Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, February 28, 2013

food food food.

Guess what the first thing i did was, when i got home? ;)

Made myself some food!! Hahah XD I almost feel a little deprived of food lately... LOL xd 
   While away, my eating habits have basically been... take a fruit with me to fill me with energy during the days and eat lunch & dinner at weird times :) But thats ok. I dont have a problem eating at weird times and just eat what im served :)
  Though of course.. it will be good to be able to eat my 5-6 meals a day again !! haha XD Have some sort of schedule :)

And gosh.. i have missed swedish food :)

2 bowls of greek yoghurt with dried fruit and nuts and seeds & an apple and an orange later, i have satisfied my stomach... But im already looking forward to breakfasrt :)

Mmmm... .FOOD:)

On th bus on thr way home.

And now its roughly 90 minutes until im home again. Cant explain my homesickness.... just want to come home to my own room - my own apartment.
   Its been a long day travelling - 12 hours in total. Feeling exhausted.
   Today ivw pretty much over dosed on chocolate and fruit.... but thats what happens when you just havw to buy something quickly to eat!!
   I have many pictures to post when I come home again ;)

On my way home.

And the last day in Ireland :)

This is a scheduled post... so no idea if i survived (LOL) or what i have been up to or anything... This is just a message saying that i am now on my way home to Sweden :) 

And hopefully that you have liked the scheduled posts :)

Spam mail -_-

My answer: No Thank you!!
^^^^I think you sent this to the wrong email!! LOL 
Hahaha... I think i just sat here laughing for the past 5 minutes.

After thinking aboit it. I guess this trip has been really good.  That it is my  owm personal issues which is tge problem.  But o have learnt things about myself.
   Nobodies perfect.  Everybody has flaws.
   Something which I habe realised is that I still have control issues. But instead of trying to control fpod and my weight.  Im trying to control situations and my life. And I mean its no problem wanting to have control. But ive realisrd that I get anxiety when I dont know what will happen or how tge day will go. I need to learn to go with the flow.
   I need to learn to change routines and let go of control.

Another challenge type thing for me is sleeping ar someone elses house..... I hate it. And don't sleep at friends houses unless I pass out drunk/ too wasted to get home.
   But I have no problem with friends
Staying at my place.....

So now I have learnt somethings about myself.

I am glad to go home...  even though its beenn good here.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Chinese for dinner

It was actually really nicee!!! :)

Anxiety... go Away.

Ive had a great day today.... but now. Im all alone. With my thoughts and my anxiety growing making me feel a little crazy.
   I just want to go home.... how I feel now. I never want to travel again. I get too home sick.  I cant manage it.
Today ive spent the day in town with my best friend and have bought a few new clothes. Which is nice :)
Tonight we're havig chinese take away. In all honesty I havent eaten chinese for almost 7 years. So can't say if I like it or not.... not even sure what we're getting...?
All I want to do is be alone... but at the same timr. Im going to go crqzy if I just sit with my thoughts. ... :/ usch.
Take me home.


Things I wish I had known about recovery sooner:
  • You will not gain weight at the same rate as you mentally recover.  Give up on that dream.  You will not always look the same way that you feel.
  • You will not always be motivated.  Recovery is not rainbows and sunshine.  Going back to your disorder will be easier than continuing to fight it.  (You are strong enough to fight it).
  • Recovery is not comfortable.  You are going to have to go way beyond your comfort zone.  Sometimes you will be so uncomfortable and upset and afraid that you swear that you can’t take it.  You can take it.  You can tolerate it because some part of you knows that it’s worth going through this to recover.
  • Speak up.  It hurts to open up, but it can hurt more to keep things inside.
  • You don’t get to pick your natural weight.  Your body decides.  You have to let go of trying to keep your weight at a certain number.
  • Change is terrifying, but give it a chance.  Don’t go back just because it is what’s comfortable to you.
  • No one else can fix you.  They can help you, guide you, support you and encourage you, but only you can make the real changes in your life.
  • Recovery will not give you your perfect dream life.  There will be flaws.  You will still cry.  You will not feel happy or beautiful all the time. You might feel happy sometimes.  You might feel sad sometimes.  That’s okay.
  • Your eating disorder is not your identity, it is not your life, it is not the only interesting thing about you. It is a part of your past, and a part of your present, but it is not the only thing in your past, not the only thing in your present, and it does not have to be a part of your future.
  • Sometimes the small victories are the things that make recovery the most worthwhile.
  • You are far stronger than you believe.
  • Recovery is possible



