Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Friday, May 31, 2013

Sunny day!

After c.a 1,5 hours in school, my school week was over :) And my last school classes over!! I've still got 1,5 weeks left in school but no more classes :)
  Think, its gone a year since i started that school!! Crrrazzzzyyy! 

The beginning was tough - i felt very sad and lonely and didnt fit in in my class. But now i love my class :) All the people are so awesome ;) And something which i have to remind you all, from my own experiences. Give it time. When you start a a new school, or start a new group. It might be hard to fit in, and you might feel lonely at first... but trust me, you're not alone. And in time, you will form some type of relationship with people ;)

After school i headed to D's place (2 jminutes from my school ;)) And we went and bought a coffee and went and sat  by the grass park by my school (haha!) and sat there for a while.
   Then we went back to her place, and put on bikini tops, got blankets and went to another grass park where we spent an hour or so sunbathing!!
   I might actually get a tan ;)



Its been a great day, and now its time for dinner ;) (We've got guests!)

Time for school

Sitting in the sun - getting some D vitamin, and getting work done. Can life be any better? ;)

Ive finishd my civics assignment - One assignment done. And ive made alot of progress on my history essay. And ive sat in the sun and done maths, and ive practised for my french presentation.
   Im on a roll ;)¨

So far its been a good morning!! And it is so warm now!! Not so sure how warm, but im guesssing around 22-25 degrees celsius!! ;)



One thing which i hate is the scars which i still have on my legs :/ ^^ They look more faded than what they are in the picture. In real life, they're still alot more red and visible :/ Kinda sucks.



Friday!

What a relief its Friday!! This week has gone so slowly - I cant even remember Monday! And there has been alot of work.
   Today, i hhave alot due!!

I mentioned yesterday that now my classes are pretty much over, but we still have to go to the classes even though we're not doing anything. But i decided today that i would skip my first 2 lessons as i need to work on my assignments due today. I told my mum and well, she wasnt exactly happy about it, but she understands.
   But im going into school for the afternoon, i have an oral maths test and my french presentation. And hopefully i will civics assignment and history done this morning!!

Ive just been out on a long walk, and now i have 3 hours on me to work before i head into school!!

^^dont mind my feet ;)

Breakfast ^^ & crisp bread with egg

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Dont feel bad for eating.

We all have days where we eat alot... or more than usual. And its nothing to feel guilty about.

As i mentioned before my weakness is salted nuts. I cant just eat a small handful... there is pretty much a 99% chance that i will actually eat the whole pack.
^^Me with salted nuts.

So usually i only buy a small pack. And ive told my mum to not buy salted nuts... as im addicted! Though of course today i bought a bag of salted nuts - i thought i would be able to just eat a little handful.
   Turns out not!! haha XD

250g salted nuts later ;) Feeling slightly sick... (in my belly.) definitely not used to the amount of salt and sugar...
   But an hour later im feeling better :) Drinking lots of water!!

And you know what, im not feeling guilty because there is nothing to feel guilty about. Its food. Yes, i may have eaten alot more than i usually do, but so what? I dont need to compensate or feel bad for it.
 

And i like to tell myself, Eat to grow!! I'll never build muscles if i dont eat enough and get enough rest ;)

So remember, never feel bad for eating. No matter how much you eat. :)

Me today

A lack of what to write. So here is how I look today!! Only had 2 lessons today.  Though cant call them lessons because in history we watched a documentary and swedish we played hang man? Was kind of annoyed that we had to stay in class. I mean I could have done better things with my time. And im wondering if I should even go ti my lessons tomorrow or not?

Tips!!

Some advice from me to you :)

In the morning, when you're really tired (or any time really!) drink a glass of lemon water (luke warm water with pressed lemon juice).
  Trust me, it will lift your mood!!!  For me, it works alot better than coffee!!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

12 hours later

What a long day -_-
    Back home again almost exactly 12 hours later. I left the house at 7.35 this morning, and came home at 7.20pm.
 
So, you must be wondering... what have i done all day? If im honest, im wondering the same thing ;)

The first thing lesson i had, we were surprised with a test.... Thats not fair. :/ And he is a nice teacher as well :/  So that kind of sucked.
    After that we had a very uninteresting civics lesson. All our courses are ending now, all the tests and work is completed, so there isnt so much to do in class. Which just makes me wonder why we even  have to attend.?? I mean i could actually be doing something useful with the time i spend just having to sit there listening to something which we dont even need to learn about? haha.

