Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Never give up

Never give up!! No matter how hard life may be, no matter what you are going through, never give up. You have to keep pushing forward, even if it feels like there is this huge brick wall infront of you, then you have to fight through that brick wall. Make your way through the obstacles, because life gets better. 
  And i call tell you that from experience.

Today, in my french class i saw that one of the girls in my class had loads of self harm scars on her arm. I saw as some looked at her strange, almost moved away from her. Gave her weird looks. But me, well i almost wanted to reach out to her. I dont know what she is going through, but she obviously cant be feeling so well if she is self harming.
  I almost wanted to go to her and tell her that things will get better, that you dont need to self harm. There are other alternatives.
   I have self harmed, i know how bad the anxiety can be.... how you feel you need to get rid of the inside, emotional pain by hurting yourself so you feel physical pain. Though for me, it came to the point where i didnt feel the cuts/burns anymore. They werent painful. They were just some sort of relief. Self harming also became a habit.... a dark circle. It was my way of coping with anxiety.
  Though my best advice is just to ride the way of anxiety. The anxiety will pass.... you just need to last those first 20-40 minutes when it is worst, and then it will get a little easier. Though of course everyone experiences anxiety in different ways and has different ways to cope, and of course experiences anxiety because of different reasons.
  But you need to find a way to distract yourself when you have anxiety, whether its so you dont purge, or you dont self harm, or because of the anxiety of eating. Find somethign else to do, maybe call someone, or listen to music, or write, or go for a walk or something.... it gets better!!

But i also want to say, ive been at the bottom. I just wanted to give up, and i guess you could say my attempts at suicide was me sort of giving up. But i didnt die. I wasnt supposed to die, which i thought was unfair at the time, as i wanted to die. I couldnt imagine another day of living. Life was terrible.
  And i mean i can still have days, where i just dont want to live anymore.... but those thoughts dont last more than a day or two.
   But as mentioned, ive been at the bottom where my life was black and grey. I saw no hope. I saw no future. I was tired of living, i was tired of anxiety and self harming. I was tired of how i felt and my life.

    But its up to you to change that.... you have to change your life. But you cant give up, no matter how tough it is.

As the picture above says, pain is temporary, suicide is permanent. The pain will go away ,it does. Whether it takes a week, a month or 5 years. It will go away.
I know how tough it is, life is tough. The easy choice is giving up. But think about your family, or your friends. Of course, when you are so depressed that might not matter ( As it didnt matter for me. When you are depressed/sick you become almost egoistic/selfish. as you dont think about what suicide would do to your family. You just think about yourself, and think about your life.) I wrote a post before, about suicide. And the fact is, i understand both sides... the feeling tired of life. Tired of living. I understand that, but at the same time... i would never let anyone kill themselves.... No one close to me has commited suicide, which i am so thankful for, but i can still understand the pain of someone passing away, someone close to you commiting suicide.  Anyway, that post started quite a debate - almost.
   So im not really going to get into it.

But basically, please never give up. (I know ive repeated this about 10 times) but it is so important.
   Please email me or comment here if you need any help or advice. I am here for you, even if its just behind a computer screen.

^^Me while sick.^^
(I didnt want to post anything too triggering)

^¨Even if im not constantly smiling or happy. I will never give up, no matter what life throughs my way.

Good morning! !
   This morning it was ridiculously hard to get out of bed... both my body and mind protested. But I knew I had to, so I dragged myseld out of bed.
   Then for breakfast I ended up eating way too much so I felt sick and all I wanted to do was just lie down and not move.....  but nope, I had ro get dressed!! And I ended up rooting through all my drawers in search of tights -_- and then changing jackets 3 times before I was finally out the door and runninh for the bus.
   And then I come to a half empty school and stand waiting outside the classroom door for 20 minutes before I  realise that we dont have french today - clever. (Or im guessing we don't have french anyway as im still standing here waiting - haha). Usch.... I could have slept for c.a 40 minutes more :/
   Hate these types of mornings.

Theres not rrally enough time to do anything either... -_-  hahah.

Monday, April 29, 2013


  Im finally back home, and getting some energy into me :) I have barely eaten anything today -_- Time to eat a days worth of food this evening ;)

Anyway, as mentioned earlier, my first test went really badly. But my maths test went ok.... not aswell as it could have gone. But i dont think i failed ;)

After school, i participated in the basketball charity event. I havent played 'proper' basketball in years!! So it was kind of nervewracking, and i had no idea what to expect, or how it would go....
   Basically, it was 'half court'  and 3 on 3. (3 people on one team against 3 people on the other team)  and of course, the team i was in was all guys. ( have no problem with that.) But lets just say, they're not so willing to pass the ball to a girl on court. -_-  But sure, i participated?
    Somehow though, i really hurt my finger.... and i have a feeling ive sprained it or something, as i cant bend it and its all swollen and really hurts....  not so fun.
   After a few more matches - which i didnt really get to play in -_-'  It was the final match (which i did get to play in), and our team won!! Hahha It was really surprising actually!!
  Though i felt so silly when i got a medal and a prize, as really i hadnt done much!!  Hahah, but surprisingly, the guys acknowledged my work ;)

Now im home, as mentioned earlier!! And now its time to study. -_-


Uach. Feeling pissed off at the moment. .. my test about politics went absolutely shit..... :/ like I was almost in tears in the test room. ... the questions were so difficult. ..  I guess tgats what happens when you dont study. .. not looking forward to my maths test as it doesnt seem like I'll get a chance to study before the test.... *what a shit day so far:/* but whatever. ... im not going to stress about it. Theres more to life than a test or two....

