Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, August 31, 2013

Chicken pie for dinner

I had had plans to go to D's for taco dinner, but some things happened, so D had to cancel. So suddenly i had to think about, what to make for dinner!!
  I started to defreeze some chicken fillets, but realisd that i didnt just want baked or fried chicken with vegetables or something...
    I wanted something different. I thought about making some tortillias, or wrap and making a chicken wrap. But then the idea hit me, a chicken pie!!! I cant even remember the last time i ate a food pie... its not one of my favourite foods, but its nice to test new things!!

I didnt follow a recipe, i just made it up myself. I find it really fun to make my own recipes.... to try new foods. Try making new foods ;)
   The chicken pie turned out really good!! Its so delicious!! I ate like 2/5 of the pie ;)


I give it a 4/5 ;)


My second home

This morning, after breakfast i went to the gym which is like my second home!! I love it. I feel comfortable there... Even though im working out, its almost like im relaxing as well? I dont think about things... its like my mind goes clear of my worries and problems.
   
Today i  did Bodypump (my favourite class) and some cardio ;)
 
^^My 'light' breakfast ^^ (Cant eat much before i workout)



^^I dont even know what was happening with my hair? ;)

Peanut butter and banana waffle

For your Saturday or Sunday breakfast: 

Peanut Butter and Banana Waffles
PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANA WAFFLES
Prep Time: 25 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
Total Time: 50 minutes

INGREDIENTS
INSTRUCTIONS
  1. Prepare waffles according to recipe instructions, keeping cooked waffles warm in a 250° degree oven while you make the rest.
  2. To make the peanut butter sauce: Combine peanut butter and half-and-half in a medium heatproof bowl. Warm in the microwave for 1 minute, stir, then heat again for 30 seconds. Whisk the mixture together until the peanut butter completely combines with the half-and-half. This will take a minute or so of whisking and at first, the peanut butter will look really separated - it will come together. Whisk in the sugar. At this point, if the mixture is too thick for a sauce consistency, whisk in some extra half-and-half by the tablespoon until you reached your desired consistency, up to ¾ cup.
  3. Spoon peanut butter sauce over waffles then top with sliced bananas. If you want to get really crazy, a little pure maple syrup is also excellent drizzled on top of the sauce and bananas.

Eating without calorie counting and/or measuring

Something which i thought about this morning while i was preparing breakfast, was how nice it felt, to not measure my food or care about calories. I havent counted calories or measure my food in more than a year, so its nothing unusual for me to just pour yoghurt and nuts/seeds etc without thinking about it, or how much i take.
 
But today, it felt like it was the first time i did it. As if it was the first time i didnt care about the measurements.
  Today i ate both walnuts, raisins and coconut flakes in my yoghurt and those 3 foods are 'calorie dense', soemthing which scared me loads while i was sick. But now, well i couldnt care less.

I have no idea how much i eat in a day.... and its not something i can be bothered to try to figure out. Sometimes ive thought about writing a food diary for 2-3 days, and then trying to figure out how much i eat.... but i admit. Im a snacker. I can go and just take a handful of nuts... eat extra after dinner/lunch. Eat an apple here and there. And those types of things, i forget about. Generally i try to just keep to my 5-6 meals a day, because what ive read about is that, you have to give your stomach a break from food sometimes. Though somedays im just more hungry!!
   
Because i did count calories while i was sick, i do still know the calorie content of food... i mean thats something you study and learn, and it doesnt just go away. I spend hours reading nutritional values and calorie contents and it was a big part of my days for several years. But now, even though i do know the calorie content. It doesnt bother me. Now i just see it as a number.
  There have been times, when out of curiosity i have calculated (in my head) how much one of my meals are.... and say it comes to, breakfast 500kcal. Im just like... Ok. Its just a number. It doesnt have any affect on me. And even say if i did count out my daily calorie intake and it was like 2800calories or something... or less... or more, who knows. That number doesnt bother me.
   Because im a healthy weight.... and as far as i know, i havent gone up in weight and havent lost weight. What im eating works for me. Because i neither want to gain weight or lose weight, so i dont really need to change how im eating. It works for me and my body. And thats the important thing!!

