Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Monday, February 4, 2013

tired and no energy

I ma so unbelievably tired... i have no energy whatsoever... my body is slow and doesnt want to do antyhing and my mind isnt co-operating .I feel like shit.
   I am someone who doesnt really say my feelings - hence why i have my blog. - I dont admit when im struggling, or sad or angry... i dont say much about myself, or how i am feeling.
  But today, when my mum got back from work (she is working evenings again.) i just burst into tears... school is so stressful, and everything is piling up. And it feels like i dont have the energy for it... im just staring at my to-do list... wishing for it to decrease... or just dissappear. But neither is happening. Im working. Im working hard. Spending 6-8 hours in school each day, doing 1-2 hours homework each day...  but yet, i feel like such a failure. I dont want any mores tress or pressure i dont want anymore work...
  i feel so tired.

Now i am sitting in  my comfy clothes, under my blanket with a cup of green tea. I have given up actually trying to get any work done tonight as it is just not going to happen...
  its only 8.30, but i am pretty sure i will be asleep before 9pm.... :/

Im also wondering, am i actually happy?I smile and laugh, but only when im in school, when im outside of schoool i just feel sad and angry... am i just faking it? I dont know, in school... apart from the work, i generally like it... i like being away from home. Not thinking about certain things. To be with friends and to be able to laugh and smile... but once i leave school (Which i love doing everyday.) i feel sad again... but at the same time happy to go home? ... 
Im rambling, but i feel so mixed up.... i feel like a mess. And at the moment, i never want to leave my house. I never want to leave my comfy bed. I dont want to wake up... i dont want to live another day.
  I just feel so mentally exhausted from everything... life takes so much energy. 558149_329940667123854_359700104_n_largeTumblr_lu7t64sreh1qc144qo1_500_largeTumblr_mbflodtx9z1rtzzyto1_500_large

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  1. I am sorry that you feel so bad :( I guess you may be a perfectionistic person who is hard on yourself and very intense and sensitive and prone to anxiety and depression, which is the type of person who tends to have anorexia? (Like me). Now that you do not use anorexia as an escape and a way to cope with these hard feelings, you use good coping skills and just ride out the bad times, which means that you are incredible and a fighter, and have come a long way, so you should really be so proud of how you are doing. Depression doesn't necessarily go away when anorexia goes away, some people are more prone to depression, but it is how you learn to cope that counts and I think you are pretty amazing!

  2. You remind me a lot of myself when I was at school (I had also gone through anorexia).
    You work hard, are a perfectionist with a growing outlook on life. Sounds like you are going through a bit of stressful time, which seems like an understatement!
    When you are faced with your to-do list, do you think you look at the big blob of it all, or do you focus on each task, one at a time? Sometimes, doing the latter actually alleviates the pressure a little so you're able to tick off each step calmly and in a more productive way. I hope you do well and feel less pressure soon!
    I agree with Po that it's how you cope that matters, and from your blog description, I can deffo tell you have the right attitude :)

    Princess xxx

  3. I'm sorry you're not feeling great at all. I wish I could help you, but I haven't found a solution for that one yet. Keep your head up, and try not to stress so much. Just take it one day at a time. Or one hour at a time, if that helps too. Just try not to stress yourself out too much, as that only makes it worse.
    Wishing you the best. Xxxx

    1. thank you :) Im trying not to stress so much, as i know ti jsut makes things worse!! Trying to stay positive.. but sometimes i just need to vent :)
      Hope you are doing ok :)