Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Sunday, August 26, 2012

sometimes i break

Sometimes I feel so alone.

 Sometimes I feel like I'm growing up too fast... and nobody is there to tell me to slow down. I want someone to care for me. To ask how my day was. To want to spend time with me. I feel so alone. Like nobody cares about me. I feel like I'm always strong. But then I break.... and everything comes crashing down.


Today while at the gym.... I completely broke down. I was almost in tears... all I wanted right then was my mums arms around me.
  Telling me that things would be ok. That I don't always have to be strong. I kept going... not wanting to cry infront of anyone... or in public. So I kept it in. When I got to the changing room the first thing I did was call my mum. I wanted to spend time with her.... either just sit in the car and drive somewhere. Or go out for coffee or anything really.... but no. She was busy. She didn't have time for me.... it feels like nobody has time for me... but I guess I'm the same with others.
   I don't always have time. But I just feel so alone.... nobody to talk to. I'm always the strong one.
   Helping others. Listening. Giving advice.... and everything I feel. All my emotions and thoughts.... I bottle them up until I explode. And all my emotions and thoughts take so much energy from me so I'm left feeling miserable and tired and can barely pick myself up again. I'm just craving family love.... to have someone hug me and tell me I don't have to be strong....

9 comments:

  1. honey, im so sorry that you dont feel well..but we all know days like this.. :-* when the world seems cruel, and it feels like noone cares about you. But im sure,your mum,sis, D loves you more than anything, so just hold on, tomorrow will be better. it is okay to feel like that some days. And it is great to write it out.

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    1. Thank you. I know i do have people that care about me... but sometimes it feels like im all alone... :(

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    2. I feel the same way but if u need someone I'm here.

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    3. I feel the same way but if you need me I'm here. my email is aliyah.Blair@stu.Hardin.kyschools.us

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  2. You say that D is there for you, right? Maybe she can give you a hug for today, like a big, warm, long hug, and then tomorrow you can see your mom possibly and get a family hug from her? Or really anyone in yur family. Tomorrow will be better. It is okay to not always be strong, because if you were, then you wouldn't know the opposite end of the spectrum and therefore wouldn't be as wonderful as you are now. I mean you help so many people, and I bet they would be more than willing to help you.
    With lots of love, Camille! (:

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  3. Aw love, if I was there I'd give you a giant hug right now! I care about you and I'm sure your sister, your mum and D love you more than you could imagine :) Everyone has those days when it feels like everything is spinning out of control and you just feel lost but just hang in there, tomorrow will be better! I promise :)

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    1. Naww thank you :) I really hope that it is better! :)

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  4. I can so relate to this. Except for for the fact that i hate having to talk to my mom. I just want someone their who can comfort me and who knows what im going through. It seems like we always need a hug when theirs nobody around.
    lots of luv + hugs,
    Laura

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    1. Its always like that, whenever people are there, people who want to listen or just hug you... then i push them away. And then when they're not there, thats when i just want a huge hug. Or someone to sit and talk to....
      I usually hate having to talk to my mum, but sometimes it actually helps alot!!! :) Hugs x

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