, from what i have read from many people emailing me.... those of you who email me wanting to gain muscle, arent actually eating enough for it. Eating low calories while exercising lots and hoping for muscle gain isnt how it works. For me, i had to eat lots more, cut out most cardio and focus on HEAVY weights & of course 1-2 rest days a week for best recovery for my muscles.
 
But you need to ask yourself... do you just want to build muscle so that you weigh more on the scale? Thats another way of cheating the scale.
   You can try to lie your way to a healthy weight, But you cant trick your body. If you have muscles and very little fat procent, and have a 'healthy' weight because of your muscles... your body knows better. You might not get your period if you are a girl... granted, guys can have a much lower fat procent and more muscles without being unhealthy. But for females, we NEED a certain fat procent. Its healthy... there is nothing wrong with it.
   To have some tummy rolls or fat you can 'pinch' there is nothing wrong with that.

And i KNOW it can seem awful that girls and guys on IG and other social media sites are supposedly recovering but seem to do a hellalot of exercise, running several times a week and eating salad and veggies... Ive been there... in BOTH situations. The girl jealous of everyone else in recovery who was thinner than me exercising, but also been the girl running 7 days a week and eating salad while supposedly recovering.
  But i LEARNT my lesson... i realised what i was doing was wrong. But also, its left me with hip, knee and lowerback pain from all the exercise i was doing.
 
You need to realise that you arent going to turn fat just because you arent exercising. Infact, its healthier for you to wait until you reach your healthy weight to begin exercising - if thats what you want. Not everyone likes exercise, and thats perfectly fine aswell :)
  But when you are a healthy weight, your body will have more energy. It will have the proper fuel and energy for your workouts. It wont break down muscles to try to fuel your exercise. But also, you will nourish yourself better as well. Your body wont fight against you, or be under loads of pressure to try to repair itsself. It will feel and be healthy.
  
Also, there is a consequence if you  are a girl that too much exercise while recovering can lead to amenorrhea as your body is under so much stress from both trying to recover, and all the stress from exercise.
  And the longer your period is gone for, the less likely it is to come back..... so think of that. Many of the girls you see on IG who are exercising all the time, can actually be infertile as they have damaged themselves so much.
 
While i was sick, i had no interest for guys, sex or any of that.. and said that i would rather be infertile than have to eat or stop exercising. Now of course i am VERY happy that my body is healthy and functioning properly!

Here are some links to posts and information that might help you/inform you:
http://www.blog.drsarahravin.com/eating-disorders/exercise-caution-physical-activity-and-eating-disorder-recovery/

http://www.kartiniclinic.com/blog/post/exercise-and-the-severely-anorexic-patient/

http://eatingdisorder.org/blog/2013/07/more-more-more-the-dangers-of-excessive-exercise/

Workout progress photo

I put together this little collage, just to see how far ive actually come. Its so easy to see no difference, to feel like you are in the same position you were 2 years ago... feels like you've made no progress. Of course i know mentally i am very different!!! I used to do cardio 7 days a week, because i just didnt know any better and was still struggling.
   But sometimes i look at myself and just think...i feel so skinny, now theres nothing wrong with being naturally skinny, alot of people like that look... but i guess you've figured that that isnt exactly my ideal body. I prefer feeling and looking strong.
   Sometimes i just feel like ive made no progress at all... like im just standing in the same position all the time, and granted, i have hit a plateau with my workouts recently. Because i just dont know what i want... at the start of the year i decided to focus solely on strength training as i wanted to build muscle, and i did. However now that its summer im doing more cardio, running more, walking more and i love it... but my body type already struggles to have muscles... im not someone who easily gets stronger. Its alot of work and effort behind it. And then when i do cardio, it sort of negates that...And this is an ongoing struggle i have... because i LOVE running & walking. But i also love strength training, and feeling strong... And im sure i can do both, but then i need to make sure that i actually am eating enough.. i almost need proffessional help so that i know what and how long etc...
  But anyway.. i feel i need to sit down and consider what my workout goals are. I mean im still going to workout anyway, because it makes me happy. It makes me feel good... but soemtimes its good to have a goal. I have my 10km run in August, so i really need to start preparing for that.. just havent felt motivated to it. But apart from that, i dont have any real goals.... Which i guess is why it feels like im standing still.