Love this song.

I have  overlistened to this song this weekend :) haha.
But im addicted to it!

Busy Monday

Its Monday. Start of a new week... the only positive thing is that its getting closer to summer break! ^_¨ But otherwise, im not super excited that its a new week. -_- Once again, a busy week with lots of tests and assignments due. But there is no need to stress over that.
  Im just taking each day as it comes :)

Anyway, this is a scheduled post... first of all, Good Morning :) Its 9am, here.... and well, im currently doing my oral test about politics....  And there is sooo much i had to learn. But yesterday, (well, today... as this is scheduled!!) I barely studied at all....... -_- So no idea how the test will go. :/
   Im hoping it went well, but at the moment i have no high hopes.

And then this afternoon i have a maths test, and of course i was clever enough to forget my maths book :) huh huh. But hopefully i will have gotten some quick cram session in at school!!
  And then after school im playing basketball - its a charity event. Nervous about that, as i dont even know who my team mates will be... ohh and the fact that i haveny played basketball since i was 13/14. Or not properly anyway. I mean sure, ive half played once or twice in these 4 years but not really. So nervous about how that will go... Almost regretting saying yes -_- Eeeek.
And... today is my sisters birthday, and the great sister i am, havent bought a present yet. -_- So have to try to buy something today after the basketball match, to give to my sister later today.
  And then the evening will be spent finishing off my french assignment.

Sounds like a busy day? Yes... -_- And it sucks.

But i have one or two posts scheduled so there will be something to read anyway :)

Sunday, April 28, 2013


Sorry for no real posts today... and just loads of pictures. But im feeling like crap today. :/ Or in all honesty, i dont know how im feeling. Not happy. Not sad. Just... Im so tired of my life.
  It feels like ive sat here just thinking about my life for the past hour. And just wanting to change everything. I want to change myself. Just move somewhere, start a new life. Be a new person. But at the same time, with my fear of change, that wouldnt be possible.... -_-
   I feel like i am going crazy here at home. :/ I dont know what to do.... :/
  Usch. Anyway....

things to remember

Snack ideas :)

If you're bored of your usual snacks/breakfasts, then try something new :) Be creative!! Try a new food :)
  Here are some snack/breakfast tips :)

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Vegetarian buffee

 Hello everyone :)
  Ive just gotten home from a lovely evening! :)

My mum, P (her partner) and I took the boat over the water takes 5 minutes to walk there and takes 5 minutes with the boat. And then walked quite a distance - me in my heels (But suprisingly, it went ok :) ) to the restaurant. There we met my sister (who we were celebrating!) her boyfriend, and our aunt and her partner! (I always feel so alone in these types of situations. I always get asked are you dating anyone? & should we set you up with someone? -_- Hahah, one of these days i'll have a date ;) )
The food was soooo good :) I love vegetarian food! My favourite had to be the hummus & the bread!! (Im gonna start making my own hummus!).
  Of course, my aunt and her partner were both like 'Wow you eat alot.' -_- On the outside i just smiled and said, yeah. On the inside, my reaction was a bit like this:

Hahah, but seriously. I mean, you dont need to comment. :)
Nah, it doesnt bother me as much as it used too! Trsut me, before, if someone mentioned me eating alot, or about the way i looked. Then all hell would break loose.

Anyway, the food was really good!! ^_^
I enjoyed it alot! Surprisingly though, i was full after one plate? (Ok, thats not normal!! ^_^) i did have space for more bread though ;)¨

It was a lovely evening :) 

Time to go:

Im in a bit of a rush.. so the photos were just quickly taken :) heh heh


This is so perfect :)


One word: Delicious.
Its basically the same as yesterdays night snack:

Quark mixed with vanilla yoghurt & warm strawberries. & coconut flakes and sunflower seeds!

Tired and unmotivated

Im sitting wrapped in a huge jumper and a cup of green tea by my side. Im feeling tired and unmotivated. Dont want to do any work. As mentioned before, the more stressed i feel, the less motivated i feel. :/
   Instead of stressing myself up even more, im gonna take a break to just watch a series or something, eat a snack or soemthing and then get back to work :)

^^A bunny eating a flower :)

Motivating song

I remember posting this ages ago :) But it is a song which really motivates me :) It always has.
   I remember whenever i had anxiety, i would put on Superchick and listen to their songs really loud :)

I love the text of this song :)


Hello :)

My plans today are to have so much to learn - in so little time!
  And then this evening, we're going out to a vegetarian buffee to celebrate my sisters birthday (which in on Monday!) So im really looking forward to that :)
Now its time to get back to my studying :)

Progress pic :)

*Grow muscle, grow!!* :)