I feel this post has just become a jumble or words and thoughts.... But sometimes its nice to just write out my thoughts. Get them on paper a blog.. :) hahaha

So... to all of you who count calories and measure your food. You dont always have to do that... you can just eat without caring about the amount. And that just because you eat more one day, or less the other... that doesnt mean your going to gain/lose weight.
   Its ok to eat without knowing the calories, without knowing how much you take of everything! Its soemthing you need to work with, so that you can live a life without caounting calories and obsessivly weighing/measuring food!!

'
^^^Me this morning :)

Friday, August 30, 2013

TGIF

Heelllllooo ;)

I am so glad that it is Friday!! During the summer holidays, you dont appreciate the weekends as much as when you're in school.
    Today i only had 3 lessons, so finished early (2.30pm) but had a few teachers to try to find so that i could get the homework and information i missed from yesterday.
    Due to both me and D being busy and tired with school, and had thing going on we havent met at all for the past week or so... but today when i finally had time and energy i called her and asked if she wanted to meet. And as she lives 5 minutes from my school i could just go to her apartment!!!!

We decided to go for coffee at a cafe, but we didnt want to go to our usual coffee place, so instead walked down different streets in search of a cosy coffee place, but we were so busy talking that we managed to walk by all the cafes!! *smart*
   But we suddenly found ourslves outside a vegan health food store. We were both excited to go in (Hahah, like kids in a sweet store!!) Being in the store reminded me of Ireland.
  My mum as you know, is a yoga teacher and a vegetarian .She has always eaten very healthy and gone for organic/all natural foods. And she has always eaten foods like chiaseeds/spirulina/ omega 3/linseeds and we've eaten dark chocolate and all natural liquorice.
   In Ireland we used to bake our own bread, eat lentil soup for dinner, lots of beans and veggies. And when i was a child we even had our own hens so that we could have organic eggs. So i mean, its no wonder why i love all healthy, natural, organic food. That was what i was brought up with. (Of course the doctors thought it was my mums fault why i became sick, but she allowed us to have chocolate/junk food. Its just that we ate healthy otherwise.)
   Me and D went round and round in the shop, and looked at everything!! It was all so healthy!! I wanted to buy it alll....
   When i start working and earning my own money, i'm going to end up spending it all on 1) new sports clothes, 2) protein powders etc & 3)all natural, healthy foods.... Buying those types of things makes me happy. (And im not a materilistic person.) Things dont make me happy.... But food does.
   I love grocery shopping, i like looking at recpies and baking healthy, and trying new foods :)

Im a food addict, in some ways? ;) hahaha, nah... Just in love with foods!!!
  And no, its not an ED thing... because food isnt constantly on my mind. I dont plan my meals. I dont count calories. I dont cook food just for others. etc

Anyway, we had to finally drag ourselves away from the isles and i bought only a sugarfree dark coffee chocolate & an all natural bar!!
   (Both were really yummy!)







We then wandered back to D's apartment. But i was really hungry, felt i needed something 'solid' to eat. As i hadnt eaten much for lunch.
And after wandering around in the food store... no idea what to buy, i finally settled on a pasta and chicken salad.
So brought that back to D's place to eat


And there i spent the next few hours, as we had alot to talk about.
But soon i started feeling foggy in my head, and tiredness started taking over. 
So we said our goodbyes... but we have plans to meet again tomorrow!!
And now im home again, and so glad that it is Friday, and the weekend tomorrow!!
I feel the need to sleep in!!!:)

Hope everyone has had a great day :)

Answers

Ooh what are your top ice cream flavours? Also how much do you usually take when you eat b&j? Do you eat out the tub or portion it out in a bowl?
My top 5 ice cream flavours: All of them are Ben and Jerrys

  1. Peanut butter cup
  2. Cookie dough
  3. Blondie brownie
  4. Bohemian raspberry
  5. Half baked
It depends how im feeling... some times i eat right out of the tub, sometimes i take in a bowl.  And i eat... around half of the tub. Give or take a little ;)


Also may I ask some questions about how you get enough iron and protein as you don't eat red meat (like me)? I'm curious as I'm looking for ideas myself. 

Hmmm, ive never thought about that. I take alot of supplements, so it could be that. But when i looked at foods that have the top iron content, i eat alot of those foods: Egg yolk, beans, dried fruit.
 (Source: http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/top-10-iron-rich-foods)
Try making falafels, chickpea burgers. Adding beans to your salads or a side dish is great :) And adding some dried fruit to yoghurt, or making some home cookies or something :)
  And i get alot of protein in my diet, from egg, dairy, chicken, beans, quorn etc

Do you like quorn? If so what are your fav products and what to you eat them with or cook them in?