Also there is this quote which goes: The day you started lifting is the day you become forever small. And i can tell you, that that is true.
  Its like i dont see how i actually look... almost like when you are sick, and you dont see how thin you are. I dont actually see how strong i supposedly look... my sister tells me i look like ive gotten stronger. I dont se it at all... which also makes me question if i have even changed, or if i still look the same as 2012...

^^Hahah, just a little workout update, i guess?
  But here is my progress picture, from 2012 (when i was first allowed to go to the gym) and then today 2014!!

Typical Swedish Brekfasts

The Nordic countries have a reputation, and are known as being very healthy countries. Sweden is known for how active and healthy people are... though that of course doesnt mean that the whole country is running a marathon everyday. But also, because of so much 'healthy and healthy living' culture there is here, it does go overboard and there are many who develop eating disorders and orthorexia is very common as really, they are just trying to be 'healthy'.
   ^¨ That wasnt the post topic however.... But you will find alot of Swedish people wearing their work clothes & also trainers as they do alot of walking. There are standing desks & you can find salad bars in most food shops. But just as you can find salad everywhere, you can find swedish candy /(i.e Pick N Mix) EVERYWHERE! haha... every food shop, little tobac shop etc you will find some candy ;)

So... onto swedish breakfasts ? :)

Ever since ive been little and visited Sweden on holiday ive found that breakfast has been a sort of family gathering time... this isnt the case for everyone, in Ireland we never ate breakfast together. But when we came to Sweden and were on holiday, it was always family time.
  The person/people who woke up earliest would put all the breakfast food on the table, put plates and bowls and then you'd wait for the others to wake up, or you would go wake them up!

Brekfast food was... and i guess still is:
Limpa (swedish bread that has syrup in it so its sweet) with butter and cheese or butter and caviar.
Or Polarbröd (another type of bread) with cheese and marmelade, or other toppings!
Yoghurt or sour milk with muslie (ive never found that cereal is so commonly eaten here)
Oatmeal with berries & milk
Hot chocolate - O'Boy (Mmmm.. childhood memories - I used to drink 3 of these in a row)
Hard boiled eggs with caviar
Black coffee is also a standard - i never liked black coffee but drank it that way when i wa sick, but now ive learnt to love it this way :)
Crisp bread is also typical :)






^^Not my photos

What country are YOU from, and what is the typical breakfasts there? :)

breakfast and how i spend my morning

Mornings to me are very special... I like having time to eat my breakfast. The worst thing i know is rushing around in the morning, barely having time to eat or get ready. So instead, i always give myself 90 minutes in the morning during school days... and even if im going somewhere i still get up around 80-90 minutes before i have to leave. This gives me time to get ready, make breakfast, eat breakfast. Read blogs, write blog posts. Get ready, drink another cup of coffee if needed. Take Daisy for a short walk & still have that 5 minute of just 'nothing time'. For me, that is the perfect start!
  But what i lov more, is the mornings - like now on my summer holiday where if i wake up and feel like going for a walk, whether its a 20 minutes walk or an 80 minute walk, i have time for that!!!

Im the type of person who gets ready before i eat breakfast... im always fully clothed and if im going somewhere, have my make up and hair done before i eat breakfast.
 Do you get dressed before or after breakfast?
Are you the type of person who just rushes in the morning?

Someday im planning to do a photo an hour post. Where i take a photo of what im doing every hour to show you how my day looks... but then i want to pick a day where im doing something, and not just at home :)

Below you see how my delicious breakfast looked this morning, which i enjoyed while writing this post :)
 And YES, that is apple pie for breakfast ;) Mmmmm






I know some of you wanted to know more about Sweden & Swedens culture, so im going to write a post about Typical swedish breakfast :)

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Food & Series watching

We all need those days where we really dont do anything. And today has been one of those days.

Like i wrote this morning, it was like my metabolism was on high speed... but my hunger has been very weird today. Gone from feeling like i could eat at an all you can eat buffet for 2 hours straight, and then eating some water melon or an egg sandwich and suddenly feeling really full... so today has just been a bunch of small meals every 1-2 hours. So almost like constant food? But thats what my body has needed today... no huge meals, just small portions frequently!

I did however make a delicious fruit platter which i enjoyed as one of my snacks!