For lunch it was sausage (or vegetarian sausage) and mashed potatoe. Though i dont eat red meat and hate vegetarian sausages. So i ate salad and yoghurt with muslie... I got a few weird looks from people. -_-'

After that it was 4,5 more hours of complete and utter boredom... wondering what i was doing in school. And the weather turned grey and rainy, making my mood drop to zero. And i felt really sick and tired.
  But  i went to the shop and bought a Cola Zero and a Celsius (energy drink with vitamins!)
I felt instantly better, and my energy levels went up!! I practically skipped my way (in the rain) to the gym after school!!

Exercising makes me so happy!! And in the middle of Bodypump, i caught myself smiling and just realised how good i felt. How happy i felt!! My tiredness gone. And just feeling happy in my body!!
    The gym & exercising is my favourite thing, i can jsut relax and ive found more and more that im smiling through my workouts!! I jsut love it :)

Finally home at 7.20pm and time to quickly throw something together for dinner, and get some work done!! :)


Food pictures!

Busy all day, so here are some food pictures... :) So you have some inspiration!

When you stop worrying about food and calories, life becomes so much easier.

Worrying about food and calories, just shouldnt be part of your daily life. Though it is something which is on alot of peoples minds - not only those with EDs. So many people - women/girls mainly, are so focused on their weight. On food and calories. Constantly trying new diets, avoiding certain foods. Counting calories, and then feeling guilty when they do eat.
   But that shouldnt be the way people think. 

You should be able to eat food you enjoy, food which you like without feeling guilty, or have to compensate or trying to figure out how many calories you have eaten. From my own experience, counting calories is just a bad obsession. Too little calories isnt good.
   I eat 'clean', but you know what, i dont even want to call it that. Because you know what, i just eat food i enjoy. The food which i want. I dont deprive myself. If i want chocolate, then i will eat it. If i want a fruit, then i'll eat that.  I dont want to put a term on how i eat. I just eat what i want, and how much i want. Some days i eat LOADS, and other days its less.
  And you know what, i dont count calories. But i am not gaining weight and im not losing weight. My body is keeping me at the weight im supposed to be. It can cope with the extra calories i might eat one day, and its ok if i eat less another day.
 
I constantly read about girls who are so insecure about their bodies, and now that its soon Summer 2013. Its June, in a few days. Girls are going crazy trying to diet their way down a few kilo. But it really doesnt work like that. And feeling ashmaed or embarrassed about your body isnt good for anyone.
   Trust me, others see the beauty in you. And you need to learn to see your own beauty. And stop focusing so much on your weight, and what you see in the mirror. Find a hobby which you love. Spend time with friends, do things which you love. And take the focus away from your appearance.

I can tell you from my own experience, when i stopped counting calories, life became a lot easier. I ate what i wanted, when i wanted. I didnt feel this anxiety about going out to eat, or going to friends houses. I didnt need to figure out how much i ate. Instead i ate until i was full, and i didnt feel any anxiety afterwards.
   
Its time to start enjoying life, and enjoying food. Not just seeing food as figures.

Blah

Having a bad body day. :/ hate the way I look. I could start complaining about every little thing about myself. I feel trapped inside my own mind. In my thoughts. At the moment.  Feel like crying when I see myself in the mirror. :/
   Hate these days. I know these feelings will pass, but hate them.
  Really dont feel like being in public - especially not school. Im gonna have to fake smiles today. :/ blah.

Sorry for the really negative post. But I think its better to be honest. I mean nobody feels 100% happy or 100% body positive. Everyone has down days.
   Its just to get through these down days.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Words hurt


^^This is one of the truest things.

I have written about how words hurt many times before, so i am not going to repeat myself. But this is definitely something we should all remind ourselves. Making a comment about someone, or saying something nasty about someone - whether its straight to their face or behind their backs, nether is acceptable, as those words can truly hurt.

For me, i can take alot of physical pain. I mean, after years of inflicting so much physical pain towards myself - it was almost like i had turned off the pain, it was like i couldnt feel it anymore. Hence why i self harmed even more, trying to get rid of the mental, emotional pain.

But the thing which will break me, is words. They affect me like daggers being stabbed..... I have never been bullied, and hopefully never will be, so i cant ever imagine how it is to be bullied.
  But i mean, things which some people say - witout really thinking, or when you argue with someone. Those types of things can really break me.

