Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, July 31, 2013


Freight Train - Sarah Jackson Holman

Read :)

^^^This is so perfect.
    If you find that you scroll through Tumblr or Instagram looking at other girls/models and comparing yourself. Just stop. Even if you are out on the streets and you see some people and start comparing yourself, Stop yourself. You dont need to bring yourself down, or make yourself feel bad about yourself.
  You are you. Nobody else. And nobody else should make you feel bad about yourself.
Be happy in your body, its the only body you have. So take care of yourself!

Tips for new runners

1. Just do it.  Don’t wait until tomorrow or next week, or next month.  Do it today.  Run to the mailbox to get your mail, run to the end of the block, run with your dog until he goes to the bathroom and then run home.  Start today and never look back.
2. Don’t start out too fast.  This is a common mistake that new runners make.  You start out too fast, then feel exhausted, out of breath, and defeated.  We don’t want that, so start slow.  No, I mean really slow.  Slower than you think you need to.  If, after a while, you feel like you can pick up the pace, then great, go for it.  But, for now, pace yourself, you are in it for the long haul.
3. Get fitted for some good running shoes.  Find a running store and get fitted.  A good pair of running shoes will cost from $85-$120 but they are so worth it.  Take the time to get the right pair.  It will save you time, blisters, and injuries in the long run.  Here is a great resource for finding the right shoe.
4. Try not to get frustrated.  Even the most seasoned runners have a bad run.  If one day you have a terrible run, don’t give up, it happens to the best of us.  The next one will be better, I promise.
5. If you are running on the road, run against traffic, that way you see the cars and can get out of the way if they don’t see you.
6. Don’t compare yourself to others.  So what if tiny shorts lady can run a 7 minute pace.  You run at your pace and that’s that.  If you want to do speedwork when you have this running thing down, then by all means do it.  But do not compare yourself to others.  Running is individual.  Run for yourself, not for anyone else.
7. Listen to your body!Don’t push yourself….stop if you need to stop, slow down if you need to slow down, and eventually it will all come together and you too will feel that “Runner’s High” ;-)
8. Find what motivates you- whether it is getting faster or losing weight or going to new distances, set a goal and work towards it in small increments.”

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Picture video: my story

Bored and at home. So i decided to make a short picture video of the past few years.
   From skinny to strong.

Warning! Trigger video. There are picture from when  i was underweight, so if you get triggered by that, dont watch!!

Ive made a few other videos, but the one below (link) is one of my favourites ive made. But i seem to have deleted it from my computer, but ive posted it before, so if you're bored and not triggered by looking at the videos, then i guess click the link ;)

10 ways to love your body


At the moment I have a huge lust to travel. To just get away from home. Visit the world. I love travelling, but I hate sleeping away from home and change in routines. Which means that I dpnt lile travelling... and dont travel as much as id like to.
  But now.... now I want to travel to ireland and visit my dad and best friend (ive talked to my dad and hopefully in October/Nobember ill be visiting him! I miss him so much!)
  I also want to visit England.... its been mpre than a year since ive been there.
   I also just want to hop on a train and head to Gothenburg, to spend time with D.
Also  New York! !! I have plans withy dad that we will travel there in December (after my birthday!) And im soooo excited!  I really hope it happens! ! To visit new York is one of my dreams!

Im also looking at pictures frim when I was in Rome and from Paris! ! And im longing back there!


   I just want to travel.... see the world!! Take me away from home! I want adventures and excitement!  Memories! !!

Its you who determines when your healthy

There are doctors who will tell you that, once you have reached your goal weight/have a certain BMI. That is when you are healthy. But that doesnt make it true.
And of course, you can not be healthy until you have reached your goal weight.

Ok, so physically you wont be healthy until you have a healthy BMI/weight.... That is just common knowledge. There is no point arguing with that.

But the fact is, some doctors think that recovery is all about your weight. They think that as soon as you are a healthy weight, you are automatically healthy. Which is so wrong.
  Because ED's are not all about weight, weightloss/weight gain, weird eating habits they are all the consequences/actions of what is in your head.
  I mean its not like you just decide, i am going to starve myself because my parents got divorced. Or because i broke up with my boyfriend or something like that. (Though of course, there are Pro Anas who want to be anorexic, and decide to starve themselves to look super skinny. But that is a whole different thing.)