Otherwise, apart from baking the apple cake i have watched LOTS of episodes of the series Hereos!
I watched a few episodes back in 2008 & 2009, but our internet was so slow back then that i could never follow the show. So im planning this summer to watch all 4 seasons...Internet series addicted?Yes, im not even denying it.
But when you are on your summer holiday and its grey and cold outside, whats better than to lie in bed and watch series :)
Apart from meeting friends and socializing anyway... but today i needed some me time!

Otherwise im going to try this new diet called Eating more! ^_^
I dont count calories or macros or track what i eat, but i know my body well enough and i know that right now... something is wrong with my body. I can feel it physically.
And im not sure what it is, so im going to see how much i actually eat, so that i dont overestimate, as that can be done. And ive recently realised how much i actually burn during my workouts, which shocked me alot. As i thought i burnt a 3rd of what i actually do.. meaning that i might just have to eat more. That might be why ive felt so hungry recently.
So it will be good to see if all that i need to do is eat more!! :)

I feel that i have such a fine balance in my body.. how i can tell so easily whether i lose or gain weight. Whether ive eaten something im intolerant to.. stress, bloating, hormones. Its like i can feel it.
And now i know that i need to change something in my diet... Just need to figure out what it is ;)

Here are some pictures from Daisy today ;)




^^Shes such a cutie, she just sleeps for most of the day apart from the times i go out for walks with her :)


Apple pie recipe

Today i decided to make an apple pie, to use the uneaten apples before they began to rot.
I followed THIS recipe, but made my own adaptions, and it turned out delicious :)
5 medium/small apples
2 eggs &; 1 dl egg whites
2 tbsp coconut oil
5 tbsp potatoe fiber/almond flour
4 tbs coconut flour
4 tbs vanilla PP (i use THIS one)
2-5tbsp stevia (or more, or less)
2 tsp baking powder
2+ tsp cinnamon + a little to sprinkle on the cake  ( i used ALOT of cinnamon)
1 pinch of vanilla powder or 1/2 teaspoon vanilla flavoring
2-3 tbs milk as the batter was too thick.
crust:
4-6dl oats
0,5-1dl quark
2-4tbs milk.
Stevia & cinnamon
1)  Heat the oven to 175 C.
2)Cut apple into thin slices.
3) Melt coconut oil and pour into a bowl. Add the other ingredients and beat with an electric mixer for a minute or so. Pour the batter into a greased baking pan- putting on the edges as well & top with apples.
4) Mix together oats & quark & milk if needed into a thick dough consistency. Spread ontop of the apples to create a lid.
Sprinkle with cinnamon and place in the oven. Bake for about 20-25 minutes, or until the cake has solidified somewhat. Remove and serve warm or cool. Serve with ice cream or custard.





Questbar review: Peanut butter cup

Peanut butter cup.
Sounds delicious right... you imagine like reeses peanut butter cups, right? (Though i dont actually like those ^_^)
But you imgaine a creamy chocolate & creamy peanut butter...

That however isnt the case with the quest peanut butter cups.
The chocolate outside is sort of powdery and the peanut butter is all crumbly, not smooth at all.
However, does this make them disgusting? Not at all...
Its a different taste. Some love these, others hate them. So its mixed reactions towards them.
I like them the way they are... they crumble alot, so a plate is needed. But let it sort of melt in your mouth, and its super delicious :)
Another way is to add it to yoghurt, or even make banana & peanut butter ice cream & break the peanut butter cup into the ice cream. :)
You dont have to eat it just the way it is.

What i like about it, is that you get 2 peanut butter cups.... so it lasts longer... sometimes. Othertimes i eat both at once ;) haha

Consistency: Crumbly... so needs a plate ;) haha. Hard to eat on the go.
Flavour: 3/5 not my favourite, but its still good to have at home when you are too lazy to make your own PB cups!
Aftertaste? A little...

in total: 3/5 
You can try it, but maybe dont put it on your number one list to try :)




Cooking questions

I got asked these questions in an email which i thought i would answer in a post :)

how often do you cook? Do you cook for yourself every meal and like bring your own lunch to school? How often do you eat outside?