If everyone was just more careful with words, i belive that people would feel so much better.

One thing which i dont understand is peoples need to bring other people down. To critisize and bully others, so that they feel better about themselves? I just dont know.

Productive day!! :)

Hello :)
 
I just want ot begin with saying, i know i have alot of viewers everyday more than 1000 individual readers everyday, but yet nobody comments? ;) It would be great to get some feedback :) Whether you want me to write about something. Or i dont know.... Hhaha
   No pressure :) As i do get lots of emails, but sometimes its nice to have a few comments :)
Even if its just feedback, like how i can improve? ;)

This evening has been a productive one. Since i came home -4pm, i have spent the past 3,5 hours busy working on my assignments, and it feels good. Ive been really productive, and if i admit i feel less stressed now. As there really isnt so much left, just corrections and editing!! *Such a relief* Ive even asked for extra time for my science essay, just incase as i didnt think i would have time to finish it. So that gets rid of a bit of stress!!
   I am now longing until Monday - which is my school day. Think, less than a week left!! Not so much work left.
  Though 2 days before my last day, i have a civics test... which makes me just think, WTF? as there is no way that our teacher will be able to correct all the tests before the last day - which is when we get our grades?
  But sure, some teachers are just mean... XD They just add lots of work. But i knew what i was getting into when i chose the school i am going to. Apparently my school is either the 2nd or 3rd toughest school in Sweden/Stockholm... not sure which? So it is a tough school, with high standards!!!

Its now 8pm and i think ive done enough for the day!! :)

Just want to remind you all, to not stress about school work - its easily done. But just try to focus on what you have to get done. And then decide on one day/evening where you will just sit for a few hours and be really productive!! It will make you feel so much, to just get your work done!! :)
   And dont leave things to the last minute!!

Oh what a day!

What a day....!!

My morning was a hectic one. My two classes flew by, and got to know my grade for those classes... (Grade talks is not fun. There is a new grading system here in Sweden, and its extremly hard to get an A. Its like we're being down graded. And if im honest, its bringing me down... I am not achievenig the grades i want :/  And even though i might not show it, it is affecting me. Though it feels like i am so tired, mentally tired. Its almost like ive given up, and feel so stressed to get these last tests and assignments done. :/)

After my two lessons, i had to head home again because i needed to get a white shirt (for House photo later - In my school there are Houses (like in Harry Potter!)) I ate lunch at home before i had to head back to school for the rest of my classes.

During my swedish test, we had a fire drill.... and the nearest exit was to jump out the window (we were on ground level.. So dont worry ;) ) You might be thinking, Great that it was in the middle of the test. But no, no it wasnt. Because it was an analysis and alot of thinking and alot of writing, i wanted to finish what i was doing, so i didnt lose my trail of thought. So i didnt think it was a good thing. :/
   
After that we had our House photos - everyone in our House (Pavlov, is the name of our House!) wore white shirts & our Pavlov ties!! We all looked so formel! I was in the very middle at the back .... Eeeek. Hope i look good!! ;)
   So will be exciting to see when the photos are hung up in the corridor :)

And now im home again. Feeling extremly weird. I cant quite put a word to how im feeling.. :/ I jsut sort of feel like screaming.... And running? :/


^^Jumping out of the window ;) 

Why I was late for school

I was busy making gifs!!! Is that a valid excuse for why I was late to school?

No I actually have a reason why im latw. While I was walking/limping to the bus station I realised I wouldnt be able to walk in the shoes I had on. I had to rub hone and change shoes - I have a blister as big as my heel.  Ended up having to change outfit.  :/ my foot hurts so much, but im just gonna have to walk around in socks in school! Haha.

Im on my way to school at the moment and not actually sure if I will ve allowed into the classroom! ! XD but I have a valid reason why, right!!? :)

Monday, May 27, 2013

2 less tests!

Finaly, Finally!! I have my 2 french tests done!! Its a relief to finally have them over with :) Though of course, my list of school work to do has decreased a little, but theres still so much to do!! I have a french presentation and a swedish test tomorrow, which i didnt even know about until today!! -_-
 
Anyway, my french teacher said that i have passed the course (or the national tests anyway!) which is a relief, because if im honest, i didnt even know if i would pass French. But tomorrow i will hopefully get to know my grade!