Everyone has a different reason why they became sick, and it can be hard to know why you became sick. But common reasons are low self esteem, or being bullied by your weight before you became sick. These are mental things. You see yourself as flawed.
  Feeling out of control is a common reason as well. I think thiss was one of the reasons i became sick. I wanted control of my life.
  I didnt just decide, i am going to start purging. I am going to starve myself. I just started controlling my food, counting calories. I felt guilty when i ate, i couldnt even explain why i felt guilty. I just didnt want the food inside of me. It was when i started losing weight, that i started looking at my body, seeing my flaws. The voice in my head telling me i was ugly, fat, horrible etc. It was then that my fear of eating and the guilt afterwards was so strong that i barely ate anything. It was then it had gone from wanting to control my life, control my food to having an ED.
When you recover, working on your thoughts, the way you think, the way you see yourself is so important. Just as eating and rest is.
  Some treatment centres focus more on eating and resting, than actually talking or helping you with your thoughts. But other treatment centres focus more on just talking, and thinking that everything else (with food, exercise, rest etc) will be sorted by talking about your problems.
  But i think you need both. It can be hard for some people to talk about what they are feeling, as it is for me. But it is a great way to help with anxiety, and to get advice about how to cope in situations, or tlak about how you are feeling. Working on your low self esteem, or even trying to fix the problem that caused you to become sick.
I believe that the only person who can tell you whether you are healthy or not is you. Doctors can tell you that you are healthy because you now have a healthy weight, but that doesnt make it true. If you are not mentally healthy aswell, then you're just as likely to fall back into your ED, or continue with your old ways.
But some people feel mentally healthy before they reach their goal weight. The thing with this, is..... if you actually are mentally healthy before you reach your goal weight. Then, you wont have a problem gaining those last few kilos.
   So really, you do need to be a healthy weight to be declared healthy. Even though you can feel healthy before your body is.... and you know what, that is great for you.
I remember back in 2012 (i feel i keep mentioning the start of 2012 alot...? ) but anyway, that was when i was 4-5kg away from my goal weight. I wasnt completely healthy, but i wasnt as sick as i used to be. But i kept telling myself that i was healthy. And i told my case manager that. I told her that i felt healthy, that i should just be declared healthy even though i hadnt reached my goal weight.
  You know what she told me, If i was actually healthy then i wouldnt have a problem gaining those last few kilos. Even if it meant stuffing myface with chocolate and supplement dirnks.
  At that time i was still supposed to take 2-3 supplement dirnks a day. But i wasnt doing that, because i was still, in someways trying to control my weight. I was scared to gain the last few kilos.
  But when i really thought about it, i realised that i wasnt healthy. Because just like my case manager said, if i was actually healthy i wouldnt have a problem gaining those last few kilos. I wouldnt be so set on weighing X kilos.
And the fact is, when you actually are healthy. You dont try controlling your weight. You realise that, your weight goes up and down. But your body will settle on a weight that it is healthy at. And you have to allow your body to do that. You cant decide what weight is healthy for you. Because you just decide on a number that you feel comfortable with, but that doesnt mean your body will feel comfortable with it.

So, to summarize. It is only you who will know when you are healthy, and need to be a healthy weight. There is no way around it. You wont feel physically healthy if you're not. You wont have the right amount of energy, your brain/organs wont function properly if you dont weigh enough, or dont get enough energy.
  Its as simple as that.

However, its you who will know when you are mentally healthy. Its you who has to work with all your ED habits. To get rid of the small things which hold you back from truely recovering. Its easy to spend months, even years in this grey zone, between half recovered and fully recovered. That place where you are scared to fully recover, to let go of all your ED behaviour.
  But you have to do it.

Also, if you are at a healthy weight, but dont feel mentally healthy.Dont be scared to talk to someone about it. Anorexia is not a size. You cant look at a person and tell if they have anorexia/bulimia/EDNOS etc.
   Its all in the head. So remember that. Dont be afraid to talk to someone about it.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Went to the shop..... what did i buy?

Finally left the house, pulling on a pair of trousers (I really hate trousers!) and my jacket.
I was craving something... but what was it? ;)

Trail mix/natural sweets/salted cashews :)
Its been forever since i ate them!! but they're sooo good.^_^

Eat to grow ;)


Rainy day

Something which i like are 'rainy/cloudy days'
Of course i prefer the sun. When the sun is shining, it makes me happy, it almost always means that its going to be a good day! (Funny that i've lived in two countries, where there is more chance that it will be grey and cloudy/rainy than sunny?)
I am very sensitive to the weather, so of course today as it is grey and cold, my energy isnt at top.
But i like it.
Its nice to have a break from the sun.
To spend my day in pyjamas. To have my hair up in a bun, and no make up.
To take a long warm shower.
Drink loads of tea.
Lie in bed and watch series.
To spend all day reading.
To look out the window and know that you dont have to leave the house!¨
My plans for the rest of the day are to continue doing nothing!

Things to do when you're sad

Peanut butter cheesecake

I love fitbysams blog. She posts loads of great recipes, alot of pancake recipes!! Ive only tried a few, but they were really tasty!
  I havent actually tried making this cake, its on my list of things to bake!! I just need to find the oppertunity to make it :)


1 whole egg
1/3 cup peanut butter
0.8 cup unsalted peanuts
**About 1-2 tbsp granulated sweetener
2 eggwhites
400 g light cream cheese (light is of course optional, use any cream cheese you want)
1/3 cup peanut butter
1 tsp vanilla powder or extract
**Granulated sweetener; about 1-2 tbsp
8 squares of sugrfree or dark chocolate
1 tsp coconut oil
0.2 cup chopped peanuts
Follow these steps: Preheat oven to 360 degrees f.. Place all the ingredients for the base in a blender and blend. Press into a baking pan with a removable bottom. Bake in the oven for 10-15 minutes.

