Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, May 31, 2014

Suggest a topic/Ask me questions!!

You might have realised that at the moment i am lacking blog motivation (Whenever i dont know what to write about, loads of food pictures come up :) )
  In general at the moment i am lacking inspiration, but also motivation to sit and type.. haha, dont even have motivation to write my assignments or answer any type of emails, whether its school, personal, blog.... Not sure why im feeling this way.
Because really i do have topic ideas, its just actualy finding time and motivation to write about them...

But i thought it would be fun if you suggest topics or ASK ME QUESTIONS!! (Can be about anything, my past, health, food, exercise, personal etc :)

Green smoothie time!

Hello :)

Ive written about it several times, but i am slightly intolerant to lactose (my mum,sister, aunt and dad) are all lactose intolerant, so its not exactly strange that i am showing signs of it aswell... however i have pretty much refused to give up dairy! haha But i am successively cutting down ;) Finding new alternatives.
  And recently i have been craving fruit, veggies and green smoothies like crazy!! Which is strange as i eat so many veggies as it is, but ive got to listen to my body :)
   Ive also decided to make more green smoothies, because they both sound and look delicious! So if you have any good green smoothie recipes, comment or email me :)

Todays snack consisted of a green smoothie (turned purple!) made out of: Spinach, broccolli, blueberries, vanilla yoghurt, almond milk, pear & vanilla protein powder, 2 small pears & appelsauce!! And it actually turned out delicious :) You could barely taste the broccolli or spinach (but asi  like the taste of the, it doesnt really matter!) & carrots, an apple, an egg & a few squares of dark chocolate (Standard!) & a green tea :)

I actually realised afterwards that i should have added some coconut oil to my smoothie, i am sure that would have tasted amazing && added some healthy fats to my snack as well ;)


Just wondewring how many emails do you get a day?
Anything form 5-20 emails a day ;)

 do you liike answering emails?
It depends what type of emails, hahah!! But if you are talking about blog emails, i dont mind answering them :) If i didnt lke it, i wouldnt be so open with people being able to contact me if they need help. However it can take longer to reply sometimes depending on how im feeling, and what is going on in my life :)

 how long have you been blogging?
I started blogging in 2009, but all my posts are gone from then. But i officially started bloggin at the start of 2010 ;)

 have you ever thought about not blogging? 
Sometimes i think about stopping blogging, but i really dont know what i would do with my free time then :) And sometimes i just really want to share my yummy food, or something that happend, or write about something that happend in my day! And i like connecting and helping people. :)

do your family know you blog? 
Yes ;) I think my sister reads my blog :) And my parents know, so do my best friends, but not my like school friends! I dont often take pictures of food and that (apart from snacks or breakfast) but when i do, or when i ask say my sister to take a picture of me, they dont ask... because they know im not being 'ego' or that its a sick thing, but because i have my blog :)

do your friends know you blog?
I answered this above!

 whats your favourite about blogging?
I like helping people, knowing that i can make people choose recovery and health!!! Getting to know people all around the world :) Ive had readers all over the world say they want to meet me, and if im ever in their country :) And thats pretty cool!!

 how do you think your life woud be without it?
I could almost write a post about this, but i think the whole me would be different! I dont think i would have been so motivated on helping others as i am now, but also more confidence and body confidence, as i post pictures of myself. But also gotten support, and when i was half recovered, i didnt want to let any of my readers down. Which was one of the reasons i kept fighting for health!!

Yiu don't rite alot about cf maybe you could write how life is with ut? how does it affect you? make you different? how was recovery and an ED with your cf? just curious! yiu really inspire me. And think you have come so far!

Thank you so much :) Im planning on writing about my CF, so a post should be up soon (hopefully!) :)

Comparison is not going to make you happier

Yesterday evening before i went to bed i found myself starting to compare myself with others... of pictures of other girls i saw online. Thinking how good they look, while me.... So much wrong, and flaws with me....

But i stopped my trail of thoughts there and reminded myself that the pictures i see online, they are just pictures. Everybody is different, but also the pictures can have been photoshopped, the people flexing, stnading in a certain position, lighting etc etc
 I cant compare myself to just one picture? 80% of the time (or more!!) i dont compare myself with others, i can look at pictures of others and just see it as a picture... see the person as a person. Not sit and wish i had a thigh gap, or my stomach looked that way etc etc This is because i am happy in my body... i like the way i look and i dont feel the need to look another way, or change my body. And i think that is the key to happiness, to feel happy in your own body (and even your life!!)

Its those that are insecure about their bodies and have low self esteem that compare themselves to others, making their self esteem and body hate even lower. But its also those that dont like themselves or their bodies that hate on others!! Because for the most part, people who are happy in their bodies dont feel the need to bring others down or critisize people.
  Infact when i do get critic here on my blog, i dont take it personally because i know that the person who commented obviously doesnt feel so good about themselves, so feels the need to try to bring me down or put their anger or hate on someone else.

