Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, March 31, 2013

There is something wrong with this strawberry!!

Haha XD ive just devoured 1 and a half packet strawberries ;) mmmmm

On the boat ;)

It was an early start this morning ;) but considering I wake early almost everyday... it wasnt so bad!!
First we had to take a bus for an hour to get to the boat station.  And then the boat was 40 minutes late... so my sister and I sat at the dock and ate our pre bought lunches ;)
   I had bought a chicken and bulgar salad ;)
  Now we're finallu on tge boat and we're munching on chocolate ;) its easter after  all ;)
   (Hahah... the picture only shows a fraction of what I have actuallu eaten ;))

Happy Easter

Happy Easter everyone :)  I hope you all have a great day, whatever your plans are.
  And remember, dont feel stressed or worried about food or spending time with family. Just take it easy. Take a few moments to breathe when you feel things are getting too much. :)

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Hello everyone :)

My day today hasnt been so special... just like the rest of the week and next week. I will be bored out of my mind...
  Whenever im in school. I hate it. But ive come to realise, that being in school. Having a routine and actually being out of the house for a few hours. Is so much better then just being indoors... like serioulsy? How do people manage it?
I mean, ive left the house and been to the gym today... but i feel i need to get out of the house.
 Im the type of person who, can get up early in the morning, and do things during hte morning and afternoon. But then i want the evening to be able to just watch a series or two, eat dinner and just relax.
  But i go crazy when im just at home... -_-

Anyway... tomorrow me and my sister are heading out to this island.. (haha. It sounds so desserted!!) Thats where P's parents live. And my mum and P left today, but me and my sister are heading there tomorrow so we'll spend Easter there. And we're not so sure how long we'll stay... just a few days maybe.
So yeah... thats my Easter plans. :) If anyone was interested that is :)

At the moment

Im bored.
Have alot of things on my mind.
Ive eaten ALOT of chocolate :)
I need a new series to watch.

Video: How to cope on Easter

^^My voice sounds really weird... -_- Hahha.^^

Easter Last year.

Last Easter was a very memorable Easter :) haha. It was memorable for me... and everyone else at the house. (None of them let me forget!)
Last year (Easter) I had spent the whole morning baking this 3 layer Easter cake and then when i was going to serve it.... Just as i was going to put it on the table. The cake slides off the plate and goes *splat* on the ground!! XD Everyone thought it was really funny... Me. I didnt think it was that funnny i had worked really hard on the cake! And everyone who was there always reminds me of it!! -_-

But otherwise, last Easter was really good :)

^^Splat!!!^hahah XD


Hello ;) sorry I disnt write yesterday! !
  Yesterday was a long day.... and I was anxious and restless.  Yesterday I got so bored and restless that I headed a shopping centre as I felt I needed to leave the house. But that just reminded me hoq I hate shopping.  So I headed home again afrer 20 minutes.
I also endesd up eating WAY TOO MUCH bread yesterday.  Which resulted in a huge swollen belly and cramps. I felt horrible.... -_- I really cant eat so much bread and that. ...

And then as I was bored d and in pain I just lay on my bed thinking.... and that resulted in anxiety -_-
  This break is going yo be looonnnggg. Im going to havw to do something everyday so I dont end up going crazy!! XD

Yup.  Tgat was my day ;) haha.
  Im planning to do one or two videos today... so we'll see if I actually cdo them or not!! Haha XD

Helpful website

Check out these 3 links :) (They might be helpful)

A healthy weight
Gaining weight
Relapse Prevention

Friday, March 29, 2013

Baking bread :)

How to cope with weight gain (Repost.)

I have posted this before... but im gonna post it again, as i have recently gotten quite alot of emails wondering about how to deal with weight gain. 

