Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Friday, January 31, 2014


I think i died and went to food heaven!!!
  This bowl of deliciousness was soooo goood :) 

'Proteinfluff' with blueberry muffin tea!! Yummm

Taco Friday

Heeelllloooo :)
    Finally the weekend!! Time to rejoice!!

Today has been alot better than yesterday. Infact yesterday i was like, Im not going to school tomorrow. I was 99% set on writing myself as absent for today... but that little 1% that new that, i cant miss school won. And so i set my alarm for 6am, ready for a school day.
  And even if i woke up tired and maybe not so willing to go to school im glad i did!!

The day has passed extremely quick, even though Fridays are one of the worst and longest days... but with lots of laughter and jokes with my friends the day just flew by... and i also got to finish 30 minutes earlier than usual as i had already finished my work ;)
Today for lunch, i thought that it would be tacos for lunch... but when we got to the canteen it was not infact tacos... and the vegetarian option was not appealing, and the fish option was supposed to be a salmon and vegetable curry but all that was left was curry sauce and litle bits of vegetables.... So lunch wasnt exactly the best today. -_-

^^^Daisy when i got home!! I have the feeling that she has been sleeping all day ;)

When i got home i had the hosue all to myself, and then when it came dinner time i began cooking food for myself but just as i was cooking my mum and P and my sister come home, and carrying lots of food shopping!! Ahhhhh!! Fooooooddd :)

  And they were planning on making Tacos, and of course i had to have tacos! So now i already have lunch cooked  for me tomorrrow anyway ;)

This evening im planning on watching Shutter Island, one of my favourite films :)

How are you spending your Friday evening? :)

5 things about me

Something which i still find so strange is that people actually want to read about me....  About my day, what i do, how i'm feeling etc
   To me, it feels like everyone just reads my blog to get tips to recover... or to feel less alone - to have someone to relate to. Which of course might be the reason for some. But ive been getting more requests to write more about me...  About myself etc

The truth is....  There really isnt so much to write about myself!! haha XD  I feel like any other teenage girl. I go to school, i stress and worry about thing unneccesarily, i love working out, i have an apetite like a teenage boy..... haha, and im still a single pringle... and ready to mingle ;)

But i will take onboard your suggestions and try to write more personal posts... Write food diaries, what i did etc etc  But remember, if theres anything you want to know, its just to ask :)

Here are 5 things you might not know about me:

  1. I hate showers and baths (unhygenic, i know? ;)).... When i was younger i would literally spend an hour in the bath or shower 5-6 times a week. Now, i only have 5 minutes showers as i cant stand showering.... however, i do seem to make alot of life deicisions while showering? 
  2. I support the football team Chelsea ;) - and my middle name is Chelsea (It was my dads choice - after the football team, however there is a really long story that goes with it!)
  3. No one actually calls me by my real name... they all call me Izzy - even some teachers :)
  4. Once i decide something, there is no changing my mind. And i do all i can to fulfill my goals/do what i had decided/set my mind to do.
  5. At first i come across as shy.... but once you get to know me you realise that i am alot different than what my first impression seemed... i am the quiet silent/evil one ;) haha

Yummy food

I will - tips for improving body image

10 "Will Powers" for Improving Body Image

By: Michael Levine, PhD and Linda Smolak, PhD
I WILL ask myself: “Am I benefiting from focusing on what I believe are flaws in my body weight or shape?”
I WILL think of three reasons why it is ridiculous for me to believe that thinner people are happier or “better.” I will repeat these reasons to myself whenever I feel the urge to compare my body shape to someone else’s.
I WILL spend less and less time in front of mirrors—especially when they are making me feel uncomfortable and self-conscious about my body.   
I WILL exercise for the joy of feeling my body move and grow stronger. I will not exercise simply to lose weight, purge fat from my body, or to “make-up” for calories I have eaten.
I WILL participate in activities that I enjoy, even if they call attention to my weight and shape.I will constantly remind myself that I deserve to do things I enjoy, like dancing, swimming, etc., no matter what my shape or size is!
I WILL refuse to wear clothes that are uncomfortable or that I do not like but wear simply because they divert attention from my weight or shape. I will wear clothes that are comfortable and that make me feel at home in my body.
I WILL list 5 to10 good qualities that I have, such as understanding, intelligence, or creativity. I will repeat these to myself whenever I start to feel bad about my body.
I WILL practice taking people seriously for what they say, feel, and do. Not for how slender, or “well put together” they appear.
I WILL surround myself with people and things that make me feel good about myself and my abilities. When I am around people and things that support me and make me feel good, I will be less likely to base my self-esteem on the way my body looks.
I WILL treat my body with respect and kindness. I will feed it, keep it active, and listen to its needs. I will remember that my body is the vehicle that will carry me to my dreams! 