Babyish to post these? Maybe just a little. But you must admit, they are very cute and very right :)

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Do you struggle with binge eating?

I went through a period while i was recovering where i started to binge, and it was awful... though that happened due to stress, and me not eating enough... and after a period of 2 months or so, after going back to my 6 meals a day. I stopped binging. And it has been a whole year since i have last binged. (Sure i have days where i eat alot. But its a contrlled amount... its not this, feeling of uncontrol where you cant stop yourself from eating...)
  And i have got alot of emails from people wondering if i could help. I have written posts about it before, but i found this (down below) on Tumblr, and thought i would share.

Binge eating is not fun, whether it is during your recovery from anorexia, or you just have BED due to emotional problems, or mental or just out of sheer boredom. It is awful. But you have to learn to take control of the situation. And remember, starving or skipping meals wont help with you binging.
  But one of the best tips, is to eat from all the food groups (especially carbs. As a lack of carbohydrates in your diet can lead to binging) and if there is a certain food which you know you binge on... then dont buy it for a while. Not until you know that you can eat that food in moderation. :)

Do you struggle with binge eating disorder?

Binge-eating disorder is a serious eating disorder in which you frequently consume unusually large amounts of food. Almost everyone overeats on occasion, such as having seconds or thirds of a holiday meal. But for some people, overeating crosses the line to binge-eating disorder and it becomes a regular occurrence, usually done in secret.What is binge eating disorder?
Signs of binge eating disorder:
  • Feeling out of control when eating.
  • Eating compulsively.
  • Constantly thinking about food.
  • Eating in private.
  • Eating to the point of being full or to the point of feeling sick.
  • Eating to relieve stress or to comfort yourself.
  • Feeling guilty, ashamed, or disgusted after eating.
  • Feeling unable to stop eating or prevent a binge although you don’t want to binge.
  • Eating very quickly.
What are the health risks of binge eating disorder?
Over time, compulsive overeating usually leads to obesity. Obesity, in turn, causes numerous medical complications, including:
Physical Risks:
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Gallbladder disease
  • Liver problems
  • Kidney problems
  • High cholesterol
  • High blood pressure
  • Heart disease
  • Certain types of cancer
  • Osteoarthritis
  • Joint and muscle pain
  • Gastrointestinal problems
  • Sleep apnea
  • Weight Gain
Emotional & Social Risks:
  • Stress
  • Loneliness
  • Feelings of worthlessness
  • Weight obsession
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Suicide
  • Restriction of activities due to embarrassment of weight.
Treatment For Binge Eating Disorder:
  • Psychotherapy: A type of counseling that helps to develop a healthy relationship towards weight and food.
  • Medication: Some medication can be used to help control depression and anxiety that may be associated with an eating disorder.
  • Nutrition Counseling: A type of counseling that helps to restore normal eating habits.
Books to Help With Binge Eating:
Tips to reduce binging:
  • Brush your teeth frequently.
  • Keep cravings and unhealthy foods out of your house- out of sight, out of mind.
  • Avoid grazing or “hanging out” in the kitchen.
  • Do not buy in bulk or bring home leftovers from a restaurant. Chances are you will binge on them all once you are home.
  • Make pre-packed healthy snacks so you can grab one on the go to satisfy your hunger and reduce cravings.
  • Do not diet or deprive yourself of foods you love. MODERATION is key!
  • Do not bring money with you to school, work, etc. so you won’t be tempted to buy snacks from the vending machine. Instead pack your own healthy ones!
  • Find ways to better cope with your stress and emotions -> Do NOT turn to food for the answer! It only makes things worse!
  • Eat when hungry but eat slower.
  • Drink lots of water before and while eating - it will help you feel more full.
  • Use smaller plates and cut food into pieces while eating.
  • Focus while eating: Do not mindlessly eat while watching tv or while distracted by any other activity.
  • Keep a food diary- this
What to do rather than binge:
  • Go on tumblr!
  • Read health books or any other kind of book!
  • Make a craft.
  • Paint your nails.
  • Take a bath.
  • Find a new hobby.
  • Do a scavenger hunt.
  • Redecorate your room.
  • Update your ipod.
  • Go to the gym.
  • Go for a walk/run in your neighborhood.
  • Hang out with a friend.
  • Go shopping.
  • Find a penpal or write to a relative.
  • Go through your old stuff and donate whatever you no longer need!
  • Write out all of your goals and reasons why you should not binge!
  • Send nice messages to your followers!
  • Watch tv.
  • Sleep.
  • Play cards.
  • Do chores.
  • Go on an adventure.
  • Tan.
  • Drink tea.
  • Chew gum.
  • Do yoga.
  • Watch youtube videos.
  • Vent to someone.
  • Make yourself a glitter jar. Shake, stare, relax.
  • Make a journal or collage.
  • Play a game (an app , board game, computer game, or other video game, ANYTHING!)
After a Binge:
  • Drink lots of water: It helps to eliminate toxins and get rid of water weight.
  • Eat asparagus: It will help to reduce bloating.
  • Eat fruits and veggies: They are a perfect, low-calorie snack. And they help to replenish nutrients!
  • Workout: This will help to boost your metabolism.
  • Drink green tea: This is a great way to counteract a binge! Green tea is high in antioxidants and will help boost your metabolism!
  • MOVE ON: You cannot change the fact that you binged so you must forgive yourself! If you remain mad at yourself it will only make matters worse! Focus on making tomorrow better!! Everyone has bad days! You just gotta pick yourself back up and move on!
Please reblog this if you struggle with binge eating! Even if you don’t please reblog this for your followers who do!