So i have been asked by a few if i could write about how to deal with weight gain, and pretty much the whole weekend ive wondered aboutwhat to write? What tips or advice can i give to help all of you (Or you struggling.) 
  I no longer have a fear of weight gain.... or more, i dont think about it. I dont need to gain weight...
  While reading back on some old posts i read, just to try to remember how it was... and realising that, even at the start of 2012, when i still had to gain weight... i hated it.
  Cus, really, i mean... who wants to gain weight? (Sorry i know this isnt helping.) but just stating the fact.
   Here is a post i had written about the Weight gain Taboo:  weight gain taboo 

How to deal with weight gain... it is hard.... i mean, seeing your body changing. Its hard for just normal people, and then for someone who has purposly lost weight... to have to gain weight.
But first off, lets forget about the scale. Forget about the number... because really, why is that number on the scale so important? It doesnt really have any difference on you, or your life (Or actually, it can mean freedom or hospital.. according to the doctors!) But i mean, it wont make you a better person,  a nice person, smarter, prettier or anything.... trust me. Its just a number on the scale.
  If that number was so important, then everyone would go around telling each other their weight... like, Oh my gosh, im 40kg (Said the 5'3 girl) ... im so much better then you.. to the 45kg 5'6 girl...  (Just made up some numbers... !!) But what im getting at is that, everyone has a different healthy weight. I mean, when i weighed 45kg, not even my lowest weight... then i was severely underweight... whilst someone who is shorter then me, who has a weight of 45kg, that could be there healthy weight....
  And my weight now 58/60kg... that could be considered over weight for someone who is shorter then me, but for me that is my lowest healthy weight...
   So lets forget about the numberr on the scale. And NO comparing your body/weight to anyone else. You are you. And dont need to look like anyone else.

Now... first of all, i am guessing that if you are reading my blog and need to gain weight.... you are underweight. And actually need to gain weight. So lets not lie to ourselves and tell ourselves negative things like, we dont need to gain weight. Because that most probably isnt true, if you have been told you need to gain weight.... because your parents/doctors/nurses arent lying to you, or trying to ruin you. (As i always thought!)

Now... trying to deal with weight gain. First of all... you know your body is going to change... but that isnt a bad thing. It is a good thing!!! I mean, who wants to be skin and bones?
   So get rid of your tiny clothes... jsut throw them away. And focus on, now you can buy new clothes! Better clothes. A new wardrobe. And these clothes will fit you even better!! Though, of course, there will be a whole deal new clothes during your recovery....
  but actually, even some clothes which i wore when i was at my lowest weight, still fit me!! That was because they were too big for me then... but you dont need to throw everything away! Not unless its triggering. But things like jeans... Just get rid of them. They wont help antyhing to keep them in your wardrobe.
2) Try not to spend too much time infront of the mirror. And wear comfortable clothes. During my weight gain, i hated weight tight clothes. I wore alot of baggy dress/jumpers with tights. I was constantly swollen and bloated, which of course isnt fun. and makes it seem like you have gained loads, when really you havent.
  And the thing is, you have to know that you will be bloated and swollen... and it sucks... but really. You feel more bloated then what you actually are. I mean, i remember feeling like i was 9 months pregnant. And ive seeen a few photos which were taken of me, when i felt huge, and really... i wasnt that big!!! XD
   But you will have to deal with feeling like that. And my best advice is to try to not look down so much. i.e looking down at your belly isnt going to help thigns... and of course, avoid the mirror.

3) Dont measure yourself... and do things like 'hand around your arm/thigh' and those types of things... they dont help. Just forget about it.

4) Be positive... Which is hard. I know. But tell yourself positive things. Good things. Dont bring yourself down. Bring yourself up. Compliment yourself. Remind yourself that you are you, and you are perfect just the way you are.
   Boost your self esteem and self confidence!! Trust me, we all need a boost of self esteem!!  Be body positive. Instead of thinking negative... if you feel negative thoughts ocming on, and just want to cut 'fat' onto yourself, or just stand infornt of the mirror and say a hundred bad things about yourself... instead.... tell yourself good things like... you have nice eyes/you're good at playing guitar/you have long hair etc etc.
  And instead of doing something self destructive... try writing/painting... or even tear paper to pieces can help with anxiety!!! Or if you are alloewd, go for a walk.... take your mind off things.
  Though the fact is, if you are having 'body hate anxiety' going for a walk or exercising can lead to compulsion... which will just lead you back to square 1. But if exercising helps deal with general anxiety then go for it!

