Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Friday, August 31, 2012

Lonely and filled with anxiety.

Im wondering how much i should blog now adays... there is a  Huge difference in my humor... for some reason, i can still smile, and act... but it isnt true. Its just a mask, its a roll im playing. Inside, it feels like im falling apart.
  Im not restricting or any of that, there is no problem with food... theres just a general problem and i dont know what it is?

I think its school... i go there everyday, and hate it. Or... i like it, but hate it at the same time.
  I dont mind sitting in class and learning, thats fine. And working in groups, thats all good... its the breaks... its the 5-30 minutes, where i dont know where to be... it feels like i dont fit in anywhere.
  It feels like noone wants to be my friend.... as if there is something wrong with me.
  During the breaks, i dont know where to be, who to hang with.. it feels like im not wanted anywhere. And i get filled with anxiety, and a home longing. i dont want to be in school... with people who cant be bothered to make conversation or get ot know me.
  Inside, im falling apart and barely managing to keep the tears in.... i feel so alone. So lost... like i dont know where im going or what im doing... but i do...
 Everything is a mess, and im starting to dread school, Just like always. I have never liked school, never.ever.
  And once again, im back to the same situation... im good at getting to know other people, but for some reason, it feels like people arent interested in getting to know me..

So all of that is bringing me down...
  and lately ive been filled with anxiety all the time.... it feels like my head is about to explode... like all my thoughts are just too much.. i want to shut it off... and thats when bad things can happen.

I dont know what to do... if i knew that i wasnt eating right, then i would just try to eat more... but now... its just the whole 'school situation' and friends that is hard, and is making me sad...

School is just not a great time.... :/
  
Im going to try my sad/depp mood and emotions away from the blog, i really dont want to trigger anyone or anything....
   its only if i feel i need to write something out... ;/¨

I dont know.... how has eveyrones day been?

6 comments:

  1. I don't believe one bit that nobody is interested in getting to know you.
    In fact, I think it's rather the opposite.
    You probably look very intriguing to most of them, but for some reason,they are feeling intimidated too. Interesting people,like you, can be intimidating. I think you should do the first step, show them that you're friendly,down to earth and willing to start new friendships.
    Come on, Izzy, you are such an inspirational girl, you really are AMAZING under so many points of view.Be strong, go ahead in the crowd, SMILE and make friends!!

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm.. somtime i wonder i the same thing... ive always been told by my mum, that because im tall, and i look 'smart' that some people can be scared, or intimidated by me... because they think im superior.. or that i dont care... but that is not at all the case... it just feels like i cant be myself, and if i cant be myself i become all fake... or trying to hard. I hate it...
      i mean, im not always funny. Im not someone to tell jokes all the time, or smile and laugh all the time... or i guess i am really, i just feel like ive lost that bit of me recently.
      You are so wonderful for caring about me, and commenting all the time. It really does mean alot to me...
      i really just want my 3 years of this school over with, whic sounds awful as ive only just began, but school isnt such a great thing for me.... i can find it very hard.

      But next week, im gonna try harder to show people that im not some intimidating person.. i love making new friends and i love having a good time, thats all i want really....
      So we'll see how it goes, otherwise im sure it will have very bad consequences,if my humor/mood doesnt imrpove...

      Delete
  2. Har ni ingen kurator på skolan?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. jah det har vi.... men jag är inte så öppen.... så vet inte om jag vill prata.. ehh

      Delete
  3. I agree with the above comment. You are so inspirational, and so wonderful. Here on your blog, I get the sense that you are so bright, you have such an amazing personality, I can't imagine anyone not wanting to get to know you.
    You are so sweet, so kind and caring, that anyone would be lucky to consider you a friend. I agree with the above comment that you are probably just intimidating to them, but hey, don't worry too much about it... ON the times you have off, if you don't know where to go, don't focus on it. You can just put your music in and go sit outside or somewhere comfortable to you, and then you can enjoy it. Make it somewhere you want to be. Go enjoy the sun, or enjoy whatever weather is outside, or go to the library and just sit in the quietness. It doesn't matter what you do really, just find somewhere that you're happy and enjoy being there.
    I know that I would consider myself really lucky to get to know you, but I think one thing you can do is to just smile, take the first step. Not in a offensive way, but maybe you can just smile, say hey to someone, and then they would come back later and try to be friends. I mean, it is only the second week of school, so don't stress about it too much. I am sure that good friends will come in time. Love you Izzy! (:

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  4. I also started learning at a new school from last year. The same situation as you are now. I just tried to be coool and be friends with the whole class, yeah I got jostled around different peer groups, but now I have a good friend, so don't worry one day you will find a very good friend. So don't worry just concentrate on your studying.

    ReplyDelete