The problem with fitspo.


I felt i had to share this:

I see a lot of people reblogging fitspo as a “healthy” alternative to thinspo, but it’s important to realise that there isn’t that much of a distinction between the two. Idolizing anyone’s body can lead to unhealthy thoughts and behaviour, and if you choose to look at these images it’s important to do so with an awareness of their potential problems.
  • I’m sure you’re familiar with the issues associated with pictures in the media. Makeup artists, hair stylists, professional studios and photoshop ensure that most of the time even the models don’t look like themselves. Even if they really do have the type of figure that you covet, this is a product of their lifestyles. It’s part of their job description to look a certain way, so they can dedicate a substantial portion of their lives to maintaining their body. This probably isn’t practical or advisable for most people. Furthermore, these models are subject to so much pressure and insecurity - you don’t know what unhealthy extremes they might go to in order to keep their jobs.
  • But you see normal tumblr users in fitspo all the time, and they don’t have those advantages, right? Well they do have the advantage of being represented in a single snapshot of their lives. They can choose to take a picture when they’re not bloated, or when they’re tensing their muscles, or when they’re standing in a particularly flattering way. These people do not necessarily look that way in day-to-day life. People with visible abs don’t necessarily have them all the time (or even most of the time). It only takes a little bit of normal bloating for them to disappear - the photos they take might just be well-timed.
  • The person in that picture is not you! You could follow their meal-plan and exercise regime word-for-word and you’d still never look like them, because you are two different people. So many factors come into play, such as height, bone structure, genetics, body type, etc. If you look at somebody else and say “that’s my dream body”, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Don’t try to look like someone else, because you probably never will. Instead, aim to look like the best version of you, whatever that may be.
  • People tend to think that fitspo represents people who are healthier than in thinspo, but that’s simply not true at all. In both cases you have no idea what lifestyle the model leads in order to look the way they do. Sometimes people assume that if someone has muscles then they must be fit and healthy, but this is just wrong. In the same way that the “unhealthy looking” slender person in thinspo might be perfectly fit, the “healthy looking” girl with abs in fitspo might have starved herself in order to make them show. If your aim is to lead a healthy lifestyle and become fit, it’s not productive to idolize people who are the opposite.
  • Fitspo promotes the idea that there is an ideal type of body. This can alienate a lot of people, especially when you consider the percentage of people that actually look like (or even have the potential to look like) the people featured in fitspo. Every body is beautiful, but we live in a society where everyone is brainwashed to think that certain traits are desirable. Being constantly bombarded with fitspo both on tumblr, in the media, and in day-to-day life can shred people’s self-esteem for no good reason, and lead to an unhealthy mindset.
I’m not going to tell you to stop looking at fitspo, because there’s nothing wrong with appreciating beautiful bodies, whatever their shape or size. And of course there is nothing wrong with looking like the people featured in fitspo do, just like there’s nothing wrong with looking completely different. Just be critical of the media you view, and try to keep a healthy mindset.