5) Do nice things to your body... pamper yourself (i wrote about it in my previous post). Paint your nails, straighten your hair, wash your hair, face mask etc etc
   Somedays i love taking ego pics as well. But when you are having a bad day, and just feel fat... then i wouldnt reccommend taking pictures!! It can just make you feel worse... unless you are seriously photogenic!!

6) And dont see weight gain as a bad thing... but instead. Focus on something else. Know that you are gaining weight for a reason... for your health. And one day, you wont have to eat according to a meal plan and you wont have to gain wieght.
  I remember first of all i was scared to be told that i would no longer have to gain weight, because that would mean that i was normal... and that scared me. And of course, i didnt know how i would eat then... or what i would look like or anything.
  But then there came a time when i longed to be told that i no longer had to gain weight, so that i could jsut focus on accepting my body. Loving it... instead of dealing with the anxiety of gaining weight.

And now ,i am a  healthy weight... and i dont think about gaining weight or losing weight. I just love my body. I focus on healthy. I exericse and eat nice food. And dont deal with anxiety over my body (apart from those occasional days, which almost every girl has!!)

Just know that this isnt forever...

I wish, that i could give you some magical advice, Which would help with anxiety and dealing with weight gain. But there is no magical solution. You just have to know that gaining weight is for the best. You wont be ugly, fat or anything... though i know many relapse once they have gained weight, because they hate it... which makes me so sad to read, but i know i did it as well. I relapsed many times during m recovery, and that is very common. Recovering isnt easy.
  But the only thing i can say that, it gets easier... recovering. Eating. Gaining weight. When you decide to recover... for yourself. For your life. And that isnt something which anyone can force you to do... you can keep relapsing, and trying to recover for years on end. But you wont ever actually recover until you decide that you want to... and then, it will still be hard... but you will want to recover. And that is the difference.
Keep strong, and find your reason to recover and never give up.
No matter what your weight/size you are all beautiful, and that willnever change.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Who are my readers?

Hahah ;) all of my stalkers ;) nah.  Dont worry I know your not!! ^-^ and I dont mind anyway. I mean if I posr something online, I want others to read it ;)
But ita got me thinking... who are my readers? Who reads my blog.. .and why? :) Ive askee this agea ago... but I have more then a thousand readers everyday (though you wouldnt think so!) And im interested in knowing who you are? As I mean... you all know everything about me ;)

Last day in school :)

Im sooo happy :) I definitely need a weeks break :)
So yeah... that was my little updating post!! :) haha *My life is so utterly boring*


^^ That was almost exactly me yesterday!

When i finally got home,and i sat infront of the computer i felt how tired i really was. Could barely keep my eyes open. Like, i was almost falling asleep while eating XD
   So i ended up going to bed at 9.30, as i knew i needed sleep :)

You gottta listen to your body!! If you are low on energy, you either need to eat something or sleep. Its important for you to listen to your bodies signals :) It will make life alot easier!!!

I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle my last day in school - before my easter break!! -

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Back home after 12 hours

Surprisingly im not so tired!!! Though I am looking forward to spending the rest of the evening infront on the computer!! Haha !
  Today ive had a long day in school and afterwards I hit thw gym ;) yup... that sums uo my day :) haha

How to build muscles.

Hey!!! :) i was wondering if you could write a post about how to build muscle. I've been trying for the past year and I feel exactly the same as I started. i thought it could be because i was eating too little, but then i started eating alot and felt very full, which made me uncomfortable, so i stopped. i do hiit running and strength. Also do soccer. But. cant seem to see or feel results. i workout around 30 mins a day is that enough? i luv your blog its the first thing i do when i wake up... check your blog, thank u so much :)

First of all, thank you so much :) And second of all, i cant say im on expert on the topic, but i can give you the advice that i do know, and with a bit of Google help :) 

