Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Sunday, February 3, 2013

How to cope with weight gain.

So i have been asked by a few if i could write about how to deal with weight gain, and pretty much the whole weekend ive wondered about what to write? What tips or advice can i give to help all of you (Or you struggling.) 
  I no longer have a fear of weight gain.... or more, i dont think about it. I dont need to gain weight...
  While reading back on some old posts i read, just to try to remember how it was... and realising that, even at the start of 2012, when i still had to gain weight... i hated it.
  Cus, really, i mean... who wants to gain weight? (Sorry i know this isnt helping.) but just stating the fact.
   Here is a post i had written about the Weight gain Taboo:  weight gain taboo 

How to deal with weight gain... it is hard.... i mean, seeing your body changing. Its hard for just normal people, and then for someone who has purposly lost weight... to have to gain weight.
 
But first off, lets forget about the scale. Forget about the number... because really, why is that number on the scale so important? It doesnt really have any difference on you, or your life (Or actually, it can mean freedom or hospital.. according to the doctors!) But i mean, it wont make you a better person,  a nice person, smarter, prettier or anything.... trust me. Its just a number on the scale.
  If that number was so important, then everyone would go around telling each other their weight... like, Oh my gosh, im 40kg (Said the 5'3 girl) ... im so much better then you.. to the 45kg 5'6 girl...  (Just made up some numbers... !!) But what im getting at is that, everyone has a different healthy weight. I mean, when i weighed 45kg, not even my lowest weight... then i was severely underweight... whilst someone who is shorter then me, who has a weight of 45kg, that could be there healthy weight....
  And my weight now 58/60kg... that could be considered over weight for someone who is shorter then me, but for me that is my lowest healthy weight...
   So lets forget about the numberr on the scale. And NO comparing your body/weight to anyone else. You are you. And dont need to look like anyone else.

Now... first of all, i am guessing that if you are reading my blog and need to gain weight.... you are underweight. And actually need to gain weight. So lets not lie to ourselves and tell ourselves negative things like, we dont need to gain weight. Because that most probably isnt true, if you have been told you need to gain weight.... because your parents/doctors/nurses arent lying to you, or trying to ruin you. (As i always thought!)

Now... trying to deal with weight gain. First of all... you know your body is going to change... but that isnt a bad thing. It is a good thing!!! I mean, who wants to be skin and bones?
   So get rid of your tiny clothes... jsut throw them away. And focus on, now you can buy new clothes! Better clothes. A new wardrobe. And these clothes will fit you even better!! Though, of course, there will be a whole deal new clothes during your recovery....
  but actually, even some clothes which i wore when i was at my lowest weight, still fit me!! That was because they were too big for me then... but you dont need to throw everything away! Not unless its triggering. But things like jeans... Just get rid of them. They wont help antyhing to keep them in your wardrobe.
  
2) Try not to spend too much time infront of the mirror. And wear comfortable clothes. During my weight gain, i hated weight tight clothes. I wore alot of baggy dress/jumpers with tights. I was constantly swollen and bloated, which of course isnt fun. and makes it seem like you have gained loads, when really you havent.
  And the thing is, you have to know that you will be bloated and swollen... and it sucks... but really. You feel more bloated then what you actually are. I mean, i remember feeling like i was 9 months pregnant. And ive seeen a few photos which were taken of me, when i felt huge, and really... i wasnt that big!!! XD
   But you will have to deal with feeling like that. And my best advice is to try to not look down so much. i.e looking down at your belly isnt going to help thigns... and of course, avoid the mirror.

3) Dont measure yourself... and do things like 'hand around your arm/thigh' and those types of things... they dont help. Just forget about it.

4) Be positive... Which is hard. I know. But tell yourself positive things. Good things. Dont bring yourself down. Bring yourself up. Compliment yourself. Remind yourself that you are you, and you are perfect just the way you are.
   Boost your self esteem and self confidence!! Trust me, we all need a boost of self esteem!!  Be body positive. Instead of thinking negative... if you feel negative thoughts ocming on, and just want to cut 'fat' onto yourself, or just stand infornt of the mirror and say a hundred bad things about yourself... instead.... tell yourself good things like... you have nice eyes/you're good at playing guitar/you have long hair etc etc.
  And instead of doing something self destructive... try writing/painting... or even tear paper to pieces can help with anxiety!!! Or if you are alloewd, go for a walk.... take your mind off things.
  Though the fact is, if you are having 'body hate anxiety' going for a walk or exercising can lead to compulsion... which will just lead you back to square 1. But if exercising helps deal with general anxiety then go for it!