^^Liked this, so felt i had to share :)

I have no idea what day it is....

At the moment I am mentally living in the future. Picturing how the next days will be..... I.e my way of trying to get some routine into my days.... so, this weeks chalenge change of routine. Is going....ok.

Anyway. Our plans today are to head out to where we used to live - the country - and where my friends live. So im gonna spend the night at my friends house :)

- old school photo from me and my sister :)

Monday, February 25, 2013

Oven baked pancakes!

As i am away, i have scheduled  a few posts over the next 2-3 days, just incase i dont have internet access!! :)

Here is a great pancake recipe, which i love :)

Ingredients for 1 person:
1 dl (35 grams) of fiber oats or other oats
1/2 dl (30 grams) Graham flour
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp vanillia extract
A pinch of salt
2 eggwhites
1 dl (100 grams) milk
1 dl (100 grams) low fat natural yoghurt (Or cottage cheese or curd/quark)
How to do:
1: Set the oven at 225 ° C degrees.
2: Mix the oatmeal until it has become as a flour.
3: Mix all the dry ingredients.
4: Add the remaining ingredients.
5: Pour the batter into a oven safe  bowl.
6: Bake in the oven for about 15 minutes.


When Healthy becomes Unhealthy.

I felt i had to share this, because i know that many when they are trying to recover turn to eating healthy and clean, as a way to minimize anxiety, and thinking there is nothing wrong with eating healthy. But there is a balance between healthy, and unhealthy-healthy!

June 2009 Issue
Orthorexia: When Eating Healthy Becomes an Unhealthy Obsession
By Lindsey Getz
Today’s Dietitian

There’s a fine line between including foods deemed healthy in your diet and eating nothing but! Teaching your clients the value of all foods can help them forge a healthy relationship with eating and may prevent them from taking their diet to a potentially dangerous extreme.
What could be wrong with a desire to eat healthy? After all, promoting healthy eating is part of a dietitian’s job description. But when the urge to eat healthy foods becomes more of an obsession, there may be an eating disorder in the works—and the consequences can be dangerous.

Although it is not yet a clinically recognized term or disorder, orthorexia is gaining wider recognition as cases continue to emerge and capture media attention. Steven Bratman, MD, author of Health Food Junkies — Orthorexia Nervosa: Overcoming the Obsession With Healthful Eating, coined the term to denote an eating disorder characterized by an obsession with eating foods deemed healthy.