Laxative abuse

Something which is common with people in eating disorders is laxative abuse, as a way to get rid of food, or to feel empty.
   I had a period where i abused laxatives, though it was a fairly short period.

However, when i was first diagnosed with anorexia i was accused of abusing laxatives though at the time i wasnt really... or i was using them everyday - which i guess you could call abuse, as they shoulnt be used everyday unless actually needed. But it wasnt until later stages while i was in treatment that i began abusing laxatives.
   Long term abuse of laxatives can have some serious consequences - it can permanently ruin your digestive system so that you can either not keep anything down, or not keep anything in. Or you can become completely relient on laxatives, so that you can't go to the bathroom without them....
Just like self harm, purging, over exercising you are harming yourself... you are trying to get rid of anxiety. Trying to feel empty or punish yourself for eating. But please before you do any of these behaviours Stop and think.
   What will happen if i dont do this? What will happen if i just sit and relax, fight the anxiety and not resort to bad ED behaviours? 
  By not resoting to bad behaviours, by talking to somone to doing something else you fight your ED. You fight the anxiety and you know what, You win and become stronger. And it will become easier.
So please, if today, tomorrow or any oother day that you feel loads of anxiety, or are going to self harm/abuse laxatives/purge/exercise as a way of compensation or guilt, then just stop and think of this post... think of my words and ask yourself, Is it worth it? 

Here is some information about laxative abuse, so that if you do abuse them you can rethink your actions!

Laxative Abuse: Some Basic Facts

What is laxative abuse?
Laxative abuse occurs when a person attempts to get rid of unwanted calories, lose weight, “feel thin,” or “feel empty” through the repeated, frequent use of laxatives.  Often, laxatives are misused following eating binges, when the individual mistakenly believes that the laxatives will work to rush food and calories through the gut and bowels before they can be absorbed.  But that doesn’t really happen. Unfortunately, laxative abuse is serious and dangerous – often resulting in a variety of health complications and sometimes causing life-threatening conditions.
What is the laxative myth?
The belief that laxatives are effective for weight control is a myth.  In fact, by the time laxatives act on the large intestine, most foods and calories have already been absorbed by the small intestine.  Although laxatives artificially stimulate the large intestine to empty, the “weight loss” caused by a laxative-induced bowel movement contains little actual food, fat, or calories.  Instead, laxative abuse causes the loss of water, minerals, electrolytes and indigestible fiber and wastes from the colon.  This “water weight” returns as soon as the individual drinks any fluids and the body re-hydrates.  If the chronic laxative abuser refuses to re-hydrate, she or he risks dehydration, which further taxes the organs and which may ultimately cause death.
Health Consequences of Laxative Abuse:
  • Disturbance of electrolyte and mineral balances.  Sodium, potassium, magnesium, and phosphorus are electrolytes and minerals that are present in very specific amounts necessary for proper functioning of the nerves and muscles, including those of the colon and heart.  Upsetting this delicate balance can cause improper functioning of these vital organs.
  • Severe dehydration may cause tremors, weakness, blurry vision, fainting, kidney damage, and, in extreme cases, death. Dehydration often requires medical treatment.
  • Laxative dependency occurs when the colon stops reacting to usual doses of laxatives so that larger and larger amounts of laxatives may be needed to produce bowel movements.
  • Internal organ damage may result, including stretched or “lazy” colon, colon infection, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and, rarely, liver damage. Chronic laxative abuse may contribute to risk of colon cancer.
Stopping the Laxative Abuse Cycle
Overcoming laxative abuse requires working with a team of health professionals who have expertise in treating eating disorders, including a general physician, a psychiatrist, psychologist, or counselor, and a registered dietician.  Support from close friends and family is also helpful.  Meeting with others to talk over anxieties, concerns and difficulties can greatly aid in getting through tough times in the recovery process.  