   Yeah i like quorn products! Not all of them, but some are good :) Quorn fillets/quron burgers/quorn mince&quorn meat balls etc.
   Depending on what im making, i might fry them with oil, or put them in the oven or something :)

Also have you ever tried tofu or anything like that? What was your opinion on it (e.g. Texture, taste, etc.)

Yeah i really like tofu!! I buy the 'firm' tofu... the one thats harder. And i love adding that to salad. And can even eat it just like that ;) Its a great source of protein!

Sorry for the bombardment of questions! You are fantastic and such an inspirational person! I'm soo glad everything at the hospital was good :):)



DOnt worry about the questions. I just find it fun to answer them :)
  And im sorry about the short answers, i was in a bit of a time crunch when i wrote them! If you have any more questions, feel free to ask :)

Food

makehealthychoices:

xx
iloveoatmealandpeanutbutter:

Acai bowl with blended banana, papaya, mango, blueberries, topped with more fruits,walnuts, almond butter and almonds.
tea-and-oats:

Banana and cinnamon oatmeal with banana slices, strawberries, blueberries and pecans


It just looks sooo delicious -_- Like..... i cant even.... Mmmmmmmm

Starting the day off right.

Last night was far from fun. Infact it was awful.... everything appeared fine. No one would have guessed what was going on in my mind.
 
Last night i got loads of anxiety... mainly about school. And aboutn myself.... i started comparing myself to just about everyone else. Looking at my own flaws. Seeing everything that was wrong with me. And just bringing myself down.
  All i wanted to do was creep out of my own skin... to turn off my mind, turn off my thoughts.
One thing which i feel i have constant anxiety about, is the cross country race i have on Wednesday. I ran it last year and i did really well. But i had loads of anxiety before the race last year aswell. Its only 5km, so its not far. And i am good/ok at running. So its nothing i should worry about, but i do.
  I get so called, performance anxiety. And it doesnt help the fact that recently i havent been running... or i have. But not so often and not far either. Ive focused mainly on HIIT and intervals & strength training.
  And i feel when i race, i want to be best... i have to have the best time & beat my time from last year. Everyone in my class knows that i run, they're rooting for me.... and i just know im going to let them down, and let myself down... and it puts so much pressure on me. That i feel i just want  to dissappear and not go at all.
  This was how i felt when we had sports day, before the end of school. I had so much anxiety about trying to perform my best, that i couldnt even enjoy the day.

This morning i got up and decided to go for a run.... to just see how far i could run. How it felt. How i felt... just run. Run because i love it. Run because it feels good. I wasnt going to time myself or see how far i ran (though i know the route i ran was 9,5km). It was just going to be me & my music, and let my body take control of the movements.

   The first 5km went really well, which im happy with,  and then the next 2-3km were rough and had to walk a bit and then the last 1-2km went really great and i just wanted to keep running!!
  (I didnt time myself/record, but as i mentioned, i know the route so i know how far 5km is etc )

So now im feeling really good!! I still have a bit of anxiety about the race on Wednesday, because i want to do my best... But i am definitely going to start running longer and more often now!! I feel ive gotten my motivation and passsion back!

After that i took a shower and ate breakfast (I cant run on a full stomach & didnt have time to let my food settle before i ran, so ate afterwards)



This was a great start to my day, and hopefully today will be a really good day!!

Have a great day everyone :) Do something you love and enjoy today!! And dont forget to smile

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Happiness can be found even in the darkest times

Its a grey, rainy day today... making me feel unmotivated to do anything at all.
    And i am secretly happy that i didnt have to go to school today!!! XD

Even though i felt unmotivated to do anything at all today, i cleaned my room before I, in a rush had to run to catch the tram so that i would get to the hospital in time.
   There was lots of waiting, and nerves... wondering if the results would be bad or not. But i called my sister, and we talked while i waited for the doctor to call my name.
 
To sum it all up...everything was really good!! I am in tip-top shape!! And some of the things which hadnt been 'so good' from last year, are now in the normal range. Which, is uncommon for people with CF. And my doctor is surprised at how healthy i am.... If it wasnt for the proof on the paper, the doctors actually thought i was lying about how i felt well. And before they wanted to admit me to hospital, just to make sure that i actually was healthy!!
 
