Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Gym & Massage!

Good afternoon!!! :)
  Today, i am really proud of myself! I went to the gym this morning, i felt that my gym crad was starting to get dusty!! haha (Joke! XD)
   When i got to the gym, i felt really tired... didnt feel so much like exercising. I was actually contemplating just going home again, but i figured i was already there, might aswell actually do some exercise!! (Im usually very active, and have lots of its always strange when i feel tired and slow.)
  When i got on the treadmill, i thought i would barely manage 10 minutes... thats how tired i was. But i just plugged in my music, and i was staring at the TV which was showing Extreme Makeover: Weightloss edition. (haha... what a program to watch when your on the treadmill... but i always smile when i see the change in the overweight persons body. But the thing is... when i look at the people who are overweight... Thats exactly how i feel... i feel like theres fat all over my body. just hanging down... Of course its not at all like that. But i still dont see myself right.. hence my BDD. :/)
  But before i knew it, i had run 45 minutes, and i wasnt even tired, so i kept running unti l i had run an hour, 10km!!! Im so proud of myself!! Ive never ran 10km in one go... i would usually run like 30 minutes and 30 minutes, or like 45 & 15. And the max ive run in one go is 7,5km....!!! And i thought i was tired!

(Btw im sorry if anyone finds that triggering. I usually try to avoid writing about my exercise routines and how much i do as i know it can be triggering... but i just felt so proud of myself!! XD)

And then my mum picked me up. She had offered to give me a massage today (as shes a masseus & a yoga teacher!). I actualyl dont like massages... i get anxiety about it. Just the thought about it.
  But its a sick anxiety... i still have a fear & hate of massages. Because when i was sick, i hated people touching my body, or seeing my body. I felt fat & grotesque... and i hated when people hugged me. I hated if anyone saw me changing or anything like that... i avoided contact with people and i avoided mirrors (if i wasnt standing infront of them obsessing about all the 'fat' i had on my body.)
   But i decided to try to go against that anxiety i had. I mean, massages are nice and relaxing and at the moment i have like back, shoulder and neck pain. (and im still so young.)
I let go of my stress and anxiety over getting a massage and i relaxed and really enjoyed it.
 I even fell asleep!!! While i slept i ended up dreaming that i was falling so i like sat upright, shocked not knowing where i was!! haha... I gave my mum a fright. 
   It was really nice.... it feels like some of my anxiety is definitely gone. But i wouldnt be comfortable with someone else giving me a massage!!
    Im feeling sleepy and relaxed now!! Nice!!!

Ahh if only i could go to the gym and get a massage everyday!! haha XD

How has everyones day been? :)


  1. You have a great body.X

    1. Why thank you :) I dont agree. But compliments never hurt!!

  2. I Love Love Love massages, i wish my mom was a masseuse and yoga teacher!
    However i go to a physiotherapist/masseuse every week for a massage - also got those terrible pains + scoliosis, maybe it's because of sitting by the computer? I also want to learn how to do massages because i want other people to experience to joy of it.

  3. Sick abs, wish I also had you're abs:(

  4. I LOVE MASSAGES!My sister gives me the best ones in the whole world! xD I've tried but yeah, I'm kinda awful at it but that's okay cause then I don't have to give one in return! :) You really do have a great body! Its a reminder that I need to start working out again haha I miss having abs like yours!