Fruit tacos with chocolate tortillas

Fruit tacos with chocolate tortillas Ingredients:
  • 1 cup whole wheat flour
  • 3 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/3 cup cocoa powder
  • 1/3 cup coconut oil
  • 4 tablespoons agave nectar
  • 1-1/2 cups warm water
  • 1 small papaya
  • 1 mango
  • 1/2 cup blueberries
  • 1 cup strawberries
  • 2 kiwis
  • Juice from one lime
In a large bowl combine the all-purpose flour, whole wheat flour, baking powder, salt and cocoa powder. Whisk all the ingredients to combine.
Add coconut oil, agave nectar and warm water to the bowl of dry ingredients.

Mix the ingredients together with a wooden spoon until a large ball of dough forms.

Transfer the ball of dough to a floured work surface and knead the dough for five minutes, adding additional flour if the dough becomes too sticky to handle.
Cut the ball of dough in half and roll both pieces back into a ball. Continue to cut the balls of dough in half until you have 16 even pieces. Let the dough rest for 10 minutes.

Transfer one ball of dough to a floured work surface and roll the dough into a circle that is one- quarter inch thick and about five inches in diameter.
Heat a cast-iron skillet over medium heat. Do not add oil to the pan because the tortillas need to be cooked on a dry surface. Once the skillet is hot, add the rolled out dough and cook for 30 seconds.

Flip the tortilla and cook for an additional 30 seconds. Repeat until all of the dough has been used and you have 16 cooked tortillas. Transfer the tortillas to a plate lined with a damp paper towel.

Wash all the fruit for the fruit salad. Measure blueberries, chop strawberries, peel and dice kiwis, dice mango, remove the seeds from papaya and peel the skin. Dice the papaya into bite-sized pieces and place all of the fruit in a dish. Drizzle the fruit with the juice of the lime. 

To serve, place one chocolate tortilla on a serving plate.

Add a handful of blueberries, several pieces of diced kiwi, a few pieces of chopped mango, several pieces of diced papaya and a handful of strawberries to the center of one chocolate tortilla.

Top the fruit with additional toppings of your choice. Chocolate sauce, shredded coconut, fresh mint and honey all work wonderfully.

Reasons why you must eat



This is just perfect

Don’t listen the voice of your ED, because you deserve to eat.

Whenever you think you dont deserve food, dont want food or dont think you need to eat... then think of this list.
  Because you NEED food to survive. You need food to live. It doesnt matter whether you are just lying in bed all day, or go to school or go to work... you need food.
  It doesnt matter whether you binged today, or yesterday. Whether you have worked out or not, whether you feel hungry or not. You still need to eat. You still need food.

Dont listen to the voice that tells you that you are fat and dont need food... that voice is lying. And instead, everytime you hear that voice that tells you to not eat. Go get something to eat or drink... Remind yourself that you are a human being who needs food to live.
  Dont let the voice in your head control you. Instead, Take control over your life!!!


Good morning :)
   Is it just me, or is anyone else really starting to feel the January cold and tiredness? Im ready for brighter days & well..... days with less stress and work. -_-'
   This morning it was a struggle to get out of bed... yYou know that feeling when the bed is just too comfortable and warm.

^^ hahah

Anyway, i am reminding myself that it is Friday!!

Ive just eaten breakfast which looked like this:

And now its time to brush my teeth... brush my hair and get ready to go ;) 

Hahah... so many pictures in one post... and so little words!! ;) Thats what happens when im this tired!

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Emotional rollercoaster & feeling lonely

Today has just been an awful day...... I dont like to spread negativity or think in a negative way. But today has just been a horrible day.
   All i wanted to do was to go home again, to lie under the covers and not have to be in school... not have to do anything. But at the same time, i didnt want to go home at all.
Do you ever have those times when you just dont know where you belong? You dont feel like you want to be anywhere?
   At the moment, i just dont want to be at home but at the same time, all i want to do is be at home...
   All i want, is my own space. I want my own apartment, but finding an apartment in Stockholm is next to impossible, and as i dont exactly have an income i cant afford my own place either :/ But i just want to break free... live on my own.
I live with my mum and step dad, but sometime i feel like i dont belong here. Almost like im an intruder in mw own house... like we live seperate lives. And i can feel so lonely..... like theres no one to talk to.
School today has been ok, infact its time like today that i am so thankful for my friends. Today was a day where i just didnt want to smile... infact i got to school and felt like i was going to start crying because i had so many things going on in my head and my emotions were everywhere. And even though i felt sad my friends still managed to cheer me up and kept me laughing for most parts of the day!!
    Otherwise, i have relieved some of my stress by getting some work done and also my 'surprise' maths test which i think went ok.... 