After my tests i met up D. We had planned to go to a cafe to sit and talk, but plans changed and we headed back to my place where we currently are. And im feeling very unmotivated to get my work done, and feel that i will do it later when D's gone.... or maybe not.?

How has everyones day been? :)

^^Ône of our classrooms!! (And i have no idea why there is a mirror in the classroom?)


Cake recipe!

If you ever feel like baking, or are planning on making dessert or just want a sweet treat, then make this cake!! It is so good!! I give it 5/5 !!!

14 pieces

Brownie bottom
130g butter
130g chopped dark chocolate
2 eggs
1.5 dl caster sugar
0.5 dl flour
1 tablespoon butter for form
2 tablespoons breadcrumbs for form

Berry mousse:
3 eggs, whites only
1 tsp caster sugar
1.5 dl caster sugar
4 tablespoons water
4 sheets of gelatine
4 dl (400ml) whipping cream
200 frozen, thawed berries such as blueberries, blackcurrants and raspberries

Garnish:
0.5 liters of fresh berries

Do this

Oven: 200 º
30 minutes & 3 hours in the refrigerator

Brownie Bottom:
Melt butter and chocolate in a saucepan. Beat eggs and sugar until fluffy in a bowl. Fold in flour and chocolate butter into egg mixture. Pour batter into a greased and floured form, about 24 cm in diameter. Bake in the oven for 10-15 minutes. Allow to cool. Remove the edge of the shape.

Berrymousse:
Whisk the egg white with 1 teaspoon sugar to a solid foam in a dry bowl, preferably stainless steel. Mix 1.5 dl of sugar and water in a saucepan and heat to 122 °. Pour the hot syrup in a fine stream into the egg whites while whisking gently. Whisk then sharply to a solid foam. Continue whisking until the meringue has cooled, 5-10 min.

Place gelatine sheets in cold water 5 minutes. Whip the cream until fluffy. Mix the berries to a puree. Strain any of the seeds through a fine sieve. Lift the gelatine leaves and melt them gently in a saucepan. Mix the gelatin in berry puree stirring. Slowly turn it into the meringue until smooth. Then mix  down the whipped cream.

Assembly:
Wash the edge of the shape. Reassemble the form. Add the cake in the bottom. Cover the edge of the form mold with strips of parchment paper, plastic film or transparency plastic. Fill the mold with berrymousse. Let stand cold at least 3 hours. . Remove mold edge and paper / plastic. garnish the cake with fresh berries.

Bild på Bärdröm
https://www.coop.se/Recept--mat/Recept/b/baerdroem/



LOL

haha, saw a picture similiar to the one i did below on a girls blog and decided to do a similiar one!!

^^Its not so accurate really! But whatever :)

Monday!

Start of a new week!! Getting closer and closer to summer holidays!!
   Most people hate Mondays, but i dont! Monday to me, is the start of a new week. Say if you had a bad weekend, then you can just start fresh again. You're also getting closer to certain things - whether they are good things or bad things!!
   I do love weekends most of all, but Mondays arent so bad!!! Its Tuesdays and Wednesdays that are tough!

Today, i have no lessons!!  ^_^ But in the afternoon i have 2 french tests -_- (And if you're wondering why im always writing that i have french tests, its because i havent actually done them yet. I was supposed to do them c.a 3 weeks ago but because of different reasons i havent been able to!! Its really annoying, as i just want to get them over with!!)
   
So this morning im planning on studying - it is afterall a Monday! - and going to the gym :)

Hope you all have a great Monday!  :)

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Successful dinner

And i actually managed to cook a successful dinner... with alot of jumps, burnt fingers and boiling pots!! 
  haha. And i did manage to burn the cashew nuts, and slightly overcook the broccolli and undercook the rice!! haha.
  I have this habit of leaving the kitchen while im cooking and doing something else - Ive gotten that from my mum!!

But the dinner turned out really good!!






And the cake turned out AMAZING!!  Soooo good!! ^_¨^ I could have eaten atleast half of the cake!!




^^Hahah... yes, i look weird. And yes im wearing my 'its raining and its sunday' clothes (im not always dressed up!)

^^I was tempting my dog - yes, i know im mean!


^^My cute&lovely mum!!

And yes i ate 2 and a half slices :) Because it was just that goood!
Hahah, and i said that i never had room for dessert. (But i did save myself a little for dessert!)