Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, February 18, 2013

Suicide.

Personally, i have never thought anything bad about suicide. I have never though it is egoistic and never understood how others could be angry by people who take their own lives. Ive always thought, we'll its their own life, its your choice if you no longer want to live. And im not going to lie, i think i am always going to think/feel a bit like that.
  But that is because of everything ive been through in my life. I have been depressed, and tried committing suicide several times, and been close to commiting suicide. I know how it feels to just want to die, to just want to give up. To not have the energy to struggle, or to live any more. But at the same time, i have also felt what its like to really live. To be so happy, that you would never ever feel like ending your life.
   
But today, i read another girls blogg and i guess you could say she has been through the same thing as me, wanting to commit suicide and being at the very bottom. But after losing a loved one, she realised how egoistic suicide really is.

And it made me think.... Suicide is really egoistic. I mean, all your family and friends. You would end your suffering, but all your doing is placing it onto your family and friends. Whether you believe it or not, you are loved. People care for you, even if it doesnt feel like it.
    I remember in summer/autumn when i was talking with D, and during that time i was  feeling very low. Or, both of us were. And both of us had the same thinking pattern, and we ended up talking about suicide. And i mentioned how, i wanted to die. All i wanted to do was jump infront of a train, just end it all. And that i had been thinking about it alot. And she said that she wanted to die aswell, but the fact is...i would never ever let her kill herself. Even if she was/is feeling like absaloute shit, i wouldnt let her do that. Because i care for her. But for me, i dont see anything wrong with me killing myself. And she said the same thing... (or, about she wouldnt let me kill myself, but she didnt really care about herself.)
   
How can we be so nonchalant about it... Or more, about ourselves? Never ever would i let someone i know, or even...dont know, let them take their lives. But i can so easily think it wouldnt matter if i died?
   
Suicide should never be an option, because you know what... you never know what is around the corner. You just have to have hope. A quote, which i read a few weeks ago went: The very last thing you give up is hope. And at first, i didnt agree with it. Thinking, well, ive given up hope many times. But you know what... i havent. There is always a little hope inside of me, that things will get ebtter. That i will feel better. And you know what, i do. I dont feel suicidal or depressed anymore... i think that i will always have ups and downs in my life, that i will have periods were i feel depressed and even suicidal, but as long as i am strong enough to keep going. To not give up, then i know i will be ok.
   So after thinking about it, i think that quote is absaloutly right, because you know what.... when you give up hope 100% and believe that things will never get better, that things will never change. That is when you completly give up..... when you believe that there is no hope for you. And that is what has happened to me during my low-lows. That i was so tired, and gave up hope.

So never give up hhope. Never stop believing that things will get ebtter, because they will. Even if it takes time, even if you go for months on end feeling like shit. Because you know what... i did. For the past few months, i have felt very low... depressed/suicidal. But i never gave up. And now, for some reason... i am feeling alot better. and i am glad that i never gave up.

You have been given this life, a life to live. And you can just mess up your life, ruin your life and then end it. Or you can fight for a happy life. For a life which you enjoy living.
  Think of all the people who want to live, but dont get the chance. Think of the people diagnosed with cancer or other deathly illnesses who only get a certain amount of time left. Or all those people who die in accidents...they want to live.
  And what are you doing? Throwing your life away. This might come across bitchy, or mean... but stop feeling sorry for yourself. That is such an easy thing to do when you feel bad. You want attention. You feel sorry for yourself... i've been there. I know what its like. But just realise that this is your life. You cant throw it away. End your life, because of some problem you are going through now..... we all have problems. But we have to be stronger then that.

Please please please dont give up. Suicide is not an option.

6 comments:

  1. My brother committed suicide. I don't think I know how to describe how it affected my family, the feeling that will never ever go away, because there is no closure with suicide. You will always have this gaping hole inside of you, could I have done something more, is it my fault, thinking about the most terrible feeling on this earth to feel so low that he actually did it - suicide does things to the people left behind that will never be resolved. On the other hand, I actually understand why he did it, he was suffering terribly. So I am not sure if I think it is selfish, but I do know that a suicide will damage family and friends and haunt them forever.

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  2. Needed this...badly

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    1. I know how hard it can be, but never give up. <3

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  3. This is good. Very good. I always get so much out of your posts. Thank you <3

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  4. I very much disagree with this post. I mean, i've been in a really low place for months upon months now. I actually can't remember the last time I was hpapy. Even though i've been trying so hard to be happy. But I don't ever tell people when i'm sad, and I rarely ask for help. I don't trust people. I don't do what I do to get attention. I never want attention. I'll give help to everyone else, but I don't want help myself.
    So yes, in some ways suicide can be selfish, but in others, it isn't. I don't know how to actually explain what i'm thinking. But i'm trying.
    I guess it depends. I mean, sometimes things take a long ass time to get better. And sometimes, it's just impossible to hang on that long. Sometimes it isn't. I guess it just depends on the person.

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