I am really happy that everything went well, and feel a bit like a one of a kind!! haha, because if you google CF stories, or people with CF, you just read about all these people who are really sick. Constantly in hospital, loads of medicines and feeling really sick. And that was me in Ireland... while i lived in Ireland i had about 40% attendance in school, because i was constantly sick and in hospital. And this was before i developed my eating disorder.
    I will of course always take medicines for the rest of my life, and always have CF... but i like to think that i can be some sort of inspiration for people with CF aswell....? Showing that, you know what... you dont have to be sick and in hospital all the time just because you have CF.
  Though of course, there are different grades of how bad CF are.... and luckily i dont have the worst case of CF.

But you know what, my healthy lifestyle... with lots of exercise & healthy eating, that is extra important for me because i have CF. So even if i hated exercise, i would still have to do it. But because i love it, it makes me even healthier, phsyically and mentally! And of course my healthy diet, with healthy fats (which is important for people with CF) and protein and healthy carbs is good for my body. And it shows.... in my results from the different tests.
    The results show that my healthy lifestyle and exercise if huge benefit to my health and my body.

And of course... i felt i had to celebrate my results. So...... A packet of Ben and Jerrys ice cream (You can't be too healthy ;) hehehe)
  Ive never tried this flavour before... but its now in my top 5 ice cream flavours!! ^_^





There is a very high chance, that i might actually finish the packet all on my own :)
nom nom nom 

Hospital

No school for me today!
   Though that doesnt mean that i just sit at home all day and relax. Nope, ive got a hospital appointment. I am going to get the results of all the tests i did a month or two ago. So i'm nervous about that... i hope all my results are good ;/

Otherwise....
   Because i didnt have to get up so early, i could sleep in. And i started my day with a long walk with Daisy and a yummy breakfast!!

Apart from going to the hospital, i really dont plan on doing anything today. Today is one of those days where i'd like to stay in my pyjamas all day and watch films and series with several cups of tea and chocolate!!
AmyJenelle
Meat Pudding ~ ♪ :3November.

Typical breakfast

My breakfast isnt any different than usual this morning *boring... i know* But it looked good, so i felt i had to take a picture, and upload it on my blog :)
  Though this morning i did consider eating oatmeal... but then i was like, it takes too long!! (Excuses -_-)





Overnight oats/oats in a jar

Ive made this a few times, and actually really like it. So if you're in a rush in the morning, and dont have time to prepare breakfast. Make it the night before :)

Basic Recipe
40g Oats, 200ml non-diary milk, 1 tbsp. chia seeds, dash of cinnamon/vanilla/etc. – mix everything together and put in the fridge overnight.
Cocoa Overnight OatsAdd 2 tsp. unsweetened cocoa powder to the basic recipe. Works great with banana, pear, walnuts and pb.
Sweet Potato Overnight Oats
Use just 50ml milk and therefore add 100g soy yoghurt. Mash 1/2 cooked sweet potato to the basic oats and refrigerate overnight. Add fruits as banana, blueberries and walnuts, as well as maple almond and peanut butter!
Banana Overnight OatsAdd 1/2-1 mashed banana to your oats. So delicious and filling. Either add a second banana and/or other fruits as mango, berries, apple, cranberries and nuts as well as nut butter.
Vanilla Overnight Oats
Use vanilla soy milk instead of the normal one – amazing!
Strawberry Overnight Oats
Mash around 5 strawberries into the overnight oats and put in the fridge overnight. Add more berries, other fruits, nuts and almond butter in the morning.


Wednesday, August 28, 2013

WIAW

                                 
^^^Not my picture... (i took it from Google!!!)

6am Breakfast: Yoghurt & quark & frozen raspberries & peanut butter & mix of seeds & 1 boiled egg. & coffee

12.15pm School Lunch: Fish stew & salad & cottage cheese & 1 crisp bread with spread

3.30pm Snack in school: An apple & 2 of my homemade chocolate/nutella cookies

5.30pm Home from school: snack: 2 crisp bread with caviar & 2 egg whites

7.00pm dinner: Pasta bolognaise & salad
   dessert: 2 of my home made cookies

9.30 Snack: (to be eaten now) : Yoghurt & kiwi & raisins & walnuts



Today is a day where i havent eaten particularly much (for my bodies needs anyway) and i know that. But still finding it hard to eat properly/enough while having such long days in school.