Orthorexia could easily begin as simple healthy habits but then spiral out of control, adds Sondra Kronberg, MS, RD, CDN, a national liaison for the National Eating Disorders Association and the cofounder and nutritional director of the Eating Disorder Associates Treatment & Referral Centers and Eating Wellness Programs of New York. “The person takes something that’s normally considered healthy and good for their body and takes it to the extreme,” she says. “They wind up with disordered thinking and psychological torment. The behavior becomes restrictive to the degree that it begins to interfere with the person’s quality of life. And what starts out as something they are controlling becomes something that controls them.”
Unlike anorexia or bulimia, orthorexia is not about the desire to become thin. “The driving force seems to be a desire to eat a perfectly healthy or even ‘pure’ diet,” says Deborah Kauffmann, RD, LDN, owner of Mindfulness Based Nutrition Counseling in Baltimore. “For instance, organically grown vegetables and fruits may be thought of as ‘safe foods’ [for both those with anorexia and orthorexia] because they are seen as healthy and low in calories. But artificial sweeteners and diet frozen meals, which usually seem acceptable to someone with anorexia, would not be seen as acceptable to someone with orthorexic tendencies. Conversely, expeller-pressed canola oil may be acceptable to someone with orthorexia but not someone with anorexia because of the fear of weight gain due to eating fat.”

If you have a client who follows a particularly restrictive diet, try to gain a sense of their feelings about food and whether they’re behaving obsessively. “In other words, if they go to a party and they’re only serving fried foods, are they going to be devastated? Are they not going to eat all night? These are signs that their behavior is extreme,” warns Tribole.
“Also look for any patterns that your client has become overly ritualistic when it comes to their diet,” adds Stokes. “If you find out it takes them an extraordinary amount of time to shop for food, that could be another indicator.”

Like other eating disorders, orthorexia may also have a lot to do with control. Those with orthorexia often want to be able to heavily regulate the health food they consume. Kronberg says this may be particularly true of clients who have an unmanageable illness and have become desperate to take control of their situation.
“If they have some illness or disease that medicine could not cure, they may become obsessed with their diet, something they feel they can control even when they can’t control the disease,” she explains. “Maybe they have cancer and they follow a macrobiotic diet extremely rigidly. Or maybe they have multiple sclerosis and they read a book that said to eliminate animal protein. These behaviors can start with good intentions but can lead to a restrictive diet, which isn’t healthy for the client.”

A recent article on orthorexia that appeared in The New York Times reported on an 18-year-old girl who began her struggle with food when she started eliminating all carbohydrates, meats, refined sugars, and processed foods from her diet. By the time she had gotten rid of all of the foods that she thought were not “pure,” she had brought her daily calorie intake down to only 500. Her weight fell to 68 lbs, and she was repeatedly hospitalized until she finally received help and restored her weight.
Which food(s) your client may obsess over depends largely on his or her own experiences. “It’s all based on information,” says Kronberg. “People may have become carb restrictive because of the Atkins diet or fat phobic because of some various theories they’ve heard. It’s all about what they read or what they hear, and the obsession differs from person to person.”


Woke up early this morning and filled with energy!! Ready for the day. Ate breakfast - my old typical irish breakfast - cereal and milk. And a coffee.
  Then I put my dog on her leash and went out for a long walk. The sun was shining and it was so beautiful!!! :)
  Rught now im sitting by the window with the sun shining on my back :) maybe it wont be so bad? ;)

Weeks Challenge.

Oh yes, a new Weeks challenge :) Who joined in with my previous weeks challenge (To say 3 positive things about yourself each day!!?) How did it go? :)

This weeks Challenge is.... To change your routine.

As you may know, i am currently in Ireland. And that means.... a change of routines. Which you know what, Yes. Does give me a slight bit of anxiety. Because you know what... I hate routine change. I hate when things change. I mean, i get anxiety just sleeping anywhere that isnt my own bed.
  I love travelling, but i get homesick straight away. And hate the fact that i no longer have my routines.

So this week, I want you all to change your routine!!! This is something very important, and even I, myself have to learn to do this.
   For me, it is involuntary this week. My routines Are changed, and i have to deal with it.