I know how it feels, when you see absaloutly no progress. And just stuck... it sucks. When i first started exercising again, well... i didnt realy have any aims. I just loved exercising, and i was taking it easy. Just liking the feeling of exercise. But then eventually i started forming goals for myself, like running longer, more repititions, and eventually i decided i wanted to build more muscle, to tone up.
   Building muscle requires extra calories, roughly 500 more then your BMR. But of course if you exercise, then you need to eat your BMR & the calories you burned & roughly 500 more... So it becomes alot of food. You can either see that as a good thing or a bad thing.
   Personally for me, i see that as i good thing as that means that i can eat alot of food like nuts, peanut butter, avocado, salmon etc... and all of those are very good healthy fats. Which your body needs. Also by making smoothies, thats a great way to increase your calorie intake if you are trying to build muscle.
   And of course, one of the main factors of building muscle, means that you actually have to break down your muscles.... which of course is best done at the gym, but you can also do home workouts, such as push ups, sit ups, squats, lunges etc etc. Building muscle usually means building muscle endurance and resistance, which is best done with strength training and weight lifting.
30 minutes is great amount, but if you want to build muscle/tone up. Then those 30 minutes should be very intense.... to get a full benefit. Because like i say, a tough 30 minute workout is alot better then someone who does a 90 minute one where they spend half of it just sitting around, or not giving it there all....
HIIT workouts are great ot build endurance and strength!!So keep that up!! :)
I have read in some places that they say that you shouldnt do cardio if you are trying to build muscle. But i do both anyway, as i love cardio alot more then strength. Though the fact is then that if you actually want muscle growth, you have to eat a hella lot of food XD Which is a struggle for me to. But as i mentioned earlier, eating nuts, PB, avocado or making smoothies are a great way to get those calories in!

Diet is a huge part of toning up/bbuilding muscle... you want to eat a diet which has good carbs, healthy fats and alot of protein! Having a good diet makes a lot of difference between seeing results and not seeing anything!

And remember, building muscle takes Alot of time... so be patient. And just keep motivated.

Here is some information i got from Gooogle on how to build muscle :)

Siebers recommends using a heavy enough weight to feel resistance, but not strain or pain. Your individual body will determine just how much that is, and you should err on the light side at first; five pounds may not seem like a lot, but it's better to be conservative than suffer.
And how much should you work out? According to the American College of Sports Medicine guidelines, beginners should do at least two days per week of any type of strength-training exercise. Your workout should consist of 8 to 12 repetitions each of 8 to 10 different exercises working all the major muscle groups -- chest, back, shoulders, arms, abdominals, and legs. (A repetition is how many times you lift the weight, pull the rubber tubing, do a pushup, or whatever.)

Both free weights and weight machines work well, and experts say there's no evidence that one is superior to the other, so this is largely a matter of choice.
Machines are a good idea for people who are overweight and/or out of condition, since the exercises are generally done seated and with back support, Seibers says.
But if machines are not an option, investing a few dollars in a set of light dumbbells and/or some resistance tubing can give you what you need to start toning those muscles.
Whichever option you choose, keep your moves basic at first, the experts say. For the arms and upper body, try these exercises:
  • Chest presses
  • Reverse flies for the back
  • Overhead presses for the shoulders
  • Bicep curls
  • Triceps kickbacks or extensions
For the lower body, don't start out with squats and lunges, which can put too much impact on weak joints. Instead, try:
  • Quadriceps extensions for the front of the thigh.
  • Hamstrings curl for the back of the thigh.
  • Side-lying or standing leg lifts to work the inner and outer thigh.

 For example, if you work the biceps, back and legs one day, work the triceps, chest and shoulders the next time you train, Siebers says. Alternating between muscle groups gives the ones you worked plenty of time to recover.


Hopefully this has helped somehow :) Just let me know if you would like some more information :)

Todays to do:

Outfit of the day

The creepy feeling when you get up, get ready and are about to leave when all of a sudden you realise its not thursday. Its wednesday. (Luckily I start at roughly the same time on both days. So im not late.) But I realise ive packed the wrong books .... -_-'

Also... in the middle of the night... my Spotify suddenly started playing!! It was so frickin weird! Im feeling very zoned out.... as if im pain medicine or something?

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

No motivation

You can tell that im school motivated right? Blogging when i have to study for a  test tomorrow and got two essays due tomorrow which i have to send tonight -_-
   Usch. Absaloutly no motivation at all.... Damn Tuesdays.

And now you're most probably all sitting there thinking......