Beat the egg whites for filling and then add the other ingredients and whisk. Pour
over the filling over the cooled crust. Melt the chocolate with coconut oil and garnish cheesecake. Sprinkle with chopped peanuts.

I let it stand in the freezer all night. Leave it there when you do not eat it, but please have it out about 15 minutes before eating so it softens up :)

Words can cause pain, or help save a life

I want to start this post by saying Thank you! Everyday i get emails or comments, where i am told that i am an inspiration in someway, that i have helped you with recovery. And it still seems crazy to me.
  But i am so thankful for your words, and they always put a smile on my face. And i like knowing that i can help, even if it may not feel like it at times.
   I mean i am just a girl, writing a blog...  I have written about my past, what i have been through. All my emotions, my thoughts, my story is documented in this blog. My highs and my lows.
  Its my online diary. And it still feels so weird that i have so many readers. People who want to read what i have to say.

I am feeling low at the moment, but thats life. You cant feel good all the time, or maybe you can? But it is normal to have low times, and thats ok. Its just to accept that fact, and make the best of it.
I logged onto my blog, and read through some comments and some emails which i have gotten, and they put a smile on my face. Making me instantly feel better.
  You are all so wonderful, never forget that. Even if you just read my blog, and never comment. Thats ok. Just the fact that you are reading, makes me happy.
Words have the power to either hurt someone or to help someone.
  To me, words cause more pain than physical cuts and bruises. To me, words leave a lasting scar. A scar that wont fade, unlike physical scars that eventually fade in time.
But words also have the power to help someone, even to save a life. If you reach out to someone when they are low, or even let them know that you are there for them, that can make a huge difference. And it is so important that people remember that!
   Ok, this post took a bit of a different turn than i meant.

But what i wanted to say was thank you. All of you mean so much to me, even if i dont know anyone who reads my blog (Or maybe i do?) But i have got to know some of my readers. Some of you who often leave comments, or i've had more mail contact.
  And you should all know, you who are sick that recovery is possible! And you will be happy :)
And to all of you, you are all wonderful people, and remember to smile!

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Oatmeal peanut butter snack bars

Source: georgie-ray:
1 cup white whole wheat flour
1 cup old fashioned oats
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup dark brown sugar
3/4 cups crunchy peanut butter
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup low-fat milk
1/2 cup chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 350ยบ F
2. In the bowl of an electric mixer, add peanut butter and sugar and mix on high speed until fluffy, about 2-3 minutes. Add in vanilla extract and mix until combined.
Add in flour, oats, salt and baking soda, mixing on medium speed. The dough will look crumbly and you want the peanut butter mix to be broken up into clumps. Add milk with the mixer on low speed, and mix until a dough forms. Fold in chocolate chips.
Make sure dough is completely combined, and roll it into a ball with your hands. Place it in the middle of an 8×8 baking dish, pressing it to fit. Bake for 18 minutes, or until set and golden on top. Let cool completely, then cut into 9 squares.


Life has its ups and downs

Hello :)
I am going to be honest and say that at the moment i am not feeling so great. I havent been sleeping well at all, and been getting anxiety at night, just lying awake thinking all these thoughts.
  I am feeling really lonely. Like i have no one. I feel like an awful daughter, an awful sister, an awful friend.
I am also missing alot of people, mainly my dad, my best friend in Ireland and D... i wish they were all here with me. But they are all in different places... far away. But all i want to do is spend time with them, hug them.....

But i am reminding myself that it is summer. That i should be enjoying myself. That life has its ups and downs.
   There are tough times in life, but there are also good times in life.

There are only a few more weeks until school starts again and i am going to make the best of them. I am going to spend time on the beach, going for walks, reading lots.
  Some of my friends are now back from holidays so i am going to spend time with them. I am going to have barbeques, just continue with my life, continue living even if it feels like i want to give up.
   I am having some very depressing thoughts, but i wont give up.

I wont be as active on the blog for the next while, because i feel i want a break from everything. To just live life. I havent been spending much time on the computer, but now i havent made so many scheduled posts, just a few.
   I dont know how long i will be away, whether its a few hours, a few days, or even a few weeks or months. Who knows.

But if i know me well, i know i wont be gone for long, MAX a day or two :)

So keep strong everyone, and you can of course mail me and comment. But i dont know how many posts there will be!



Todays lunch!


Dont be afraid to try new foods. To step out of your comfort zone. To eat a new snack. Dont get stuck eating the same thing all the time. Vary what you eat. Eat different foods. Try new things!
   Look at recipes, and be willing to make new types of foods :)