How often i cook... it depends what type of cooking you mean.. now during my summer holidays i prepare my own lunch and 50% of the time my own dinner. And for lunches, im always super lazy as usually i eat lunch after my workout. So then i either have left overs from the night before or i just heat up some veggies, quorn products and if we have any chickpeas/quinoa/pasta or i just eat some crisp bread... Lazy lunch X 100. But i think thats ok during the summer holiday, i mean for lunch my mum and step dad just eat salad and some eggs or something, so i mean. I actually make a proper meal ;)

While im in school i always eat the lunch that is served, there are 3 options everyday, and if i dont like any of the options i.e if its sausage and vegetarian sausage being served then ill take yoghurt and ceral and crisp bread which is also there.
   During weekdays, when im in school i often come home late. And i usually eat a snack then, and sometimes dont eat dinner until maybe 8 or 9pm (and a night snack after.- ALWAYS!). And because everyone in my family has different time schedules, my mum and sister often eat early as they work during the evenings, my step dad doesnt come home until 5 or 6pm and eats something then. And i come home around 6 or 7pm most days apart frmo the days where i finish at like 1 or 2pm, then im home for maybe 3 or 4pm.
    So during school weeks 90% of the time i cook my own dinner. But i also try to have food boxes prepared, which i just reheat. So that i dont have to stand there cooking something for myself when i need to study and am tired.

How often i eat at restaurants... not often at all. Its not really our first priority at our house... instead we do big weekly food shops, and thats where our food money goes. But if i could, i would eat our 2 or 3 times a week because i enjoy it :)
  But i like to think more economic and might bring a lunch box with me if im going somewhere so that i dont have to buy food.





Saturday breakfast

Hello :)

Last night i ate my night snack at around 8pm, and then when i was going to bed at around 11pm i felt hungry, but at the same time not... it was a weird feeling. Like i couldnt distinguish if i wanted to eat more or not... 
  So instead i drank some water, felt a little satisfied and went to bed. However i woke up at 2.30am after having a very restless and anxious dream. My stomach was rumbling, and i knew that i just wasnt going to get back to sleep unless i ate something - i cant sleep if im hungry, and i wasnt planning to wait until morning time... I mean it was after 12am, so... yeah, new day. Its morning! haha
  So i got up and made myself some yoghurt with nuts and half a grapefruit which helped satisfy my stomach!!

When i woke up this morning my stomach was rumbling once again...So it was just to take a handful of nuts before i went out for a walk with daisy. (Dont like feeling full when i go for runs or walks - Personal preference). And then when i came home i made myself a big bowl of egg white oatmeal, cottage cheese, jam, blueberries, coconut milk & salted nuts. & An Aloe Vera drink. (Im going to write a review about these soon :))

My stomach feels a little satisfied... but i could easily eat more ;) haha. My metabolism is on fire today ^_^ 

^¨Doesnt look good, but tastes like oatmeal heaven (according to me anyway :))

Questbar Review: Strawberry Cheesecake

Strawberry cheesecake, doesnt it sound delicious?
And it tastes delicious as well!!

This flavour is minus the chunks, but tastes like dough!!
Does it taste exactly like strawberry cheesecake... not really. Like a dough version of it...?

The texture is soft like most of the questbars.
Flavour...well no mouth watering, i want more flavour. But its still yummy.

Its not one of my favourites... it just doesnt have that Wow, im going to eat 5 of these in a row factor!
Though i havent eaten this flavour in a while, so maybe ive just forgotten how it tastes? haha
i should really have written the review while, or just after eating the bar.

I havent tried heating it up either, though if im honest... i cant imagine it would taste so good, but who knows.

What i CAN imagine this bar will taste good with... is actually making it into small cheesecakes.
Using the bar as the base, then mixing together some cream cheese, vanilla powder, some greek yoghurt and strawberries and putting it into the freezer... im sure that would be really yummy!
Ok... now ive just made myself crave this bar, and i think i need to go buy this flavour! hahaah XD

I give this flavour 3/5
^Not my picture^^



Friday, June 27, 2014

Fruit-y night snack

Today when we went food shopping i loaded the cart with fresh fruit and vegetables!!One of my favourite things about summer is all the summer fruit that has come into season, and all the fresh vegetables! I love it ^_^
 
This evening my night snack is: 1 grapfruit, watermelon (and even more afterwards!), cherries, a small quark pot & of course some dark chocoalte (cant live without it!) and an aloe vera drink!!
  Delicious x100.

Food = life. & my favourite part of the day :)

(I think i should turn into a food blogger or something, as i have such a love for good food ;))