Note to self: Change breakfast. (I keep telling myself to change breakfast... just because. But each morning i wake up, and all i want it quark & yoghurt with  mix of fruit & nuts!! Ahhh.... )

Blllaahhh

The title describes my mood.
   I seem to only have 3 feelings/moods at the moment and they are: tired, hungry and BLAH. But BLAH is almost a combination of tired and hungry? ;)

It feels like summer was forever ago.... but its only been a week back to school. And im already thrown head first into a pile of work. Information is thrown at me in every class. Told about all these big assignments. Tests. Talking about grades... how its extremely hard to acheive an A. And slowly i just feel like creeping away....
  Im a a high achiever. But the fact is, the more work i get....... thats when i feel like giving up. Because i want things to be perfect. I want to get an A, or atleast a B.... or just not give a damn at all..... But of course, getting an A or a B, means LOADS of work....
   But im willing to put the work in. Its going to take time and effort, and of course, energy. But i am a perfectionist and a high achiever. I almost put too much pressure on myself.... which can just make me feel worse.

I left the house this morning at 7.15am, and didnt get home until 5.30pm.... Long day, in other words. And that is how my days will be... so you do have to excuse the lack of blogging and lack of interesting posts!!!
 But i must admit, im proud of myself that i am still making scheduled posts and can still keep up, somewhat good blogging :)
   And i will continue to try to answer the questions.... In video or text? ;)

Anyway. Now i have to actually start on my homework, so that i can atelast try to have some me time this evening :)


^^Shockingly i havent taken any new ego pics (this is strange, for being me!!) recently, so.... 
its an old picture of me :)
^^I felt this post had to have some sort of picture.... :)

Something to think about


THE THING ABOUT AN EATING DISORDER IS THAT SOMEONE HAS TO DIE FOR IT TO END.
YOU OR ED. 

^^^This is something which i want you all to think about....

Its you or your ED. It will either end up with that your ED kills you (and dont take that lightly) or that you kill your ED.

The fact is, an eating disorder is a mental illness which kills. People die from their EDs.... are you going to be one of those?
  
While i was sick, i knew i could die from my ED. I knew i was so malnourished, i was so sick that i could die. But that was what i wanted. I mean i even attempted suicide several times.
  But there were nights where i cried myself to sleep because i didnt want to die. What i wanted was for my ED to die... i didnt want to be sick. I didnt want to live my life the way i was doing.... but i didnt think i'd ever recover. So i thought death was my only way out of the hell i was living.
   But thats not the case.

You just need your reason to recover. Whether its because you are so tired of beings ick (which was the case for me). Or because there is something you want to do, but your ED is stopping you... or any other reason. But you have to fight for it.

But what i want you to do today, is to really think about, how you are living life. 
    Is this the type of life you want to live for the next 20-50 years..... Or will you even live that long, if you are abusing yourself and your body. 
   There is only so much that your body can take before it starts shutting down.

Also think about, if you are young... the damage you are doing to your body. There are consequences which, you might have to live with.
   I.e if you are abusing laxatives, you might not ever be able to go to the bathroom 'without help'. Or you can even ruin the lining of your intestines & cause other problems.
  If you purge you are ruining your teeth & your stomach & can even get stomach cancer.
 Starvation damages a whole lot in your body, if it goes on for too long. 
And of course for females, there is a high chance of osteoporosis and if your period goes away, it might never come back (though often it does), but you can also decrease your chance of ever becoming pregnant.

For me, i have knee, hip and back pain which is a result from my over exercising &bad posture while i was sick. & i have terrible heart burn (which i take medication for, but it hardly helps) and of course, i still have scars from my self harm.

So please think of the consequences.... how will your future look, or will you even have a future?

If you dont beat your ED, your ED will beat you. 

Answers part 3

Simple, healthy 'chocolate/coconut' balls

Ingredients:

1 ½ dl oats
2-3 tbsp cocoa
3 tbsp sweetner (honey, stevia, agave, sugar..)
2 tbsp black coffee
vanillapowder/vanillasugar (optional)
50g quark/greek yogurt
2 tbsp coconutflakes
coconutflakes for topping

Combine all the ingredients in a bowl and blend together. Form to balls and roll in coconutflakes. Put in the fridge for a while before serving.