5) Do nice things to your body... pamper yourself (i wrote about it in my previous post). Paint your nails, straighten your hair, wash your hair, face mask etc etc
   Somedays i love taking ego pics as well. But when you are having a bad day, and just feel fat... then i wouldnt reccommend taking pictures!! It can just make you feel worse... unless you are seriously photogenic!!

6) And dont see weight gain as a bad thing... but instead. Focus on something else. Know that you are gaining weight for a reason... for your health. And one day, you wont have to eat according to a meal plan and you wont have to gain wieght.
  I remember first of all i was scared to be told that i would no longer have to gain weight, because that would mean that i was normal... and that scared me. And of course, i didnt know how i would eat then... or what i would look like or anything.
  But then there came a time when i longed to be told that i no longer had to gain weight, so that i could jsut focus on accepting my body. Loving it... instead of dealing with the anxiety of gaining weight.

And now ,i am a  healthy weight... and i dont think about gaining weight or losing weight. I just love my body. I focus on healthy. I exericse and eat nice food. And dont deal with anxiety over my body (apart from those occasional days, which almost every girl has!!)

Just know that this isnt forever...

I wish, that i could give you some magical advice, Which would help with anxiety and dealing with weight gain. But there is no magical solution. You just have to know that gaining weight is for the best. You wont be ugly, fat or anything... though i know many relapse once they have gained weight, because they hate it... which makes me so sad to read, but i know i did it as well. I relapsed many times during m recovery, and that is very common. Recovering isnt easy.
  But the only thing i can say that, it gets easier... recovering. Eating. Gaining weight. When you decide to recover... for yourself. For your life. And that isnt something which anyone can force you to do... you can keep relapsing, and trying to recover for years on end. But you wont ever actually recover until you decide that you want to... and then, it will still be hard... but you will want to recover. And that is the difference.
   
Keep strong, and find your reason to recover and never give up.
  
No matter what your weight/size you are all beautiful, and that will never change.
 

40 comments:

  1. Thank you very much for this post. I've lost a lot and gained a lot of weight back and forth and the gaining part I think is the hardest thing to manage...I'm currently in that weight gain phase and it's so comforting and helping to read this :)
    xoxo

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    1. Agreed. Yoyo can feel like an uphill battle. But at least this normalizes it. It's not just you!

      www.nynomads.com

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  2. I agreed. The gaining part has been rough for me because I have trouble seeing what is really there. Your post was spot on and I plan to use some of the tips. Thanks a bunch!

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  3. that was lovely, as always :3 great reminders that your weight is not you!

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  4. You are a lot younger than I am but, this strikes a chord with me and had really inspired me to try and make an effort to gain weight. Despite telling everybody I would ( I'm 5ft4 and weigh 42kg) I know in my heart that I haven't been trying. Or if I have a day of eating lots, I substitute it with a 'lean' day plus more exercise the next. I'm trying to remember how I even got to this stage, I THINK I had a goal but all that's happened is I am now skinny, sinewy, very muscly (because I do lots of exercise) and yet all I see is a fat stomach. Having read your blog I feel better knowing that if someone as brave as you can achieve 'normality' again then maybe I can too. So thank you,

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  5. Thank you for taking ti time to write this. I appreciate being able to read something coming from someone who shared the same worries and has experienced it all first hand. Your an inspiration, thank you

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  6. Thankyou for writing this it has really helped me deal with weight gain. I have just started recovery and have been given a meal plan and every time I get weighed the number on the scales terrifies me (despite the fact I know I need to gain weight and feel fat at 45kg 5'7) which is stupid I know. But your blog post has put me in a better frame of mind and now feel like I can tackle this, Thanks again x

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    1. I am glad that i can help in some way. Keep strong in recovery!! And dont listen to the voice in your head, do the opposite :)

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    2. I think this is a great post. While there is a lot of information out there on eating disorder recovery I have found very little on how to deal with actually gaining weight, something I personally am struggling with. My bmi is 19 which I suppose is normal but for me I think it is too low as I am boney and everyone tells me I look ill and need to gain weight. If I keep going the way imam I will lo semore, however very recently I have been eating more. While the food tastes great I struggle so much after words. I keep crying imagining I'm gaining huge amounts of weight. I found this post very inspiring and will definitely take on board all these recommendations!

