Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, May 15, 2014

People who have an eating disorder hate food.

One of the myths about eating disorders is that people who are sick hate food. I laugh at this, this is one of the least true things. For me, i didnt hate food. Infact, i loved food.  I mean i spent my time thinking about food, baking, making food for others, thinking about the food i would eat if i let myself... but i didnt let myself. So instead i made food for others, watched as others ate. 

For me, i could stand and bake for hours but yet not eat a single thing and then just watch as others ate. I would gladly make my sister sandwiches, it was like i got comfort knowing that others were eating, and then i got a little thrill when i myself didnt eat.
   But i loved food. I made lists of foods which i wouldnt and would eat. And then foods which i wished i could eat. I knew something was wrong with me, but i still didnt want to admit that i had an eating disorder. I just thought i was being good for not eating, for cutting out so many things from my diet.

The myth that people who have an ED hate food is NOT true. Infact food can become the one focus of someone who has an ED, because it becomes there no. 1 focus. All they think about is food.
   Not eating is a symptom of an eating disorder, its that they are scared to eat.

For me, i loved food, i wished i could eat. But the anxiety, panic and guilt of eating & the voice in my head telling me i was fat was too much, and it made me not eat. So that i wouldnt have to get anxiety or feel guilty. Though i got those feelings anyway.

You need to go against the thoughts in your head, because you do like food. No matter how much yu convince yourself you dont... i mean those people who jsut live on air or sun energy? Who are they kidding? Its in human nature to love food, to want to eat. Of course, it happens where you dont feel hungry and you can feel  disgusted at the thought of food and eating, that happend to me. But still, there were many moments when i wished that i could eat B&J ice cream or to eat a cheese sandwich.
   Infact i remember writing a post in 2010 where i wrote all the B&J ice cream flavours, the ones i had tried and the ones i wanted to try. And actually felt upset because i didnt think i would ever get to try them because i wasnt letting myself eat. I thought iw ould never be able to eat ice cream again, and it actually made me sad, even though the voice in my head just told me that that was a good thing. Which its NOT. Because i do love B&J ice cream ;)

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