Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Exercise addiction - not wanting to sit down.

As i said in a post a few days ago ive gotten some emails and questions about people not wanting to sit, or getting anxious after sitting for long periods of time.
   And i used to be the exact same way.... while i was sick, from the moment i got up - often around 5am until i got into bed around 11pm (but wouldnt fall asleep until later... a sick thing, i wouldnt let myself sleep), i wouldnt sit down. I would either be exercising or standing. I was soooo scared of sitting. I constantly wanted to burn calories, even if my legs were tired i would be standing on my 2 feet. It came to the stage where i didnt even know why i didnt want to sit down, i just knew that i couldnt and wouldnt.
   I avoided ever taking the train/bus with people i knew - because i didnt want to sit down. I wasnt allowed a door to my room at home - because of my exercise addiction so i would lock myself in the bathroom.
  Even at Mando, whenever i got the chance i would be up and exercising or standing.

This sounds crazy to many, and even crazy to me now.... Sitting, one of the most human things we do. The most natural things.
   We sit to eat, we sit and have meetings, we sit and have conversations wtih people, we sit in classrooms etc etc
  Though yes, there has come loads of new information about how sitting all the time isnt good. But this is a whole different thing - and i want to avoid talking about that as it could trigger many. But the fact is, you need to find the balance - when you are healthy.
  When you are healthy - at a healthy weight then you will be active during the days. Walking to and from class rooms, or at work. Maybe going shopping or walking a bus station. You might go to the gym, do yoga, dance, go for walks etc....
  Somedays you might do absaloutly nothing... just move from the bed, to the sofa and back to the bed. Thats ok, thats how some days are. But the majority of the time, you do have daily activity and even some exercise - which is reccommended. But that is a whole different story from when you are recovering.

When you are recovering and trying to gain weight, you want to avoid all extra activity/exercise. You are NOT being lazy by sitting and asking someone else to get you a glass of water... you're doing something helpful to YOUR health.
  You have to try to focus on your own goal, which is recovering and gaining weight. You are not overweight or lazy or fat... You are trying to recover from your eating disorder.
  Avoid TV shows/magazines/sites etc where they just talk about exercise because that wont help you. While i was recovering, i didnt follow any of those types of things, but in the past while the amount of fitspo IG's and Tumblrs has increased by like 200%... verywhere people talking about exericse. And yes it CAN be triggering, but you need to get some sort of distance from all of that.

So onto the anxiety over sitting. You need to ask yourself why you CANT sit down?
  What will happen? Will you gain weight ? Balloon up? No, you wont. And you wont gain weight just by sitting down, or not being active. Gaining weight is abiout what you eat... and if you need to gain weight then you need to eat MORE.
You need to face the anxiety over sitting down. Because the fact is, sitting down is part of our culture... when you are in school or work, thats what you do. And its OK!!
  You need to face the voice in your head that says you cant sit down.... face the anxiety and panic involved.

My tip is to basically take it in 30-60 minute intervals to begin with. After EVERY meal, make sure you rest and sit 30-60 minutes... NO fidgeting. NO tapping of feet. NO muscle tension... just relaxing. And afterwards NO compensation.
  ^^ None of those things will help you.
Read a book, watch a series, watch a film etc

Then, try sitting/resting both BEFORE AND AFTER a meal. Do something calm and gets your mind off of the voices in your head.
  Spend time with friends and family, they are your EDs worst enemies!! Sit and talk with them.

You need to constantly go against the voice in your head. DONT eat less and DONT exercise more just because you sit and relax more during the days. Its ok to do that.

While i was sick i avoided friends and family, anything that meant that i couldnt exercise or meant that i had to eat. But some of those things which i absaloutly feared and hated i love now!
  •   Like sitting in cafes and talking for hours!! Thats the best thing i know.
  • Going to the cinema!!! :)
  • Going to a library, sitting there for a few hours and studying with friends! (Ok, studying isnt that fun, but just being there with friends, half studying!!!)
  • Picnics!!!
  • Lying in bed and watching a film :)
And just like i like those things, i also love running, walking, exercising. But i have a balance of the two!! And tthats the important thing!!

This post was actually really hard to write.... Because i cant really remember how i got rid of my obsession with standing... or i think it was mainly because i was an inpatient and i couldnt exericse or stand. But then when i did get permission home, i was supervised and also i realised standing all the time isnt normal.
  I am a very restless person and do have lots of energy - which can be hard at times when all i want to do is jump up, go running, do cartwheels (even though i cant do them) do headstands etc!!! But my family and friends are so used to that so they dont find it strange (especially not my family) if i suddenly just go and do a splits or something ;) hahahah

I know this post might not be so helpful, but hopefully it gets you fighting those thoughts in your head and makes your realise that its OK to sit down and relax. You arent doing anytihng wrong and you arent going to gain weight from that. Its a hard battle to recover, but you will be so much stronger afterwards!!

1 comment:

  1. Hej Izzy och TACK för att du tagit upp detta, då jag har svårt att sitta ner... Men har läst en MASSA artiklar om att stillasittande är som dagens rökning och livsfarligt, även om man tränar regelbundet. Hur ska man hantera detta? Hur ser du på den saken? :/ Försöker nu stå så mycket som möjligt och har svårt att sitta längre stunder.
    Du är bäst! Kram!