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    4. Im in a mess. I am currently eating loads of rice ! Meats! Veg , beef, all oily food. Ad i will vomit cos i eaten too much fatty food and carbo . I will overdose laxative too... But now i been trying to stop laxative whenever i can . And i drink load of horlicks w milk alot ! To keep my weight health maintain. I know i gained but it not th correct way of eating . Cos i probably gain unhealthy and all de sugar level high make my liver blood high. I wan to be well what can i do to start a new and be strong? Is there way for mi to eat little

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    5. Eat little and wont feel uncomfortable for mi ?
      Cos currently i binge and vomit but i tell myself not to vomit out all . Cos i wan my health. Anyone can tell mi how to eat right where do i start ? Cos i need to face all this by myself

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  7. Can i ask how long is th bloated ad swollen last,); im in a mess

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  8. Thank you so much you said so many things that are exactly what I'm dealing with! I always feel so bloated like a balloon and I'm scared of gaining weight and being "normal" again. Anorexia became such a part of me I don't know if I can stop myself from relapse once I gain the weight.

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  9. I have dealt with anorexia since I was a toddler.Our dad was horrid,abusive in every way imaginable,and he wouldn't let us eat much.He would lock the cupboards and fridge,and we were only allowed very small portions of salad without dressings and grapes.My mother even told us how he would make sure she didn't breastfeed us for more than an allotted amount of time so we wouldn't gain too much weight.We were babies and already on a diet before taking our first steps!I am just starting to recover again,this is not the first time I have struggled with this.At age 22 now I was just below 82 pounds at 5 foot 9 last week.Dealing with Ed for so many years has made it difficult for me to accept that I have to do this,Not only for me but for my beautiful son as well.I've done many programs,hospitalizations,been to more therapists and psychiatrists than I can count,and have gone through hell and back.I struggle with knowing the scale is going up and I know rationally that right now its just bloated because its being fed more than 100 cals and fats now.There are days I get really upset,but its to be expected.I am trying to learn to love myself and enjoy life because I never truly have gotten to do either of those.We all need to support each other in recovery,I have an issue with that because I isolate and I find if I go out in public people will see how fat I am etc.Basically all the neg thoughts.Asking for help or admitting that we have and ED is not easy.And some places that you call when you get that one bit of hope up and want that help,they won't always give support or be understanding.Most just automatically say"you need to be hospitalized" and hang up.So find something out there,someone that works for you.We cannot do this alone,we need strength in numbers!

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  10. what do you mean by don't do the "hand around your arm or thigh thing" because I want to understand more about that cuz it seems like ive been doing it and my mom caught me..

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  11. Look i really need help, i am depressed, terrified and anorexic but i don"t know who to go to, any suggestion please help!

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  12. Don't give up on recovery food makes you beautiful its just that it is hard to understand that when you struggle with food eating issues too. I too couldn't eat I was anorexic and its been a long hard and at times lobnely road. I have gone from relapsing to denial to tears and my famili mom especially have been affected by it tht even now she is still cautious about me and food etc. I am at the momenting normally acrtually a lot more comnpared to before. I love food and my anarexia wasn't that I hated food its just one tend to not seperate food and weight gain. What helped was trying to eat balanced and healthy though its hard especially if you struggle with certains food grouips but I assure you there are good sources of carly don't make you fat I just don't exercise as much as before and lately I'm concerned about starting though I get obsedsd with both exercse and watching what I eat. Even though I eat a lot and drink a lot of water too I still struggle a lot to accept myself at times and its hard still tonot only because I. My eating disorder made me view my mom as my enemy who just wants me to be fat and who soss. Actually my fear was to be told nolonger do I need to gain and I have been told that lately oes me a little than before. I'm fitting too tigt in my clothes and it makes me want to hide and lose it all but there is more to life than juist weoght loss. Stay strong remembr this is a journey to recovery its hard its hard yes it is but the longer yuou remain disorderly you jusrt make your life harder fopr youi. Xx

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  13. Good post about quick weight gain.Before it can make you feel worse, I mean eating high-calorie food may not be healthy, it can reasonably arrange some normal snacks-eating plans which can append some excess calories it cannot be engaged in everyday diets.Overall, it is useful post for Quick Weight Gain.

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  14. Thank you so much for this.

    I am sitting at work feeling terrible and big, and googled 'how to cope with feeling big' because I'm just having a terrible time with it. This was very helpful.

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  15. Thank you for writing this.
    I'm trying really hard to recover from about 9 months of binging and purging. I can't seem to talk myself into accepting I'll look okay over 6 stone 7 at 5 foot 3. I was okay with gaining weight back before I got this point. I'm hoping this blog will help me keep going.

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  16. I think I've gone past being at a healthy weight, and should actually be trying to lose weight in order to be healthy and fit. I put on weight in the past year, after having maintained my discharge weight for about 3, because I started drinking a LOT of beer. My doctor thinks that must be the reason, and I agree, but it's so hard because I started drinking because I felt fat at 102lbs and although it was just body dysmorphia, I started to drink to stop worrying about my weight, even though I knew drinking beer would make me gain weight and my habit was counterproductive. Do you have any advice for those in recovery who are now on the opposite spectrum and are overeating or becoming overweight? I hope I don't trigger anyone, I know how tricky it can be to find a healthy medium, as I have gone back and forth for years and been in and out of rehab for a different type of ED each time- I'm just having a hard time finding answers to my particular problem. I know how tof rehab for a different type of ED each time.