But for all of you, i want you to pick a day... where you change things. Instead of going for your walk, watch a tv series. Go for your walk at a different time. Or jsut change your schedule around. Or do something spontaneous.
  And yes, if you are like me, and hate change.... Then you most probably will have anxiety, which is the main reason for not wanting change, or making change happen. But you have to stand out with that anxiety.
Just do it for one day, or if you are feeling strong and willing to change... then do it for the whole week, where you change your routines. It wont kill you. Rise above the anxiety.

And good luck :) If i have internet, i will try to keep you posted on how i am coping with my routine changes!!! -_-

Let me know how its going, and if you are deciding to join in this week! ;)

A 3 hour bus ride awaits..

Sitting on the bus, waiting for the 3 hour ride that awaits.  But ive got magazines. A HUGE pepsi max and fruit to keep me going.

At the moment I am filled with anxiety and just want to dissappear. I want to go back to Sweden. Sleep in my own bed. Eat swedish food (im sorry for offending all UK/irish people) but actually I dont like irish food.    Maybe its just from when I was sick.. that I have built up this thing that I hate the food... but I dont know.
   And I hate the lack od routine .... and memories from when I was sick are flooding back.... :/ but I am just going to stay calm. Listen to music amd focus on other things. And rekind myself that its only 4 days I have to be here....

Sunday, February 24, 2013

My day so far

Its 4pm and i'm packed and ready :)
After breakfast and done packing i realised i had a whole load of hours to wait until we were actually leaving... and restless as i am, i wanted to get rid of some energy so headed to the gym!! The gym isnt as packed as it was in January... You can tell who is dedicated and who just made a New Years resolution... But its nice that its not as packed as it was :)
   Got home and made a huge lunch followed by a little sweet snack - Vanilla yoghurt & raisins and almonds. (in the picture)
   And also had time to take my dog for a short walk & take some photos, and of course take some ego pictures - So that you dont forget what i look like :)  Hahah!

Keep Calm and Travel On.

And im off...... :)

Both nervous and excited!! I love travelling, i dont mind spending time at the airport, or sitting on the aeroplane (Though i have a feeling that i've jinxed it by writing this out and that im gonna hate it today!! haha ) 
Im not sure if i will have internet in Ireland... but i have scheduled posts for each day :) Some good information & facts coming up :) So dont forget to keep checking :)
  & of course if i do have intenet, i'll update on how things are and what ive gotten up to :)

Otherwise i will be back on Thursday :) Only 4 days away :)

Hope you all have a great next 4 days :) 


Just letting everyone who has emailed me know, that i am going to try to email you back today, but if i dont get a chance then you'll have to wait a few more days... Im sorry about that. But i'll really try to email you all back today!! :)

Pancakes for breakfast!

Had decided to sleep in today as i'll pretty much be doing an all nighter tonight (as our flight is in the evening and in total it takes about 8/9 hours to get to our destination (i.e my dads house) in Ireland.) 
 But of course, my bodies own alarm clock & my rumbling belly made me wake up at 8am... 
  So it was just to get up and satisfy my stomach - which was rumbling!!!

This morning it was oven baked pancakes :) I ma addicted to them :) It's filling & the pancakes are all soft and yummy :)
  (A recipe is coming up one of these days :) i.e its scheduled.. but not sure which day i scheduled it!!)

Now im gonna get ready, maybe go for a walk or something.... 
We'll see :)

Have a great day everyone!

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Sooo... what have i done today?

Not much really!!

Pretty much just been inside..... Ive watched series episodes, ive packed my bag, ive cleaned my room, ive studied french (Blah! No offence to anyone who likes french... Its just that i suck at french. -_-). Ive washed my hair. And just after eating a late dinner which was home made gnocchi (So good!!!) and my carrot and zucchinni fritters :)  
   Feeling slightly restless now after a day of nothing....  But at the same time, i know my body needed that :)

Tomorrow i'm travelling to Ireland... (I know ive mentioned it like 5+ times before!!!) i did have quite a bit of anxiety about it.... and i dont even know why. But its not as bad now... Or more, as i know i have to go..... :/ I would love to just skip going though... but i mean we've paied for the tickets.  I'm not there for so long anyway... so im sure i'll survive :) Or i hope so anyway!! haha XD I dont even know why i feel so anxious about travelling to Ireland... But its mainly due to family problems recently....

