Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, June 30, 2012

Weetabix Love!!

I remember a time, when i sat glumly staring down at that awful white bowl, where there was 1 weetabix and 100ml milk.
   I sat there for 45 minutes, staring at the mushy mess... refusing to eat. Refusing to even lift the spoon. I sat staring down at my hands, anywhere but at the staff across from me, coaxing me to eat. Telling me that there was no harm in eating 1 weetabix and a little milk, to me... that one little meal, would make me explode, even though i hadnt eaten anything for almost a week.
  It was the same story everyday, i would sit there at the table, not looking at the food that was prepared and placed infront of me. I sat there until the staff gave up, and made me go back to bed.
  Another accomplishment for me, i hadnt eaten.

2 and a half years later, i gladly eat 3 weetabix with milk, jam and a banana for my night snack!!
   Ohh how times have changed!

This is the first time eating weetabix in maybe 3-4 years, i liked weetabix, i loved all the different combination you could have it with. But of course, i was always too sick to allow myself to eat it.
   But today, when i found it in the shop... i was like, I have to buy this!!!

My favourite combination is blueberries, banana and ice cold milk!
But other good combinations is: strawberries and peanut butter, warm milk and jam, peanut butter and jam!

Berry Nice

With the sun on my back, i think, 'this is how summer should be.'

Good evening everyone!!
  How has your Saturday been? :)

Mine has actually been good!! A lazy morning, just moping around the house. Not wanting to look in the mirror, not wanting to see how i looked like. And just sitting in my room, not doing much. Too tired to do anything.
  In the afternoon though the sun came out, c.a 20+ degrees... it felt so sad to just sit inside, moping about. So my mum convinced me it would be good to get out into the nature, sit in the sun... get some vitamin D.
So it was just to drag on some shorts and pack a bag, and we were off.
  We brought with us some food, and our grill and of course my mums partner taged along aswell. And we sat out by the lake, with the sun beating down on our backs.
  I even fell asleep for a while, with music blasting in my ears!!

We then grilled sweet corn, tuna, chicken and soya sausages, and i finally got to grill my Beloved marshmallows! (i hate raw (haha.. non-grilled) marshmallows!!
  But i think i ate too many... like half a bag!! XD haha... but im just thinking, its saturday, im trying to gain weight (-_- usch. blahhhhhh) and anyway, if i have the energy i might head to the gym tomorrow... if i feel like it.
   And i was like, i might aswell enjoy my grilled marshmallows!! haha

We continued lying there talking about different things, and then the by 8.30 it started getting cold, so we decided it was time to head home.

^^Wrinkles!! hahahah^^XD

 With a good end to the day.... of course, im not so accepting of my body, the way i look. But im not going to let that stop me from wearing tube tops, or wearing shorts... i just have to face the fact that this is the way i look... i may not be happy with it, but if everyone else is... then fine.

But really, (Its my body... why the fuck does everyone else care? why are they messing with my body.. making me gain wieght... its my body, and i was happy with the way i looked... ) but really i cant be bothered to complain about these things, its not going to change things....

Talk to you later!

Feeling extremly tired... no idea why. -_- I dont want to do anything today...
   but my mum has convinced me to actually leave the house, get some Vitamin D!!

I think we're just gonn drive out somewhere, where i am going to just lie and sunbathe... i dont have much energy for anything else...
  And we're taking with us some food, so we might grill aswell!!

We'll see... im just hoping it stays sunny!!

Talk to you later, Ciao x

Little things that make me smile!

Small little gestures, little things really brighten my day. Make me smile, things that others might not even realise actually make someone's day!!

  • When someone opens the door for me/holds the door open and lets me go first!! (I always make sure to say thank you, to show my appreciation of hte gesture!)
  • When someone compliments me... Even on my bad days, a compliment is always nice! Even if i might not agree with it, or believe it... its still nice to hear! :)
  • When the sun is shining!
  • When you make it right on time for the metro, and dont have to wait for 10 minutes!
  • When babies smile at me.... :) (awwwhhhh!!!)
  • When theres a sale/discount on the item im buying/want!!Tumblr_ljzqyri5uw1qftwqwo1_r2_500_large

Friday, June 29, 2012

I feel fat. I feel horrible. I feel blahhhh. Why do good days always end bad? I can see my weight gain... I can see & feel the fat on my stomach and hips. I hate it.... I can't,stand looking the way I do. I hate how Mando is so focused on this weight? I mean I was healthy, mentally & physically at 52-54kg and I looked and felt good..... I feel a bit like a mess. I don't want to go up another 2kg... its too much. I can,see the change in my body.. I can notice the fat. And I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I know I've gained weight. So I'm not dreading going to Mando on Monday... I might even go to the gym on Sunday. Check my weight so I can,be sure. What I am dreading though is gaining another 2kg... I don't want to do it... my body is changing... and now in summer? I won't be able to wear a bikini....:/ Sometimes I hate life. My thoughts are messed up.... eating feels like the last thing I want to do. But of course. I can't let the voice in my head win... I know these are just thoughts... it doesn't mean there real... I just have to be strong. Not give in.... But its hard.

Eating strawberries and drinking coke, we discuss school memories and what the future holds.

Sitting on a green blanket in the park, with the wind blowing our hair and making us look like trolls, we sit and eat strawberries and pringles and drink Coka Zero. We talk about school, and how the next chapter of our life will be - Gymnasium. A new school for both of us.
  We talk about what we've done, and what we're going to do. Even ending up making wishes, how we want our life to be... what we want to do with our life.

I also found out, that co-insidently, my friend actually found my blog... which was a surprise to me. And a bit of a chock to her, as she never knew i had had anorexia... she said, that she would never have guessed it. Which is good!! Means, im atleast half normal!! :)
  Of course, slightly awkward.. more and more people i know have found and started reading my blog... which is making it hard... im so hoenst on my blog. I write out my feelings and emotions, when i feel like shit.. i write it out. It helps, but now im wondering, how honest can i actually be? do i really want my nearest adn dearest friends and family to know that i feel like shit, that i think of suicide and self harm somtimes... the days when i feel like ending it all?
  No, i dont want them to know that.... i want them to know the happy me, the normal me. They dont have to know this other me. Thats for all the rest of you.. all the anonymouses who read my blog...?
  I feel torn in two.. i dont know what to do anymore... my blog is my online diary, which im fine sharing with unknown people, but its a whole different story with people i actually know...
   I dont know what to do, do i keep blogging? do i stop? but im just going to go with how i feel, see what happens!
  I actually have some exciting news.... but that wont be revealed until a while.... :)

But anyway, onto my day... we ended up taking LOADS of photos... climbing trees, jumping, twirling, ninja moves, aand a few cartwheels!! :) All in the hope of a good picture... but we werent so photogenic today... :/
 In general a relaly good day, apart from the wind and the cold.... it didnt help that i was only wearing a little dress... no jumper, no tights... bad clothes choice today. :/

Here are the photos!!!


The photos i posted are mainly me... we took loads of photos together, and i took some really pretty ones of her, but i dont think its right to post pictures of her on here... :) So its just Me.Me.Me!!
  I do admit, i like the photos Alot!!!