Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, August 30, 2012

Cystic Fibrosis

Sometimes you might see that i mention, my other illness or CF. And when i say that, i mean Cystic Fibrosis. My other illness.
   I was born with CF, its in my genes... which kinda sucks. It is a life threatening illness, and when i was born i had to be acutely operated on because i had a blockage in my stomach. Apparently i could have died on the operating table? which is scary to think as i had just been born.... but luckily i survived.
  I spent the next month in hospital in an incubator, as i was born a month too early.
CF is an inherited illness, and it affects the lungs and stomach - the stomach doesnt create enough enzymes, so food doesnt get absorbed, which can leave many with CF malnourished.
  And CF can in time also affect the liver, and there is CF related diabetes and lots of other troubles & complications. i.e the lungs can collapse, in the worst case, or you need a lung transplant etc etc...

My life is always going to be 'medication & doctors visits' thats how it is...

CF lowers the immune system, so it is alot easier to catch colds, and then it is harder to get rid of them, and many times it can become alot worse. I.e the bacteria gets stuck in the lungs, and causes a whole load of trouble.
  And that can lead to hospital admition and IV's.

I have to use a nebuliser,  everyday.... 2-3 times (but i hardly have time for that...) to keep my lungs clear, and i have to do physiotherapy and lung clearance... it takes alot of time.
   And then i also need to keep active, they reccommend doing 1-2 hours cardio everyday... i.e why ive always said that i need to exercise and why i run so often & i love running. To keep the lungs clear, i need to exercise and get phlegm up... (TMI?!)
    But, because of CF, it is also hard to get the right amount of energy and nutrients in... thats why i need to eat soo much.. i mean, my body burns more then average, just because of my CF, because that takes SO MUCH energy each day... and then i exercise to keep my lungs clear & my body doesnt absorb as much as average... sooo.... it all results to eat ALOT. Ever since ive been little, ive always had supplement drinks, milkshakes, extra cream & butter, always eating snacks.... until around 12 years old, when i stopped eating so much.... and my ED started to take control of my life...
Every month or so, i go for a check up at a CF clinic, where i talk to the doctor, do a lung function (basically check my lung capacity), physiotherapy etc etc.
   During my childhood, i missed alot of school due to my CF. i would catch a cold and be home sick for  4-6 weeks... which is crazy right? and it could be just a few weeks later that i catch another cold. It was very hard... i hated going back to school after being out so long... but i kept up my studying and never fell behind.
   That is why i am so good at studying at home, because i had no option while growing up. I had to study at home and do work at home..
  And when things got too bad, i had to be admitted to hospital with a  IV and i would be in hospital for a month or so... adn that would usually keep me healthy for a few months.
   Hospital visits and admitions is common for people with Cf, you could almost say it is their second home... :/
I have always been very open about my CF, everyone has always known... even though you cant see that i have Cf. People have noticed, by the way i cough (as if im a smoker or something), or when i catch a cold, i go complelty white and look very sick. and then when im out from school for very long periods.
  Thats about the worst thing, and i dread it... i will do anything to keep from having to miss school. Ive been told by my doctors that i should be admitted to have IV, but ive refused. I cant miss school, i dont want to miss a month, and be that 'weird girl' again.

My CF has played a huge roll in my ED. i remember around 11/12 years old, i had a rebel stage... i started refusing to take my meds. I stopped doing my nebuliser. I hated having CF.  I hated missing school. I didnt want to be at home sick. I didnt want to be different. I remmeber sitting on the staircase, crying to my mum... begging her to make me normal. To let me go to school, and be like eveyrone else.
  She hugged me, and tried to comfort me and told me, that i wont be healthy or normal unless i take my meds. But i hated it.
And then i started Googling CF, as really... i didnt know so much about it. I just knew that i had this illness...  and thats when i learnt all this shocking, scary news. Like, people with CF dont have as long a life span. They can have complications with their liver etc. Complications having kids. And really they should avoid people who are sick...
   it was alot to take it. and i suddenly started thinking... whats the point of living if im not gonna live to 80+? I was a 11/12 year old at that time, and it had a huge effect on me....
   Around that time, because i stopped taking my meds. I became very sick, so sick that i actually couldnt eat so much... i was like that for a month before i was admitted to hospital with IV's.
I've always had love-hate relationship with food. Ive always known that i can eat more, eat loads... and loads of high fat foods without gaining weight (ive always been bwlow my normal BMI.) but ive never wanted to... just because can. Of course, its extra bad for people with Cf to be underweight, as they actually need extra weight because when you get sick and stop eating, you can easily lose a few kilo and if you are already underweight, things get alot more complicated....

When i was sick with Anorexia, my CF got a lot worse aswell. My lung function dropped to 30-40% which is very dangerous (before i had been around 90-100%)
   You are supposed to do exercise and cardio when you have CF,but when i was admitted to Psyc & Mando, i was on bedrest and wasnt allowed any activity, which also had a bad affect on my lungs...
Trying to gain weight, while in hospital (Mando) it was always extra hard, because my body just uses so much energy... hence why i  ate LOADS more then anybody there (yes... there's proof.) & i had 2 supplement drinks a day.. and still, i didnt always gain weight... so it was hard.
Cystic Fibrosis is something i'll have to live with, and its always gonna affect me. Of course, im not the worst case. Trust me, im friends with some people on FB who have CF, and i realise how good my life is compared to them...
  they are continuously in hospital, they have trouble going to school or work. They are weak adn continuously look sick. They are malnourished....
I used to always think that CF was something that held me back, but ive realised it doesnt... yes, i can get tired alot easier, and i can find it harder to breathe, and yes.. i can miss school and spend a lot of time in hospital... but it still doesnt keep me from doing what i want to do. I still go school and socialize, i still go to parties and drink and have fun... i still exercise.
Dealing with 1 illness is bad enough, so it didnt help when i got Anorexia... i remember i kept being told, You can recover from Anorexia, you dont always have to have 2 illness, CF is something you'll live with...
Really, im not so sure what else to write!! haha, you acn just come with questions about Cf though if there is anything you wonder about. Or read my cystic fibrosis page, which ive written a bit more...
Otherwise... you can see a picture of my daily medications!!

^^^Drug abuse or what?!! haha
LOL... nah, but it was kinda shocking to see that that is just what i take in 1 day.
& when im sick, add like 9 more tablets each day... -_-
And i want to add that my Just Breathe tattoo is CF related.
The slogan, or logo or whatever you say... for Cf is Just Breathe, or 65 roses.
It means more then that to me... but it is one meaning behind my tattoo!! :)
So now you know :)

Thats about all i have to say for now... but if there is anythign more, just ask :)


  1. Thanks for sharing all this.
    I didn't know much about CF before.

    You must be so proud of yourself for going through all these things and becoming the amazing girl you are!!
    Love the tattoo and its meaning too.
    Keep fighting, you are strong xxx

  2. That is something i would never want to experience myself. You are really strong! You can handle this. I believe in that ;)

  3. Girl, you are a truly admirable person. I can imagine how hard it was when you were younger, the amount of medicine is quite impressive. You could be a great role model to others with cf :)
    However worrying about being different is foolish, difference is something you have to embrace! People with illnesses and other problems are usually more knowledgeable and experienced than others, i believe it could help you when working as a journalist, easier to talk with different kinds of people.

  4. This is very interesting and informative...thanks for the info. You are incredibly strong and inspiring!