^^My afternoon snack & Oven baked pancakes

After lunch.

It feels so good to know that i dont have to study!! :)
   I am now going ot take time to sort through all my photos - (I have about 1000 on my phone which i need to put on my memory card and about 500 on my actual camera!! And i need to sort through my memory card!! :)) So its time to play some music and start sorting :)

And eventually begin to pack today... -_-

Missing alot of people right now...

Friday, February 22, 2013

Food Diary

Got asked if i could post a food diary... so here goes.
(BTW... do you like when i do food diaries/post pictures of what i eat?)

Breakfast: Oatmeal made with egg whites, quark, walnuts, banana and soy milk.

Snack: Protein powder(Protein shake)

Lunch: Chicken piece & vegetarian lasagna & salad

Snack: Oatmeal with half a banana, quark, sunflower seeds & dried fruit & 2 crisp bread with becel spread.

Snack 2: C.a 100g quark with mix of seeds and dried fruit & half a banana & 2 crisp bread with becel spread.

Dinner: Chicken salad & veggies.

Snack: Home made chocolate brownies :)

Hahah.. that was my day of eating :) Usually i just eat 5 times a day & a fruit/some nuts here and there :)


Do any of you ever get so angry, irritated and frustrated at your parents? Feels like i could scream at the top of my lungs from anger/frustration at my mum!!
  She doesnt see anything... Usch. She annoys me so much. And usually i can keep calm, just lock myself in my room and avoid her.
  But today... I cant seem to keep myself calm.

Right now, all i want is an escape... just run away. I cant stand living with my mum anymore. I just want to move out. Live on my own... not have anything to do with my mum anymore.
To keep me from arguing with my mum, or worse... taking the anger out on myself. I put on my shoes and jacket, and went outside and walked for a while and called my sister. I felt the need to vent.
  She knows and understands me... as she has been through the same situation. Though she is lucky enough to actually have moved out... Usch. Why is it always the younget siblings who are stuck with their parents...
  Gosh.. why are parents so annoying? -_- Its like she's trying to control me... or even more, she knows what makes me angry and mad... but yet. She still says/does those things...
    -_- Uggh.... I thought it would help to write everything otu. But its just making me more angry... -_-

Cant stand living with my mum....

And also, the anxiety of travelling to Ireland in 2 days time, is adding to stress and anxiety levels... Really just want to dissappear and escape for a while -_-

hungry. Hungry. Hungry....

Feeling hungry.hungry.hungry!! haha XD Since ive come home, it feels like ive devearoued the content from the fridge and cabinets!! (Good thing that mum's going food shopping!! -More FOOD!) haha XD
   But its just to continue eating until im satisfied :) I have no problem with that!! :)

Actually... Ive noticed... ive been eating alot more food recently as ive been so hungry... and instead of bloating ... ive actually started noticing my abs and muscles even more :) Just goes to show, that you dont have to gain weight or look fat or any of that just ebcause you eat.
   Food is fuel. And if you are hungry, then you are.And you have to allow yourself to eat!!

^^heheh!! Ego, much :) Hahha

Song of the day

This is my song for the day :)

Finally Midterm!

Home again, after a long day in school.... Feeling tired, but at the same time filled with some sort of energy?! Haha. During the last class today me and my friend just sat there laughing and messing about, we really couldnt concentrate! :)
   Laughing really is the best medicine!! You get filled with this happy energy and just feel good :) We should all laugh a little more :) && It looks better than a frown :)

At the moment, though i dont know how i feel.. or more, recently ive had many periods where ive just been lost in thoughts about different things. Alot of things.
   Things like my blog, about  school, job, the future... what am i doing with my life?What do i want to do with my life? How am i actually feeling? etc etc...
Sometimes it feels like i just want to write everything out.... just get it all out of my head, but i just end up staring at my diary... Its like i want to get it out of my head,  but at the same time... i cant put words to my thoughts. :(

Hmmm... Also wondering alot about my blog, starting to wonder whats the point anymore. It feels like i have nothing important to say anymore... :( But at the same time i dont want to give my blog up anymore... :/ Though i am blogging on my other blog alot more... Though it would feel so weird to not blog here anymore... But i guess i cant do this forever, anyway...

