Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Anxiety over school.

I hate the feeling when you feel stupid. I know im not stupid. I know that i am smart and good in school, im motivated... but recently... i dont feel motivated at all. I dont want to go to school (Have i ever wanted to go?)
  But it feels like the more work that is piling up, the more assignments we get... the less motivated i feel. I am so tired of staring at this list of essays, tests and assignments due... and i can study. I can write my essays... but until they are actually due/until the test date, they will stay on that list of to do and just make me feel even more stressed.
 
I feel awful. And have loads of school anxiety... i dont want to go to school. I dont want even more work to do, it feels like im barely breathing. I just want to do nothing. I dont want anymore homework... i dont want anymore work.
   And like i mentioned above, the more i get... the less motivated i feel. And then i feel even more stressed and even worse..... Usch.

recently i have been really calm, and havent felt stressed about school... but now, now i feel im panicking. It feels like i cant quite breathe.... just thinking about everything. I've had enough of school. I knew when i applied to the school that it would be tough, and what i am currenlt ywondering is... how is everyone else in my class faring, as i can say, i am one of the most motivated & dedicated in my class. I.e always do my homework, get good/top grades and plan things.... so if i am stressing, how does everyone else feel? But really, it feels like i am the only who is stressing....
    But the very worst thing about it all, is that this is my first year and supposedly the easiest?... and that just leads me to thinking about the 2nd & last year..... My sister is currently in her last year of school, and she is tkaing her huge exams... and the amount of work she has.... well, at the moment im thinking more suicide then actually having to go through that amount of work & stress.... can you tell that i cant manage stress or school very well? -_-
  And also, i am so scared of the future and growing old. That is my biggest fear.... growing old. I dont want to be young, i dont want to be a teenager, but i seriously dont want to be an adult either.... Of course, it would be nice ot live on my own... but seriously, all these grown up questions... 'economy, house, job, husband etc etc....' usch. Just the thought of growing old makes me want to jump infront of a train... :/
   I dont know what to do with my life... or myself.... :/

6 comments:

  1. I understand exactly how you are feeling because I am going through the same phase as you are at the moment. My advice for you is to relax, let it go and take it easy. Step back and breathe. Just calm yourself and say to yourself "It is okay. I can handle this. Things will be good." Usually if you think positive, things will end positive. Just be like water and go with the flow!

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    1. You are completly right!! Ive tried being positive.. staying calm. And its worked. Its just some moments when it hits me, and then i start panicking....
      I hope things get better for you too!! :)

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  2. I also understand what you are feeling. I went through this for four years, until the end of last year. Along with school, I graduated as a teacher of kindergarten and first grades. The classes and my internship ended in December, also comes out of my work and changed my status. Now I'm temporarily "vacation." I miss school and to lessons, I had time to study that always left me stressed so many things to do. I spent two universities to study journalism but I didn't make the registration, so I will not study until the middle of the year and I don't work more, so that's what is making me panic...

    Stay calm, everything will work out, think positive, try relax. If I can help with anything, feel the urge to talk to me.

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    1. Thank you so much.
      Keep strong you too! :)

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  3. Do you have a break coming up soon? I'm in my second year of university right now, and it's a constant roller-coaster of just trying to keep up with assignments and readings. Sometimes thinking about that break though helps to get through it :)

    Also, it's ok to feel overwhelmed. I was feeling really burnt out my first year, stressing about assignments because there was too much all at once...it's just really important to prioritize. Take a moment to breathe. Decide what's the most important thing to focus on at the moment, and try to put everything else to the side (if you can't work on it now, there's no point in stressing about it, right?).

    When you finish it, reward yourself! (it could be something as small as watching a movie, or just chatting with friends - whatever you enjoy, really), and let yourself be happy about what you've accomplished before moving on the next. Those little breaks can really help in getting through all the work :)

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    1. Yeah i have a break in 3 weeks... and im just trying to survive until then!! haha... then i know i can partially relax! :)
      Ive made a to-do list, and put what is most important and what is due first. So i can prioritize and not start on all the assignments at once - which i like to do. I am going to focus on onething at a time! And i know it will get better, i just have to stay calm and stay focused.
      :) You are completly right, sometimes i forget to 'reward' myself for the work which i have done... i just focus on what i have left... how much more work i have. Which of course makes everything seem worse!!

      And thank you for the tips and for caring!

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