Comparison steals peoples joy... they get so caught up in wishing they looked like someone else and hating themselves that they cant feel happy. Because they think they have to look a certain way to be happy. But thats not true. Your happiness shouldnt be dependant on how your stomach looks, or what your weight is... those things dont really matter so much. There is more to life than whether you have a flat stomach, six pack abs or a thigh gap. And its important to remember this.

Start to love yourself, instead of wishing to look/be someone else.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Food heaven!!!

When you cant have ben & jerrys, then you might as well make the best of what you have at home. And i think i hit the jackpot!!!
  I just went to food heaven with this meal!!

Chocolate mousse, strawberry quark, raspberries & granola. And a questbar on the side!! ^_^I think this is going to be my standard night snack... or just eat this 6 times a day!!!

Taco dinner!

One of my favourite foods is definitely Tacos!! (Other favourite meals are sushi, chicken and sweet potatoe, a yummy salad etc)
And here in Sweden its almost tradition to eat Tacos every Friday, and well Im not one to break a tradition :) So tacos for dinner tonight :):)

Whats your favourite dinner food ? :)

P.s can someone come with some B&J for me... im really craving it ;) ;) (hahah, might have to send my parents to the shop!! ^_^Unless i go myself ;))

Questbar Review: Cookie dough

A few weeks ago i said i would do some questbar reviews... and here is my first one :)
   I am a self confessed Questbar addict!! hahah, once you start, its hard to stop. Though i feel that either you love them or you hate them (sort of) some people say that it has an aftertaste, or a bit of a synthetic taste... but i personally love them.
  I havent tried all of them, there is one or two which i havent tried... so i want to buy a mixed box to try them all.

I usually buy my questbars seperate in stores here in Sweden, its more expensive to buy them seperatly, but i find that when i buy them in boxes, or like i have before but 1-3 boxes at a time... i end up eating 1-3 questbars a day O_O And really, that isnt so good for my stomach... (theres alot of fiber in them ^_^ ) So i prefer to buy 1 or 2 when im craving them :)

Today i  ate a cookie dough questbar as part of my snack, and it is one of my favourites.... i cant quite decide if its my favourite or not? But the top 3 anyway!

Taste: It is soft, tastes exactly like cookie dough though less sweet. It has delicious chocolate chunks!! 5/5
Filling: I think questbars are one of the only bars that are actually filling... so many protein bars like swebars, nutrinick, atkinbars just leave me hungry.... infact atkinbars i find are too sweet, and can make me want to eat another... of course 50% of the time i want to eat another questbar, but thats just because its so delicious, but its one of the best bars to have with you when you need a filling, nutrious snack while on the go. Or perfect as a pre/post workout or a morning snack to have in school :)

I give this one 5/5 and would definitely reccommend it as the first flavour you try :)

^^And no i havent changed nailpolish in all 3 pictures :) They are taken at different times!!!


Sometimes i would love to be a dog :) To lie in bed all day, go for long walks, sleep some more... eat some food :)
But then again, i guess i like being a human :) Choosing when i go out and for how long. What i eat and when ieat :)
And really, if i want to i can stay in bed all day.

But dogs just seem to have a stress free life :)

Do you have any animals?
Are you an animal lover? :)

Snacks i eat

Lack of ideas and dont know what to post, so here is a picture of some snacks ive eaten/eat :)

All photos mine!

Being healthy is about living healthy, not trying to be the healthiest but forgetting to live

Don’t get so caught up in trying to live the “healthiest” and longest life possible that you forget to LIVE.
Staying in good health isn’t an end in and of itself. The PURPOSE of living in a healthier body is the ability to DO more with it. Love more. Play more. Use it for good (or mischief, you little buggers). Getting a fitter body is about more than just HAVING one. You gotta put it to good use.
It’s super easy to fall in love with healthy living: it’s addictive, it’s fun and the benefits are wicked. But if you’re spending more time in the gym than with the people you love or have become so restrictive with your eating that there is no room for spontaneity or JOY, you may want to re-prioritize.
Healthy living = healthier bodies. Healthier bodies = the ability to DO more for longer. Doing more, for longer = the MAIN purpose of healthy living. Don’t forget it.

^^I found this and im planning to write a post about this topic.... how people want to be healthy, exercising and eating healthy... but end up forgetting to live life as well. Because they get so caught up with their running and salads.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Food, cleaning and bloating.