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  17. have you tips for people other than you? people who before anorexia were well overweigh and after coming back to eating - look chubby, have cellulite and saggy skin? i am one of tehm and have no way of coping:(

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    1. If there's a way to send messages in here, please feel free to message me.

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  18. and it`s not you need to approve this comment to make it vsible - i am just looking for ways to cope, you can email me on kat.myga@hotmail.co.uk i have suffered from ano&buli for last 15 yrs.kasia

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  19. Foodaddicts.org
    Food addicts in recovery anonymous has worked for me! 6 years free from my bulimia, over eating or under eating!

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  20. Hi, I just wanted to say a huge thank you for this. I have always been under weight and at the grand old age of 28 i have finally started to reach my target weight of 8 and a half stone. This is terrifying and I feel like a beached whale most of the time. the line about feeling 9 months pregnant just completly sums up how I feel and I am constantly fighting with wanting to get rid of the weight.
    It is hard to look at the positives, but just knowing i am not alone feeling this is really helping.

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    1. Me too, I just found out that I have to gain a lot of weight and right now I'm not even allowed to exercise and I FEEL SO FAT when i eat as much as I'm supposed to I hate how I can stick my stomach out really far it makes me just hate my body. ._.

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    2. I know how you feel. I have gained slightly and need to gain a lot more but find the challenges from the nutritionist difficult at times. After a gain, it put me in such a bad mood that I didn't add ther challenges to my diet plan. i still eat but feel like a cheat too as i have these mixed feelings of enjoying the food but knowing i need to eat a lot more and then querstioning what is wrong if i am eating and enjoying it. I am struggling to just do what the experts say even though i want to recover. its a daily battle and trying to read the supporting comments helps so much. Do I sound silly? Any advice greatfully received!

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  21. Thankyou for writing this. I have been struggling for years with the horrible feeling that comes with gaining weight. I am now just within the healthy range and i feel great, but the feeling of bloating and overfull still stays with me. I often still get nervous about going out and eating because often when i do i can feel people still staring at me to eat more. But this blog makes me feel as though i can cope longer and stronger than ever.

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  22. I am very much lucky to get your blog that is really helpful for me to weight gain. It gives me much pleasure to get enough idea. Thanks for posting.

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  23. Thank you!!!I am so happy I found your blog! THANK YOU

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  24. And who pays for these "beautiful new clothes?" It is bad enough that I had to go up a size that I didn't want to be but it feels like a punishment to have to buy bigger clothes when it is my team pushing me to gain!

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  25. And who pays for these "beautiful" new clothes? My therapist? I can't afford it. I feel like they pushed me into it, they should have to pay.

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  26. Thank You so much. i just found your blog and it helped a lot. I am currently recovering from an ED and it is tough. I have days when I really want to quit and give up, I feel fat and worthless. But your post really helped me, that quote at the beginning made me cry because it is so true. I hope that I will eventually learn to love my self again. Thank You <3

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  27. I think I have to try hard more after reading your blog. Thank you

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  28. Has anyone dealt with your metabolism going out of wack. I have finally gained weight but it feels like I can't stop gaining. I feel like going back to my old ways because my weight won't stabilize. Is my metabolism ruined? I went from being too skinny to a little overweight. I had never been this heavy even before anorexia. I was always skinny as a kid.

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  29. i,m in my 50s so my ed is 40 years in the making. i`m ednos but trying to recover FINALLY!i feel guilty all the time and also guilty for having to admit that ed has become a major part of me. my other half is incredibly supportive but he makes no secret of the fact that he finds me physically unattractive.i feel like hes holding me to ransome to get me to gain weight. now when i look in the mirror i see a body that is too fat for me but too thin for him. whichever way i look at it i`m ugly.i`ve been sticking at the weight gain but fear it wont be long before i leave my fela and seek the comfort of ed cos he accepts me regardless.

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  30. Hmm it seems like your website ate my first comment (it was super long)
    so I guess I'll just sum it up what I had written and say,
    I'm thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog blogger but I'm still new to the whole thing.
    Do you have any suggestions for newbie blog writers?
    I'd certainly appreciate it.

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  31. Heya i'm for the first time here. I came across this board and
    I find It really useful & it helped me out a lot.
    I hope to give something back and help others like you
    helped me.

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