Snack after school: Oatmeal with raisins, apple, banana, walnuts, mixed with qark and cinnamon (and added milk after the picture!)

We all need to remind ourselves this ;)

Last lesson for the week!! Just 75 minutes left!! Just gotta try to concentrate! !


Thank god its friday!! And my last day in school before midteem!!
Just in the nick of time. Honestly... these paat few weeks have been crazy. Ive pracrically been suffocating under a pile of work and essays and tests!! But finally!! Just my last essay to end tonighy!! Though of course on the Monday I get back to school I havw two tests!! #school life!!

Im so tired today byt just goinf to plough thriugh the day!! Ans tonight im planning to just watch a film and completly relax!!

It feels crazy that on sunday im going to ireland!! Truth be told... im not lookong forward to it. Usch....
  Now its time for school.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

I have alot of anxiety and just feel like dissappearing .... :/ I put way too muvh pressure on myself to be perfect. I criticize myself for everything.... :/ sometimes I jist want to escape my own mind.


Can’t say this enough :)


^^Love this.

Worst morning ever.

This morning I couldnt find anything to wear. Nothing fit and I felt fat and awful. I left the house with tears running down my cheeks. Even though I have clothes in my wardrobe. .. it feels like I have nothing. Or more.... I just wear the same clpthes day in and day out. And feeling fat.... but keeping with my weeks challenge. I am going to chage these thoughts and make them positive.... no body negative thoughts allowed!! Though of couree when you feel like this, its hard to feel positive.... but if I can change my thoughta so can you!!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Waiting for this day to be over...

Today has been both good and bad, but at the moment... all im focusing on is the negative. Usch. Want this day to be over... im looking forward to tomorrow... not apparent reason why. Just that i want today to end... Sucks that im not tired. :/ Otherwise id fall asleep now, and let tomorrow come even quicker.


Weeks challenge

Something which i have decided to begin with is a Weeks challenge. Basically, i am going to try that every week (Or more, every second week) come up with a challenge which i am going to do, and hopefully you will also join in.
  Challenges such as, changing our routines, Calling a friend and going for coffee - even if it gives you anxiety, not controlling a situation. And i might even have weeks where i challenge all of you, to eat a fear food. I no longer have any fear foods, but hopefully, if i write it up one week, that you are brave enough to actually challenge yourself to eat one of your fear foods? :)

But this week, the challenge is.... To say something positive about ourselves. To stop being negative towards ourselves and our bodies.
I think pretty much everyone - even healthy/normal people also do this. They look down at their self. Look at their body in the mirror, and find the negative and the flaws. Even i do this some days... But you know what. For this week, (or rest of the week) what i am going to do is say 3 positive/good things about myself each time i look in the mirror. And whenever a negative thought about myself comes up, i am going to cancel it out by saying something positive.
So no more negative body thoughts for this week.

Hopefully you will all join in, even if you just do it for one day. One day where you dont let any negative thoughts in.

If you do decide to join  in with my Weeks challenge. Then hopefully you will comment or email me. And let me know, or let me know how it is going for you... (for the challenges where i challenge you to eat a fear food, or change your routine or something!!!)
Hopefully i will remember to post my own results :) and to keep up with these challenges (i.e posting new ones!)

^^I look very disproportional..... -_- (WTF?)

10 tips for overcoming fear

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Feeling distracted and not wanting to get any work done.

Took a short walk in the cold with my dog.
Cleaned the kitchen. (i.e did the dishwasher!)
Cleaned my desk, lit candles... One of the best things to get me motivated to study!! - A clean desk and candles!!