I thought i would write a little update of my day, which really hasnt been that exciting!! ^_^
  After my long run this morning i really havent done much... i did a big clean of my room, where i went through all my drawers, boxes, papers and sorted everything out. So now my room is almost sparkling from the cleaness... How long it will last, im not so sure :)
Apart from that i have done some baking with the few ingredients we have at home (look at my previous post!), and then preceded to clean the whole kitchen before i began making a late dinner.
  Also today i have watched countless episodes of Brooklyn Nine- Nine!! My new favourite series :) I have pretty mjuch binge watched it all day ;) But thats what days off school are for, right? :)

Also, one of the most asked questions i get via comments or emails is about bloating. The past few weeks i think i have answered between 1-5 questions/emails everyday regarding just this... bloating.
   I have no problem answering, but im thinking its better to try to write a long, sort of detailed post about it!!

Bloating is normal, its how the body works. When you wake up in the morning, most times you arent bloated because your stomach is empty, but by the end of the evening your belly looks alot bigger. That happens for most people, unless you are eating practically nothing, and not drinking anything either.
  Of course you can wake up bloated - as i did this morning... (it doest look it, but actually i did wake up bloated from all of yesterdays food :))
  I took a picture this morning (left) when i woke up - had drank a glass or two of water. And the picture to the right (after lots of food & water!) (if i were to push out my belly, it would look like i am 6 month pregnants! But in the picture to the right, i am trying to stand straight, and hold in my core... and thats the best i look ) ;)
    So remember, bloating is normal. Even those 'super fit or super slim' people bloat. Though i highly doubt they would ever post a picture of it.

I always feel embarrassed posting these types of photos... hahaha XD How many thousands of people see this? But sure, im only human. This is how my body is, and how i look most evenings. And its nothing to be ashamed or embarassed about either :)

Food tips!!

I dont know how it is in your house, but in my house we do a big food shopping once a week - usually on Fridays. So on Thursdays and Fridays, its all about using whats left, which isnt much. However what i have learned is that you really dont need alot to make somethign really tasty :)

As long as you have basic things like oatmeal or flour, milk, eggs/egg whites and things like dates then you can make some sort of snacks and breakfast.
Today using what we had left i made a baked oatmeal pancake, 'apricot, coconut and date' balls & 'coconut, apriot and chocolate bars!'

The ingredients i used for the baked oatmeal pancake was just oatmeal flour, mix of milk and almond milk, egg whites (I've gotten asked why i use egg whites and not eggs, its because i buy 'egg whites in a bottle' as its cheaper and its perfect to use when i bake things like this, and also buying eggs cost alot... so when i need between 4-6 eggs, its better ot just use 1-2dl egg whites ;)), baking powder & some funlight to give it flavour. Into the oven until it was no longer 'wet' and there... a perfect, yummy baked oatmeal pancake :)

And for the raw balls, and bars i just mixed together apricots, dates, shredded coconut, a little bit of tahini and for the chocolate bars i added some cacao powder :)
Other easy things you can make with basic ingredients is mugcakes, banana & egg pancakes, veggie burgers (as simple as shredded carrots & zuchinni, eggs and flour!) or egg muffins.

    There are even simple microwave bread recipes you can make with oatmeal, egg, some milk and into the microwave!!

Just some tips for you who are either on a budget, or dont know what to make/eat with few ingredients :)

Ohhh.. also banana and oatmeal cookies!! (Add raisins or chocolate chips for extra taste!) And if you have berries, milk and eggs you can make 'protein fluff/egg white fluff'!!

^¨Both pictures from before:)

Answer (repost)

How did your family react when you were sent again to the hospital after trying to overdose? I mean, how did they treat you, what did you have to go through after that? Did things get better? I guess I'm asking for specifics because I am there now... Everyone thinks I'm crazy for doing what I do. I don't deserve to live. I feel so much guilt because they don't have the money to keep me here and they shouldn't have to spend their money on me when they could be doing better things with it. They treat me like I'm fragile, and I hate it. They treat me like you would treat a scared animal, and I hate it. I don't want to be weak. I'm not weak. I'm strong. They can't take that away from me.
I guess I just want someone to understand, and it seems like you do. You've been where I am, and I just want to know that it's normal for them to treat me like I'm toxic and I want to know it's normal what I'm going through. I want to stop feeling like a burden and a freak.