I am longing for the weekend now.....  Only one more day!!! :)

Overcoming fear foods

I will try to write a post with tips on how to overcome a fear food... or maybe even do a video(??!) but for now, hopefully this picture helps :)


Fear foods if you're healthy?

I got asked yesterday if i had any fear foods, and my answer is no. I have foods which i dont like, sausages (i dont lke the meat sausages or quorn sausages), mushrooms, brussel sprouts, red meat, some quorn products & some types of fish.
It is normal to have foods you dont like, i mean you cant like all types of food. But then again, maybe you can? Its all about learning to like them.  But foods like curries or spicy food, that is something which i dont like, and ive tested several times (just like all the other food i dont like... just to see if my taste buds have changed) but nope, i still dont like them.
There are also foods which i can eat, and have no problem eating, but dont eat on a regular basis. I.e chocolate, ice cream, fries etc I only eat those foods if im craving them, or im at a party and they're offered or whatever. They're not foods that give me anxiety thinking about them, or make me want to skip doing things with friends, just because the fear of maybe having to eat those types of foods. I have no problem going for a coffee and a bun with a friend.

Then there is the fact that i dont like pizza, and of course, there will always be someone telling you that you are doing wrong. I mean, everyone likes pizza right? And your unnormal if you dont. But the fact is, i dont like pizza. And i dont think there is anything wrong with that. Because i can eat pizza, and not feel guilty afterwards. If i were with friends and they all decided to go to pizza hut, i would of course go with them and eat pizza. I mean i  have had a slice or two of pizza when my mum & P have ordered, just to try it and see if change my mind. But to me, a slice or two is just enough. There is something with pizza that is just too much for me.
  But im pretty sure, if i were to travel back to Italy, i would most probably eat pizza several times, because ive heard that they make the best pizzas there? :)
My best advice is to write down foods you dont like and your fear foods. And at some point test them.... test them several times. Just to see. And if you find that you are eating eating one of your foods thaat you dont like, but actually do like them... even if you dont want to admit it, then you know that its not something that you dont like... you do actually like it.
   And the same with fear foods. I mean common fear foods are oils/butters/cream/carbs & junk food and other foods.
The fact is, oils, butter, cream, potatoe/pasta/rice etc those are generally everyday foods. And shouldnt be feared. Using some oil to fry something isnt going to make you fat, however, if you use like half a liter of oil... well then yes, there is an excess of calories. But using a little everyday, there is nothing wrong with that. And eating rice/pasta/potatoe those are everyday carbohydrates which your body needs.
   And foods like chocolate/ice cream/pizza/fries etc etc... those generally aren't foods which are eaten everyda... though i guess it depends. But i mean, most people dont reccommend them to be eaten everyday. So eating those now and again really isnt any problem. You need to allow yourself to try them. And if you find for example that you find milk chocolate is just too sweet for you, well then thats up to you. No one else can tell you which foods you like and dont like.

That is one thing which i hate about dieticians and doctors at ED clinics. I was told that to be declared healthy i had to be able to eat all foods. And thats what i had to do. Even though somethings which i had ot eat, i hated. Some of course were ED fears, but others, i just didnt like them. But when i became a day patient, i got a bit more freedom to choose which products i wanted. Which made it easier to eat (when i decided to actually follow the meal plan, that is).
   I do believe in trying all types of foods. There is no point in limiting yourself to your daily, normal foods and never trying anything else... because that eventually gets boring.

My personal opinion, can you be healthy and still have fear foods? Well i dont know. Everyone is different. But i dont think you should have fear foods if you actually are healthy. Because if you actually are healthy, both physically and mentally, then you know that eating a certain type of food, now and again, isnt going to make you gain weight. Or even eating say pasta or rice, or using oil everyday (which can often be fear foods) is not going to affect your weight.
   Its all about balance and moderation. Eating too much of anything can make you gain weight whether its milk, apples or fries....

Now i feel i've lost my trail of thought.... haha XD So i'll end my post here, and of course leave your opinion if you want. Or comment :)

Remember this

Hey You

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

If you're feeling sad

Then look at this rabbit with salad on its head...
  I know this might have nothing to do with what i usually blog about, but i saw this and i just couldnt stop smiling!! Its the cutest thing ive seen... and sometimes a little smile is all you need :)