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time at the moment. But know that it is possible to get better.
My mum knew i was depressed, she knew how much i was struggling, but it was almost like she had given up on me at that point. She felt that she couldn't deal with me anymore, that she wanted me to just be at Mando. To get better before i was allowed home. That was one reason why i felt so awful, because i knew that i wasn't getting better. And i was letting everyone down.
  But when i had overdosed, it was like she realised how sick i really was, and that something had to change. That what was being done, wasn't enough. 
  I was still a patient at Mando at the time, but once they heard that i had overdosed, they told me that i wasn't allowed to be a patient there. That i should be moved to a psychiatric ward. But my mum knew that that wouldn't help me... I had already been in a psychiatric ward, and that was the reason we moved to Sweden, because the care there wasn't helping me at all.
  So my mum took loads of control, and really began to support me. To help me in any way she could... but at the time, that was just to keep me at Mando, and to keep me safe from myself.
It took a long time before it got better, infact, i just got worse from that point on. Because i then planned my next attempt at suicide. After my OD, i was on complete lock down. I had been an inpatient at Mando at the time, but i was slowly progressing to be allowed home - even if i wasnt getting better.
  But then suddenly i was back at stage 0. Where all the staff had their eyes on me. I was in a wheelchair. I wasn't allowed to be on my own at all. And i just felt i couldn't cope with that anymore, that had been the reason i had tried to take my life in the first place...
  so anyway... long story short. It got alot worse before it got better. 

But finally, i hit rock bottom. Physically and mentally. I had continued to lose weight, and mentally and physically i was at my worst point and i realised, i couldn't do it anymore. I just couldn't be sick... that being sick was worse than atleast trying to recover.
  One of my motivation/reasons to recover was my sister. She had the life i wanted... she went to school. SHe had a group of friends, a boyfriend. She went to parties. She had fun, she ate when she wanted to, without guilt. She was pretty, happy and loved living life (and of course still is!!) She she motivated me (even if she didnt, and still doesnt know it) to recover.

At the time, no one could understand why i did what i did. Of course they understood i was depressed and very sick. But if you haven't had an ED or been depressed, it is very hard to understand why someone would self harm or try to end their life.
My mum is the only one who knew about my OD. My sister was away that weekend, so my mum decided not to tell her, and she never told my dad either as she knew that he would freak out and demand that i move back to Ireland, even though that wouldn't have helped me at all.

Its understandable how your family are acting around you.. i mean, they might not be able to understand why you did what you did. And they don't want to be the one to push you over the edge again. So they are being careful around you. Because you do have to understand that you are fragile, mentally and physically... even if you tell yourself that you are not.
   You don't always need to be the strong one. The one who doesn't need any help. Sometimes all you need to do is to accept the help - which is something that took a very long time for me to learn. But that is what is needed in recovery .To accept the help, and to stop telling yourself that you are not sick, or not worth help.
  Because you are worth help. And sometimes what you need to do is to admit that you actually need help, and that you are not strong. 
  That is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you are taking your own health seriously. That you are brave, courageous... doing something that scares you.

It is normal what you are going through, but it is also normal for your family to react that way around you. They dont know what else to do.

If the way your family are acting around you bothers you, then talk to them. But do try to accept the help you are getting at hospital, because you do need it. And you are not going to feel better, if you just do everything wrong and push everyone away.
  Things do get better, i promise you that, but you have to be the one who wants things to get better. Things dont just magically change, you have to make the change for the better. You can't sit and hope that magically something will make everything better.

Please remember, that it is not strength to commit suicide or to push everyone away. Strength is admitting that you are weak, to actually admit that you have fears or need help.

If you need any help or have any more questions, you can ask me, or email me. 
  I am here to help if you need it, or just someone to rant to, or someone to understand what you are going through.

Adventure run!!

This morning when i woke up and saw that the sun was shining, the first thing on my mind was to go for a run!!
   I had training pain in my legs, and blisters on my heels, but i just felt that energy in my body, my mind was ready to go for a run!! My goal was to do a long distance run, c.a 20km. But i had no route i would follow, i decided to instead have a bit of an adventure run (which is my favourite type of running!!). Not know where i was going, just take random paths and hope to arrive somewhere!! This is one thing i love about running, the freedom... my feet just taking me somewhere, knowing that i can always run back, or run home again!!
   I took lots of different paths and when i had finally gotten this flow, where i was going a really good pace, my breathing was good and then suddenly i take a path to the right and end up back to where i started`?? hahah However, i was not ready to finish running so i just back tracked and took some different paths, and finally i came to an area which i knew and ran home again!!
  My total being 15,5km :) (With a few pauses as my blisters were starting to open and a few pauses to walk!) This is infact the longest i have run since last summer and it felt really good :) Both in my legs and my lungs!!
   A tip from me : If you want to improve your speed or endurance in running, do Intervals or High intensity interval training!! This has helped me lots :)

Today i am going to try my best to get some studying done and later i am going to have to use my foam roller for my sore legs!! ^_^

Stretches to do after running!!!

Feels strange posting this, but for you who was wandering about it!! Here you go :)

And like i said in my previous post, if you have any tips or want to see more videos, let me know as i found itquite fun to fix with the video (i used to make loads of videos and photoshop etc while i was sick, so might start finding my creativity again!!) :)